(Closed) Would you let your three year old son wear a dress to a party?

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you let your three year old son wear a dress to a party?
    Yes, I have no problem with this. : (201 votes)
    46 %
    No, I would not let my son wear a dress in public. : (144 votes)
    33 %
    Maybe, depending on the party. : (92 votes)
    21 %
    Other - please comment below : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 151
    Member
    1113 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

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    princessandthepear:  as my son is asleep on me now, I would have to say absolutely I would have no problem with this. His happiness means more to me then how he’s dressed. Hell, if he wanted to dress like batman to go to school I’d let him.

    What worries me in this post, is the jokes. I wouldn’t be ok with people saying stuff ‘oh would you want to carry a purse’ and such if I felt it was mean spirited or hurt his feelings.

    It would depend on the party, if it was casual, then why not. If it was a wedding, or something fancier than an at home dinner party, no I would dress him appropriately. 

    Post # 152
    Member
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Gender is socially constructed. Sex is assigned at birth. Just think we need to clarify that, as people don’t seem to understand the difference.

    Many years ago, we all wore the same type of garments to cover ourselves up. They were were dress-like in appearance and style. At some point in WESTERN cultures, we decided that dresses were only for girls. Our world was not always this way. Gender roles HAVE NOT been around forever.

    The adults at the party were horrid for making fun of him.

    As laws are overturned and our world is (hopefully) becoming more accepting, I would anticipate these types of issues will begin to fade away. But for now, we have to deal with “all the people who said NO”. To these people, I ask you, who is it hurting if a child feels comfortable in and would like to wear a dress? If you tell him no, and he happens to be transgender, you are telling him that his true self is not accepted. This leads to depression and THE HIGHEST RATES OF SUICIDE OF ANY GROUP IN NORTH AMERICA.

    Why is it okay for women to wear pants and dresses, but men can only wear pants? It’s ridiculous.

    I would absolutely let any child of mine wear whatever they like.

    Post # 153
    Member
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee

    If we all just STOP classifiying girl clothes, boy clothes, girl toys, boy toys, girl colors, boy colors, and just let kids love what they love and who they love, this all wouldn’t be an issue. We, as a society, put so much emphasis on it, and it gets passed down. Just let your kid be who they want to be! Who cares what they like, I just want to raise a loving, self aware kid who has good morals and are kind to others, THATS ALL I CARE ABOUT. 

    Post # 154
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee

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    babeba:  “…forcing them to only wear pants isn’t going to change that. It’s just more likely to give them a complex and put them more at risk for being part of the 40-50% of trans youth (depending on the study) who attempt suicide. That’s 14 times higher than the average.”

    National Geographic’s instagram feed has been doing a photo series about homeless youth in san francisco. almost every single one of the stories starts with the kid being gay or trans and shunned by their parents. it’s so sad. 

     

    Post # 155
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Of course I would let a son wear whatever clothes he wanted or play with whatever toys he wanted.  Instead of telling children they can’t be who they are for fear of being teased, we should be focusing on teaching bullies that there is nothing wrong with being different.

    Post # 156
    Member
    4583 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My first instinct is to say – yes, of course I would. And for a party like that or a family event or at our home, I would let a son wear a dress if he wanted to.

    However, I have to hesitate when I think about things like school parties…it might depend on his teachers. If I thought they would support him/educate his classmates, than no problem. But if I wasn’t sure, I’d be worried about exposing my 3-year-old to bullying and teasing.  If he was older and could defend himself to a certain extent (and was wearing the dress because he wanted to wear a dress, not because he loved Elsa), sure… but at age 3, it would depend a lot on the environment and the reception I think he would get.

    Post # 157
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

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    sporkette:  SF and its gay/transgender community is an interesting one to unravel. And i would bet a lot of those youth made it out there because they thought SF is a place they would be more accepted, because of its reputation…

    …Which came out of being a navy town. You know, since navy men spend a lot of their day doing physical activity which leaves them strong and fit, and away at sea with no women for an extended amount of time… It’s a great place to be if you really love the company of other men and appreciate the male physique. 

    And if your entire civilian life you have struggled with not quite fitting in, with your clothing not quite giving off “the right” sort of vibe, not fitting in… It is actually a relief to have someone tell you exactly how to dress, where to stand, how to stand and force you to fit in with your fellow troops. So to this day, a lot of transgender men and women are attracted to the military. And since a lot of men in the 50s who were released (is the term ‘demobbed’?) from Navy duty stayed right there with the very good friends they had made while serving, there was a time and a place where gay culture snuck out from the margins and had the opportunity to be a bit more visible. Word spread, nearby universities started to have students who questioned the fabric of society, started to shun some of the things they “knew were wrong” because they had always been that way, in part because they “knew boys don’t wear dresses or like other boys” and guess what? The bottom of the earth didn’t fall out when they were living their lives. So what else did society know to be wrong that maybe wasn’t so bad? 

     

    Post # 158
    Member
    5875 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    Diamond84:  “People get butt hurt so quickly on the bee. You always have to be “politically correct” on here. No thanks!”

    If by “you always have to be ‘politically correct’ on here” you mean “people expect you to be empathetic and respectful of others.”

    I feel like people tend to use the term “politically correct” to accuse those with more liberal points of view of being inauthentic.  Where as those of us who are, as you say, “politically correct” are actually just empathetic humans.  It’s not about trying to be precieved a certain way, or spinning your words to be more acceptable in today’s society.  We have a genuine desire to not be hurtful to other human beings.  

