Post # 17
Nope, but Darling Husband wasn’t my first anyway. Just like living together, I think you have to know that you’re sexually compatible before you commit to someone. I wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so why should my future be any different?
Post # 18
Also, I think marriage is the last/ultimate step of intimacy. Marriage is a commitment, sex isn’t. So a relationship timeline with sex after marriage just wouldn’t make sense for me.
Post # 20
No, for many of the same reasons as PPs. I believe that intimacy is an aspect of solid relationships, and I would not marry a man I didn’t know in every possible way.
While I do think that a couple’s intimate life can and should grow with the couple, I would not be ok with only beginning that aspect of a marriage only after making a committment.
Post # 21
Nope. I completely respect that for some waiting until marriage is best for them, but for me it would be too big a gamble. If we simply aren’t sexually compatible then it’s probably going to end in a “let’s be friends” divorce.
Post # 22
I didn’t – but I would have. It just wasn’t that great with my ex-boyfriend, but our whole relationship wasn’t that great. It’s awesome with my husband and it’s because of how he treats me, not the size of his banana (although that’s nice too!).
Post # 23
If my Fi and I were both virgins, perhaps. I have a lot of respect for women and men who wait.
Post # 24
sexual compatibility is so important. how hgh your sex drives are, how well you mesh in bed..,. they are so important! just like finidng out all about your Fiance before you marry him, it seems that if you don’t know that info you are missing a huge piece of the puzzle.
Post # 25
Thanks ladies for your your replies, and just to clarify I didn’t actually wait with my fiance either. I ask because recently I was talking to my mother and she’d made a remark which suggested that she didn’t realise I was sexually active. After speaking a few friends about this, I realised it’s quite common to abstain before marriage and just wanted to check what the consensus was.
Post # 26
I guess I’ll just present a dissenting opinion. Now, I’m not waiting, because I’ve already had sex with my SO, but I do think sex is not neccessary before marriage–I know many people at my church who did not have sex before marriage and eventually had fufilling relationships and sex lives! I see sex as an expression of the love and committment you have for someone–SO is the only person I’ve had sex with and the only one I would ever want to have sex with. I also see it as something that you can work on and get better at. I don’t really believe in “innate sexual incompatibility”. Are some people more compatible than others? Sure. But like anything, if you work at sex and understanding each other, maybe even seeing a sex therapist if it’s really bad and you aren’t jiving at all, you definitely can get better! And though I do believe intimacy is a factor that goes into solid relationships, I believe it is something that definitely can be introduced later in the relationship: say, after marriage.
But of course, this is just my opinion, and i think everyone else’s is rational as well!
Post # 27
@almostmrsj: Well, there’s more to sexual compatibility than the size of someone’s “banana.”
For me personally, every ex I’ve had that was HORRIBLE in bed no matter how much effort and trying and communication was put in that is enough proof for me that waiting till marriage simply isn’t worth it. What if I had married one of these guys? I’d literally be sentencing myself to a sexless life. That to me isn’t worth it. If I wanted to spend my life not having sex and have a friendly relationship with someone I’d just find a roommate. Yeah, sex isn’t everything in a marriage but it’s a little silly to think it can’t be a make or break factor. Not saying you’re stupid to wait. That’s not at all what I’m saying. But what I am saying is it’s just not worth the risk for me.
Post # 28
Sex is extremely important for a relationship. I tried to date a guy who was “saving himself”, and it was a totally different relationship. It just felt juvenile to me and I personally don’t feel that it’s good to start our relationship. I’ve also known lots of men who marry their first and then a couple years later, get the urge to see what else is out there. Fiance and I know exactly what’s out there, and I will never have to worry decades from now if I could have had it better.
People who do it for religious reasons should do what’s right for them obviously, and maybe it’s different for some people. But I couldn’t do it.
Post # 29
Have you ever bought a car without test driving it first?!?!
Post # 30
Yes…I think there are other ways to test your compatibility other than having sex (non-sexual physical touch, intimate communication, etc). With that being said, I won’t be marrying a guy I’ve never slept with. But I do regret sleeping together so much, I wish we had waited. Only a couple weeks after, we made a decision together to wait and it will be over 2 years since then when we actually do get married. I do know that I am attracted to him, the way we communicate even if we’re just cuddling feels right and intimate, and we know each other’s sexual preferences for the future (and we are still learning, just by talking about it). But of course it’s still hard to wait until the wedding!
Post # 31
I personally think sexual compatibility is really important. What happens if you get started and you find out that one of you is very vanilla and the other is very not? I think you really need to know what you’re getting yourself into, and I’m not saying a compromise can’t be reached, but there’s really only so much you can do if you just don’t click.