(Closed) Would you marry a guy who told you THIS:

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If you were the girl, Would you marry a guy who told you this?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 152
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes, I’d marry a guy who looked at porn.

     

    But the “illegal” porn stuff would be a big fat loud NO FECKING WAY GET AWAY FROM ME if “illegal” means what I think it does.

    Post # 153
    Member
    5398 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @BelliniChic:  lol! I think part of the problem is that the OP did not initially mention the illegal porn issue until later. She went back and added it in after 1.5 pages of responses about normal porn (which is already a controversial issue, obvi). So between people who responded before that was added, and those who don’t freaking read, we’ve got ourselves a cluster****.  Add in some ridiculous generalizations from armchair psychologists about male behavior and how stupid we are to believe our men just *might* be different than someone else’s, and you’re up to speed. 

    Post # 154
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @BlondeMissMolly:  

    So between people who responded before that was added, and those who don’t freaking read, we’ve got ourselves a cluster****.

     ROFL!!!!

    Add in some ridiculous generalizations from armchair psychologists about male behavior and how stupid we are to believe our men just *might* be different than someone else’s, and you’re up to speed. 

    I know. Some people apparently are clairvoyant and have the ability to see into the brains of men they’ve never met.

    I think it is a sign of profound stupidity for someone to go on the internet and argue with a lot of anonymous women that their SO’s are absolutely into porn, because all men are into porn, case closed. Or maybe it’s just a case of overinflated ego??

    Post # 155
    Member
    341 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’ve always kind of gone by the saying… “You can’t help where birds fly, but you CAN help where they build their nests.”

    Saying he really likes girls isn’t a problem. Finding other girls attractive isn’t a problem. But “being a guy” can easily be an overused excuse. He DOES have the responsibility to control his sex drive. Looking turns into staring, turns into fantasizing, turns into…

    You see where I’m going.

    Tread carefully. Cheating is just as much a state of mind as it is actions.

    I think that covers both real-live women and porn characters. And of course, get the hell out of there if “illegal” means child or animal porn. No ma’am. Unacceptable.

    Post # 156
    Member
    341 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Oh good grief, I’ve missed this whole debate…

    Sigh.

    Ladies, not all men look at porn. Granted, the non-lookers are a very very very small minority, but for example… My Fiance felt deeply convicted in his mid teens about what he wanted his future marriage and sex life to be like, and how porn was influencing that, and he quit. He barely got past anything more hardcore than lingerie and bikini pics.

    Call me naive if you want. My point is, be very careful with stereotypes.

    Some guys have higher standards for themselves than what’s socially acceptable.

    Post # 158
    Member
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    How the hell is his past history of looking at what I can only assume is child porn not a big issue, but his looking at other women is??????????????????

     

    DUMP THAT FREAK

    Post # 159
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @CarolF:  

    Ladies, not all men look at porn. Granted, the non-lookers are a very very very small minority, but for example…

    Your Fiance is like my DH.
     
    I think it is safe to say that throughout the course of a lifetime, the vast majority of men have looked at the kind of porn you would find, say, in a Playboy magazine or late at night on Showtime.
     
    Just because they have looked at it at one time or another does not mean that they are defined by it. 

     

    I once had fried rattlesnake nuggets at a fish camp, but I’m not into that either.

    Post # 160
    Member
    2484 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    the only red flag that caught me was the illegal porn-

    that.. .just says alot to me

    but people can change…

    but it wouldn’t be something i would be willing to risk with my kids.

     

    why not watch it with him?

    Post # 161
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Oh my God, I have to get off this thread.

    Post # 162
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    No way no how would I marry someone like that!

    Firstly, if it’s an addiction, genuine addiction, he needs to get help for it. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t see a problem with it and doesn’t see a problem hurting the woman he says he loves.

    Secondly, I disagree with porn within a relationship. He can have his own visual stimulation by creating his own videos with his wife, as many as they want, she can do things for him, but for him to just rule out all of that and insist it be arousal by other women, that is NOT OK.

    My fiance and I are holding out until we are married sexually. We weren’t always like that. And even though it was my decision to stop and wait, he agrees with it. And he knows (heck we just talked about this an hour or so ago) he is NOT to watch porn. He’s taken care of himself in the shower without any visual stimulation, if it’s not going to be me, it wont be anyone. It’s disrespectful and I think it’s a pathetic excuse for a man to say it’s a “guy thing” to look at porn. It’s a SINGLE guy thing and they should not be watching it within a relationship when the spouse does not agree with it.

    Third, they obviously both have different morals. She doesn’t agree with it and he does. This could be a huge issue in the relationship, and when morals conflict, it can cause some huge issues within the relationship.

    I could go on and on, MANY people say I expect too much from my fiance, but I wont settle for someone who does not see eye to eye with me. And I would never ask him to do something I was not willing to do. They can help it, they can stop, and no it isn’t just “being a man” when they oggle other women.

    My fiance hasn’t checked out another woman since the first time I caught him. I called him out on it and he hasn’t done it since. Is he doing it when I’m not around? I don’t think so but he could be. But he knows better than to do it in front of me. These are boundaries my fiance and I established int he very beginning of our relationship and we both are very dedicated to them.

    Post # 163
    Member
    69 posts
    Worker bee

    Illegal makes me assume it involves people who aren’t of the age of consent.  This is an absolute deal breaker.  Casual watching of porn isn’t a problem.  It’s the frequency and nature of the porn that worries me.

