(Closed) Would you marry a man with whom you've never had a fight?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should you know your partner's fighting style before you get married?
    Yes : (93 votes)
    50 %
    No : (53 votes)
    28 %
    I don't know : (25 votes)
    13 %
    I don't care...I just want to vote : (16 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Have you had any disagreements or times when you didn’t see eye to eye? Have you talked about money, future savings, future children, what to do about family conflicts? Not fighting could mean that you’re both great at communicating BEFORE issues blow up, or it could mean that you have unresolved feelings that you don’t share because you want to avoid conflict. If it’s the first, then I’d marry without hesitation. If it’s the second, then I’d be more wary.

    Honestly, because you both have been married before, it might be worth it to see someone to find out exactly why you don’t fight. I’d want to avoid letting any of my negative relationship behaviors (which we all have) carry over into my new forever marriage.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Fiance and I have never had a fight either, but I know absolutely everything gets talked about and resolved. We just don’t disagree or have to defend our points. If I waited to find out what his fighting style was, I’d be waiting forever.

    BUT if you’re not fighting and things are not getting addressed and resolved, definitely get to a point where everything is getting out in the open and sorted out one way or another. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @Sugaree:   Honestly, this seems kinda strange to me. It doesn’t have to be a knock down drag out screaming match, but I think some fighting is normal, especially when dealing with emotionally charged issues. If my partner and I never fought, I would wonder if he was apathetic about our relationship. I would also wonder whether we had a close enough emotional connection or I just didn’t know him well enough.

    ETA: have you guys lived together? I know that a lot of disagreements tend to come up after moving in together.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Depends how you define fight. We have disagreements and we discuss them. Sometimes they get heated, but never has one of us raised our voices or called each other names. We stick to the issue at hand. We discuss everything that comes up that annoys us, have issues with etc so that things do not build up into an explosion.

    We have only really had big disagreements over sharing the house workload. Other items have been pretty trivial and easily solved.  Our current conversation we can’t seem to find a resolution to is about getting anothre dog when we move.

    So yes, I would marry someone I never had a fight with, but I wouldnt marry someone I have never disagreed with. I dont think that is realistic. Someone is giving in too often or hiding it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Sugaree:  That sounds like my relationship, and I don’t find it strange at all. It just doesn’t happen that way for everyone, so people might think it’s weird and wrong. If you’re in the middle of it, and it feels good and right, theres nothing wrong. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I have been with Fiance for nearly 5 years and we do not fight. We never had. We’ve had small bickering moments, but those are very few and far between, like once a year. We are just both pretty open, pretty level headed, and generally see eye to eye on most things. I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with that as long as neither one of us is holding back, which I don’t think we are. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t find it strange; my fi and I have been together almost 5 years now, and have had a grand total of ONE fight and maybe 5 arguements. Never called each other names, never insulted each other, never slept on the sofa. 

    We are very good at resolving conflict without becoming all emotionally worked up. We talk to each other constantly and don’t shy away from “scary” topics (i.e. money, family drama, sexual history, etc)

    I would think, though, since you say that you both used to be “emotional punching bags” for your ex’es, then you might want to visit with a counsellor just to make sure you both have the communication skills to resolve things when things bother you. You don’t want to just bury stuff because things rarely solve themselves, and if you are worried that your painful pasts might be making you too non-confrontational, then a little therapy may help you grow in this area.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    You are both humans so you will continue to grow and change after the wedding. What’s important is that you both mean it when you take your vows and commit to working on the relationship, no matter what it entails. If you start figthing on your honeymoon it shoudln’t be any different than if you had fought after dating for only a month.

    Post # 14
    Member
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My XH and I NEVER fought even through the divorce.  Fiance and I have had arguments but never a full on fight with screaming and yelling. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    911 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think as long as you both are genuinely happy in the realtionship, and not complying with your spouses views because your afraid of conflict, your perfectly alright! Consider yourselves lucky 🙂

    However if you feel you are just agreeing to agree or he his, then it may be something to be concerned about.

    People can learn to “fight” to, I wasn’t the best when I was younger and even at times now 🙂 My anger can get the best of me, same with my Darling Husband but we are learning to put eachother in check when need be…not in mean a way, but learning to react differently.

    So even if you never fought and you realize in your first fight that he may or may not remind you of your ex, just remember it can still be worked through!

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