(Closed) Would you marry a guy you've never slept with?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you marry someone that you haven't slept with in bed?
    No, I want to know what I'm marrying. : (141 votes)
    36 %
    Yes, meaningful relationships are based on factors other than sex. : (99 votes)
    25 %
    No, sexual experience is important for fulfilling married life. : (131 votes)
    34 %
    Yes, it's more meaningful when the relationship is pure. : (20 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I can go either way on this.  In my past relationships, the incompatiability in the bedroom was always a symptom of our incompatiability elsewhere in our relationship.  Most of my past partners were not very giving or easy to teach in the bedroom, but they were like that in all aspects of our relationship.  So I imagine I would be able to tell if I was compatiable with someone regardless of whether or not we slept together.  However, there is no way for me to really know for sure because I didn’t take that route.

    Post # 33
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I can understand why people choose to marry without having sex for religious reasons, but personally I wouldn’t have married anyone without having had sex with them.

    I also wouldn’t have married anyone without having lived together for an extended period of time. I wanted marriage to be sealing the deal rather than starting a life.

    Post # 34
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My Fiance and I will have been together over 3 years by the time we are married and we have never had sex with each other. And if the sex sucks after marriage? The worst that will happen is that our relationship will continue on the same as it has the past three years, and I will be MORE than happy with that. Also, I’d like to throw in that I am absolutely CONVINCED that HAD we had sex in the beginning of our relationship, around the time when many people do, we most likely would not be getting married three years later. Our relationship was very rocky at first and sex would have just added an extra complication that wouldn’t have helped.

    Also, (and I’m sort of suprised that noone has mentioned this), just because two people haven’t had intercourse, doesn’t neccesarily mean that they don’t know whether theyre sexually compatible. There’s lots of other things you can do besides straight up sex. Would I marry someone that I haven’t done ANYTHING with? Maybe not. But there are other things you can do with each other, and even if the sex part doesnt turn out to be ideal, you at least know you have other options for intimacy.

    And this is not at ALL meant to attack the person who said this, because I do respect everyones opinions on the matter, and I believe eveyone has the right to believe what they want, but I find the whole “if you’re saving yourself, it seems juvenile” stance to be kind of offensive. Just because one person has chosen to have sex, doesn’t mean that that person has the right to look at another person as being juvenile for making a different decision. The fact that it factored into your relationship is understandable, you both had different standpoints and goals and of course there’s going to be issues there. But I am almost 30 years old and I consider myself to be a full grown adult, and when my various partners have complained that I still act like I’m in junior high because of the no sex thing, it’s been very VERY hurtful to me. I’ve gone through a lot of hard things, heard a lot of harsh words, and gone through a lot of bad breakups over me saving myself, and I don’t think my decision should be trivialised by being called juvenile.

    Obviously, it touches a nerve with me, and I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m on some sort of soap box, or if I’m trying to start a fight (which I’m not!). I just wanted to point out that we all choose different paths in life, and I think people should be a little more sensitive to other’s opinions and viewpoints. If it doesn’t work for your life, by all means, don’t include it! But no need to judge other’s anyway.

    Sorry, this has gotten so long, I’ll shut up now >.<

    Post # 35
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would, if the reason we were waiting was something I was ok with. I don’t find sex to be terribly important.

    Post # 36
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No way – I once dated a guy who was awful in bed, thinking it could change and get better and it did not.  He was not willing to try and “learn” or work with me to have my needs met.  I also think he might be gay now so maybe that’s why he didn’t feel like trying, but because of this experience I would never marry someone without having sex with them first – because although sex isn’t the most important thing, when you’re not having it (or not having good sex) it becomes the most important thing.

    Post # 37
    Member
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    Nope. Maybe if I were a virgin. Then I’d have no idea what was bad or good, so it’d be all good. Sex isn’t the most important, but being satisfied is very important. Money isn’t the most important, but let someone spend money they don’t have and the other get wind of it at a bad time. all hell will break loose.

    Post # 38
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No. No. No. I think it’sfoolish (though I’ve had friends who had). To me, marriage is about being compatible and growing together. There’s nothing inherent within the moment that one says I do that changes that. In that respect, I thnk it’s foolish to reserve such a big part of marriage for after the wedding. I know people get religion into the mix but just as I feel you would be talking finance prior to the big day, the same goes with sex.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2949 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @mrsSonthebeach:  I absolutely concur with your post.

    I would not marry someone I have not slept with and thus did not know if I was sexually compatible with them.

    Post # 40
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    “… I’ve had dong and I know how important good sex is.”

    Oh my….  this made me snort.

    Post # 41
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Yep. Darling Husband and I waited till marriage and it worked just fine for us!

     

    FYI, if you don’t want the “why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free” saying used on you for not waiting to have sex, don’t use the “I wouldn’t buy the car without test driving it first” saying on those who do wait. It’s equally rude.

    Women are neither bovines nor cars 😉

    Post # 42
    Member
    665 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    absolutely waiting but understand why people dont.

    but, just a note I agree with @hisgoosiegirl, some of the things people are saying are incredibly rude. Its not “foolish,” plenty of people wait and have great marriages and fantastic sex lives. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @maggiemay0811:  😉

    I should add that Darling Husband and I definitely knew we were compatible beforehand. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other!

    Post # 44
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I respect someone’s decision to wait, but I would never, ever do so. Loving someone can not make great sex happen on its own. I’m a really sexual person, and it’s a large part of what makes my relationship great.

    I dated a guy on and off that I would fool around with and it was amazing. Well, when we finally had sex, it was AWFUL. The next few times were even worse, I even yawned twice. Knowing how hard it can be to substain passion and great sex throughout a marriage, I would never agree to date someone seriously, let alone marry them, without making sure we were compatible from start to finish in bed.

    Post # 45
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

    No, but not for the reasons in the poll. I was emotionally ready (and super excited!) to have sex when I was in my late teens, but would not have gotten married that young.

    Post # 46
    Member
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Nope, and I wouldn’t marry someone without having lived together first either (the old “test drive the car” saying).

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