    Post # 164
    Member
    1462 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @fishbone:  Omg chill out. I was not correlating pedophilia to homosexuality. I was speaking  of sexual orientation — homo, hetero, pedo, or other — and how it is an inborn trait rather than a choice. In fact, as you quoted me, I was specifically addressing the title of “insane”, and attempting to introduce some kindness and empathy into a horrific situation… one that I personally would not be able to handle.

    If you read my entire response carefully, you might have seen that I also addressed the issue of action vs attraction. Seems unnecessary to jump down my throat telling me the same things I myself said. ETA, the distribution/creation of child pornography is an action, and clearly wrong and different from mere attraction. I assumed that would be self-evident from my other statements but perhaps you weren’t interpreting the word “action” as literally as I intended.

    You might try a little kindness and empathy yourself, sometime.

    Post # 165
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I see nothing wrong with (legal) porn so long as it doesn’t get in the way of your sex life or his personal/work life.  So yes, I would marry a man who is open about the fact that he plans to continue watching porn because that isn’t a big deal to me.

    The illegal porn (which I can only assume you mean child porn?) would be a red flag to me though.

    Post # 166
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I think the general opinion on the thread is that if he is watching illegal porn, dump him and that as far as the yay or nay about porn in general is each person’s personal decision.

    View original reply
    @BelliniChic:

    @BlondeMissMolly:

    So between people who responded before that was added, and those who don’t freaking read, we’ve got ourselves a cluster****.

    Exactly… before you start getting crappy with people about their posts, maybe you should take your own advice and read their entire posts – btw, my username is MrsJ2Bee, so you can read my posts again to get the facts straight.

    Add in some ridiculous generalizations from armchair psychologists about male behavior and how stupid we are to believe our men just *might* be different than someone else’s, and you’re up to speed.

    Interesting that when the results of medically accepted studies don’t agree with your own moral opinions, they are quacks. These doctors and experts have built their careers on researching and studying human behavior… I’m not talking about Dr. Phil’s TV ratings. My post was based on the general majority of men, and I clarified that in my 2nd post. Hence, take your first advice and read the posts.

    I know. Some people apparently are clairvoyant and have the ability to see into the brains of men they’ve never met. I think it is a sign of profound stupidity for someone to go on the internet and argue with a lot of anonymous women that their SO’s are absolutely into porn, because all men are into porn, case closed. Or maybe it’s just a case of overinflated ego??

    No one has said they are clairvoyant or that they can speak for every single man on the face of the earth – stop putting words in other people’s mouths. At least I have had the maturity to post your comments exactly as they were written. If you have an issue with someone’s post, put on your big girl panties and have enough courtesy to say it to their “face”. As far as stupidity goes, it’s pretty ignorant for you to think that “others” are hiding behind the anonymity of the thread when you won’t even have the guts to call people out by name to debate their opinions (which I have just done). Also, no one has an inflated ego… just their own opinion. Amazing how it’s okay for you to get on your high horse, but not anyone else who doesn’t agree with your opinion. Grow up.

    Now, back to the original post and questions…

    View original reply
    @poppygirl16:

    Background:

    -Both in mid/late twenties-Stable jobs-Serious long term relationship/deeply in love-No party has cheated on the other before-Girl’s sex drive is lower than fiance’s, but tries to bring it up for his sake-Engaged.

    Context: girl worried about their future because of his early history (teen/early twenties-era) of porn addiction, including (not sure if I should say it here, but the illegal kind if you catch my drift). This issue has come up a few times in the past but has never been a giant stumbling block, mainly because they choose to not talk about it too much. The girl is obviously uncomfortable about porn and his ‘wandering eye’, but loves him to death nonetheless because they get along so well in every other aspect of their relationship.

    If the two of you have been in a long term relationship and have spoken before about his issues with porn addiction and illegal porn, you have a problem with his opinion about porn, and are uncomfortable with his porn and “wandering eye” – then why did you accept his proposal in the first place? Obviously the information has been around for a while, if his addiction happened at least 5 years ago (based on the age information you have given) and you have spoken to him about it mulitple times before. If you have known about these issues, but have turned a blind eye because you have chosen mot to address the issue – what makes you think it would change now?

    If you were that girl mentioned above, would you marry a guy who told you this:

    “Baby, I really love you and want to marry you. Yes, I’m probably going to want to look at other girls, because let’s face it — i really like being aroused, a lot, and I’m probably not going to want to not give that up. I just really, really, like girls–I’m a guy, I can’t help it. I will probably want to look at porn sometimes. But, I can promise you that I won’t cheat on you.”

    – Is this something that all guys think, but just don’t say out loud? (the guy is a very honest guy; sometimes untactfully so).

    It sounds to me like he has been open with you (even about his illegal activity) and you have chosen to ignore it until now. Where was your “red flag” feeling before? Obviously it didn’t bother you so much before that you refused his proposal. What has changed your mind? I know what I’m saying is harsh, but if you are so worried about his illgeal activities, it’s shame on you for ignoring the information you were given in the past. If you are unhappy with his porn activity and openess about watching other girls, yet he refuses to change his actions, then you either need to accept his actions or draw the line and state your rules.

    I know that the posts on your thread have become so far from your original issues – my own included – but I hope these posts show you that the feelings on porn are from one “extreme” to the other. Your decision needs to be based on your own ideas and morals.  I realize that many of the responses on your thread are very heated – but no matter what you choose, you will have others that will agree with you and support you. I think that some may not agree with your decision, but will support the fact that it is your decision to make. You are the only one who can make the final decision. Good luck, and please keep us posted.

    The topic ‘Would you marry a guy who told you THIS:’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors