(Closed) Would you marry someone who cheated on you?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
503 posts
Busy bee

hell. no. 

 

not a chance. 

Post # 17
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well, it’s possible not to know you’ve been cheated on. However, if I knew there was a prior history, no..he’d be out so fast.

Post # 18
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

No 

Post # 19
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
teee:  I have to agree. Cheating a month in and a year in are completely different. While I could never marry someone id been with for awhile and who had cheated, if we had JUST started dating, and he cheated, and we had barely been established, I think (key word think) I could move pa that as long as there were no repeated issues. 

But like someone said, every situation is different an ld it’s hard to give a yes or no answer. 

Post # 20
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Never never never.

Post # 21
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Nope! I wouldn’t even continue to date that person, let alone marry him. 

Post # 22
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
holamarcia:  I would hope I would have the courage to leave but if I had been with him for a long time and was totally in love with him and had built a life together, it would probably turn into a case of ‘I’ll try and forgive you’ and then it fall apart anyway.

I don’t think there’s a simple answer to this even though the obvious solution would be that the person should run…

Post # 23
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

No. Absolutely not.

Post # 24
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

I’d like to think no but honestly like a PP stated who knows what I would do if actually in the situation.  it would be a major thing for me to get over but not entirely impossible. There isnt a clear cut yes or no for me as I’ve never been in the situation. 

Post # 25
Member
7633 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t like to make blanket statements about these things or to view the world in such black and white terms. I have heard of stories where infidelity was overcome. However, I don’t *think* I could do it. I tend to get insecure sometimes even when everything is great in a relationship…I just don’t think I could ever make myself vulnerable enough to fully trust a previously unfaithful partner again.

Post # 26
Member
4255 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Probably not.  But if they cheated after I would prob find a way to get through that.  If they cheat before you are even married though, in what should be the good times, what are they going to do in the bad times?

Post # 27
Member
6851 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If someone cheats before the wedding ever takes place, that doesn’t bode well for the relationship over the long term, IMO. Marriage often involves many years, and many ups and downs as far as health, money, children and just day to day activities. If someone cheats before they even begin the long haul, I just don’t think they have what I would want in a person.

But as difficult as it would be to overcome after marriage, I cannot say with certainty that I would automatically leave after 20 years of marriage and having children together, especially if the household were otherwise peaceful and content. I’m not sure I could break the home my children depend on so heavily; that would feel as selfish on my part as cheating would have been on his. I can’t guarantee that I would NOT leave, either, but it would probably depend on the circumstances (unlike cheating before marriage for me).

Post # 28
Member
15001 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
somethingblueorgold:  Well, as someone who is that person, I believe that someone who *cheated* is not necessarily a *cheater*.  One wrong act does not define a person.  If someone gets distracted while driving one time and is in an accident, based on that one event should they be defined as a wreckless driver forever?   I’ll admt it…. My husband and I got together and married, with him knowing full well I did cheat and leave my ex for him.  I knew my immature bad “reasons” for doing so, as did he.  But he does not worry cause there is nothing to worry about.

Post # 29
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
holamarcia:  NOOOOOOOOPE

  

Post # 30
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

For me it would depend on the circumstances.

Eg If you met young and they had a one night stand when you were at college then that’s very different to having a 6 month affair with a colleague. A slightly drunk kiss at an office event is different to actively seeking hookups online etc  

I’ve seen good people make terrible mistakes so wouldn’t want to judge unless I’m in that situation. I’d like to think that I could forgive a mistake but I don’t think I could ever forgive an affair. 

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