    This came up on the refugees thread the other day (and in all those Republican debates I’ve been watching) so I guess I’ve just been ruminating on it.  I’m starting to find people’s use of this term really annoying though.  It’s like some people were born without empathy and just CANNOT understand why others have it.

     

    Post # 159
    Member
    1449 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

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    alc1979:  Yes, THAT is what is going to give the kid a complex… Not their parent being totally unaccepting and judgemental of who they choose to be.

    Post # 160
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    To be blunt, I cannot imagine giving a single fuck what my child of that age wears out of the house as long as it’s clean and they’re appropriately covered up. As my coworker once phrased it to me, her toddler insisting on wearing pyjamas to school just wasn’t the hill she wanted to die on. And I’d have to agree.

    As someone who literally has a degree in gender studies… It’s all just socially created nonsense. The “roles” people think are so immutable fluctuate dramatically over time. Sure, as a mom I’m sure it would make me super scared to think my child would be exposed to ridicule – but that happens in any number of ways for any number of reasons. And it’s 100% a reflection on the close-mindedness and hurtfulness of the people around them rather than it is on them. My kid’s going to have two moms, but I don’t think I should refrain from procreating due to other people’s homophobia. So why would I police outfit choices based on what essentially boils down to other people’s misogyny and transphobia? I’m also constantly uplifted by the stories I hear from the kids of LGBTQ+ families in the volunteer work I do about how much more accepting an environment they’re growing up in. This huge change has happened in <1 generation – it wouldn’t if people just avoided any potential conflict situation based on their differences.

    I think nurturing resiliency at a young age is SO important. I got bullied all the time as a kid and I also didn’t feel like I had a safe place to go when I came home. I would always want my child to know they were loved for who they were and that there were people who accepted and embraced them 100%. And let’s be real, it’s a freaking costume! It in no way has to be a reflection on your kid’s gender or sexuality. I think it’s super important for boys to admire strong girls and women the same way they’re taught to admire that strength in other boys and men.

    Anyway, that turned into a bit of a rant. It just makes me sad and sick to read about ADULTS mocking a child like that. 

    Post # 161
    Member
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I don’t know if a 3 year old wearing an Elsa costume really speaks of his gender identity. It very well could be the beginning of this expression but it could also just be a 3 year old being a 3 year old. Either way, I’d let my son wear that dress if he’s happy and comfortable. Would I maybe make him wear something else in a formal setting? Sure. As a parent I’m sure I wouldn’t allow my kids to do whatever they want whenever they want it (i.e. it wouldn’t be appropriate for a kid to go to school wearing a bathing suit in the dead of winter. I don’t care how much he cries, he’s wearing more appropriate clothes).

    When I was a kid, I HATED wearing dresses. It was miserable and uncomfortable (I also have a disorder where I can’t touch certain fabrics without completely freaking out. So when my mom used to force me into tights and I threw a tantrum, I wasn’t just being a brat like she thought, it was literally painful for me to have that touching my skin). Fortunately, I was only forced to dress up a few times a year for Easter or Christmas. If my mom forced me to wear those clothes every day of my childhood, I would have been absolutely miserable. Forcing a boy to wear jeans when he’s most comfortable in dresses or more ‘feminine’ clothes I can imagine would be just as awful for him. So if my son decides he feels the most ‘himself’ in dresses and skirts, why should I deny him that happiness? But, like I said, at 3 years old it’s really hard to tell.

    I would not be friends with these men who tease a young toddler and have such archaic views of men/women football players vs cheerleaders. That was the most disturbing about this post. A 3 year old in a Disney character dress? Who cares? I wouldn’t think twice about that. Grown men behaving the way these people did? I have a huge problem with.

    Post # 162
    Member
    1865 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

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    cbgg:  

    If by “you always have to be ‘politically correct’ on here” you mean “people expect you to be empathetic and respectful of others.”

    Nope, not at all what I meant. As I said in my post, people can dress their boys in dresses all they want. I respect their decision to do that by not saying anything rude to them or, OF COURSE, their child, but in my mind, I would most definitely be thinking…wtf. And I am able to do so. Just because I do not agree with dressing boys in dresses, doesn’t make a disrespectful or unsympathetic person.

    Post # 163
    Member
    1455 posts
    Bumble bee

    I mean

    Henry VIII basically invented the mini skirt. And look at that RHR action. And I’m pretty sure I use to wear those exact tights with my Easter dresses back in the day. Yall are being straight up silly

    Post # 164
    Member
    1688 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

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    SoonAsYouCan:  Is that a real disorder because velvet TOTALLY grosses me out. I hate the noise it makes and I can’t stand the feel of it haha.

    Post # 165
    Member
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    minniegrace:  LOL I love this because the stockings and high heeled shoes that European kings wore in portraiture for centuries were positively hypermasculine. It’s not an accident that so many of them are posed turned slightly to an angle with one leg extended to higlight their powerful, sculpted silk-clad calves. Pure testosterone. And it was daring and subversive for aristocratic women in 17th century courts to wear a masculine staple: high heels.

    I hope sooner rather than later the taboo of men wearing dresses becomes as laughable as the not-long-ago moral panic over women wearing trousers. Also, it’s really creepy how many adults are deeply invested in policing the masculinity of little boys. 

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