(Closed) Would You Let Your Husband Take a Pay Cut?!

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@sal5011:  I would definitely not be ok with this, your Darling Husband has a responsibility to care and provide (eeks this sounds antiquated…) for his family and just because he’s a little bored at his current postion doesn’t make it ok to switch things up like this.  Tell him you support his job search and realize he’s unhappy but this just won’t work out, maybe show him your budgeting and what this change would mean for your family.

Post # 4
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

His happiness is more important than money and together we would find a way to make it work. I’d take up a second job if I had to supplement the lost income if it would mean he would be happy.  You spend most of your life working so you mighjt as well be happy while you’re doing it. 

Post # 5
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d do what I could to rearrange our finances so he could take the job. Having been miserable at a job I’d rather lose my smartphone than keep being miserable. If infects your entire life.

Post # 6
3942 posts
Honey bee

I stayed at a job I hated for years because I got paid well. The tradeoff was that I wroked 70+ hours a week, let friendships die because I had no time, and gained weight because I was so depressed. I also cried on my commute every single day. I ended up taking a $10K pay cut to move to a different company and my life changed overnight. I was happy again! Sure I had to change things around with my finances but we made it work. A few less dinners out, canceled Netflix, etc. Nothing drastic. But even if my husband had to work 10 jobs to allow me to change jobs, he would have done it.


Post # 7
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Money will always be paper, and I do not intend to trivialize the gravity of your need to be financially secure, but there’s a higher cost to be paid by the person that neglects to be fullfilled and happy….

Post # 8
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can he pick up extra work? I would tell him that he shouldn’t leave (not can’t) if he can’t 1) make up the shortfall with extra work or 2) cut his expenses by at least $6000. I would ask him which is more important his boardem or his family’s financial security.

Post # 9
358 posts
Helper bee

Happiness is always way more important than money and should be the top priority. Review your finances and see where you can make changes such as spending less on groceries, shopping, entertainment or even moving into a cheaper housing situation. Only of their is absolutely no way it is possible should he look at other options and maybe interview somewhere else to get a better offer

Post # 10
716 posts
Busy bee

But it’s not just the income, OP mentioned reduced benefits that are also more pricey.


Some compromise has to be made.  With bills and wanting to expand the family, it’s understandable to not want to lose that income plan and stability.  Maybe he can keep interviewing at different departments that could potentially be similar in pay and benefits as his current job.

Post # 11
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

$12,000?! I was wondering about the reasoning behind his desire to switch, but that’s a very considerable pay cut regardless of his reasoning, especially considering that it also comes with a slash to benefits.

Career changes that dramatic are family decisions, not his alone. They effect you as much as it does him. I wouldn’t take a dramatic pay cut or decide to move to another city without consulting my husband and taking his opinion into consideration.

ETA: @lolaswann: +1

Post # 12
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sal5011:  My Darling Husband has hated his job for years, and it breaks my heart to see him like this.  If he could/would find a job he enjoyed for half the pay, I would love that.  I hate to see him unhappy at his job.  It’s not worth the money. 

Post # 13
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I was at a job I hated. But the benefits were great and the pay was decent. It took a toll on my mental health after a few years of trying to stick it out. Darling Husband was very supportive of me quitting with or without a job lined up, but I would never be comfortable with that so I waited until a job offer came along. It was about 12k less as well and no benefits, but I took it and Darling Husband and I made it work. My mental health is worth a lot more than that.

I’m not sure if your DH’s situation is to the point mine was, but I totally understand how it affects you to be at a job you are unhappy at. I am fortunate that after 4 months another job offer came along that paid me more than my old job, but still lacked benefits. So even though we pay more now for our insurance and the loss of some other benefits it is worth it to both of us that I am at a much happier job.

Post # 14
46589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Neither one of us has the power to let or not let the other person do anything.

We talk it out and then the person most directly affected ( in this case your husband) makes the necessary decision.

Does he work 4 on 4 off like many police officers? If so, the compromise could be that he takes the new job and gets a part-time job on his days off.


Post # 15
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You guys need to have a serious talk about your priorities in life.  Our happiness and well-being is #1 to me.  We don’t need money to be happy.  Well, obviously we need some sort of clothes on our back (it’s cold!) and to eat something, but we don’t need to drive our BMW or eat organic tomatoes. 

So to answer the question, yeah, I’d let him take the pay cut.  We’d find a way to make it work.  Because how it won’t work is him being miserable and hating me for making him stay there. 

Maybe you guys can compromise somehow.  He can find a new job, but he has to keep looking for a few months and not just take the first one he finds.  Or he at least has to negotiate better benefits or pay from the one he’s about to get an offer from.  Also focus on making the rest of his life better.  I can make it through a crappy crappy day at work when I know what I’m going home to is so much better.  Find a (cheap) hobby you guys can do together, start a home improvement project – something.

Post # 16
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My husband’s happiness is high on my priority list and I would never hold him back from a job he would enjoy- few things matter more to me than having a happy husband with a job he enjoys- that stress seeps into your marriage, your relationship, your life.

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