(Closed) Would you marry someone who cheated on you?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hell no!

Post # 48
Member
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I personally wouldn’t. I’d be absolutely crushed by their action. We have a family friend who’s husband was a serial cheater. He cheated multiple times before the wedding and she got married to him thinking he would change, which he obviously didn’t. They’re divorced now. 

On the other hand, my dad cheated on my mom when they were dating in their early 20’s. They broke up for a while because of it, and then started dating again and got married a little later. They’ve been married for 23 years and are very much in love and as far as I know, he has not cheated on her since they’ve been married.

Post # 49
Member
12812 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Personally, no, I never would. 

Post # 50
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

To each their own. Personally I probably couldn’t however my ex-husband married the girl that he cheated on me with and now they’re having a baby 4 years later. Whatever works for your friend I hope she finds happiness

Post # 51
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

View original reply
carrolltobee:  I’m glad you posted. My best friend went through something similar. She married a man who emotionally cheated when they were engaged. Their wedding wasn’t planned when it happened, nor was it when he came clean and my friend found out about it. She was able to forgive him. Harder to forget, and though they are now married with children she is still working on building trust. He is working on gaining it. It still hurts her too. The important thing was that she stayed with him because she wanted to. Not because she needed him or because she had to. She chose to be with him. She’s strong and I admire her so much for it.

View original reply
maritimebride2016:  great post! You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It makes me sad that people are often so judgemental. As though people who stay with or get with someone who cheated are foolish. You sound strong and forgiving. I admire that.

Post # 52
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
AlmostMrsJames:  Thank you, yes. Exactly this. I couldn’t consciously feel good marrying that person – knowing that someone was dishonest and unloyal in a previous relationship where they said they loved that person. 

 

Post # 53
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I think it depends on the situation.  My ex cheated on me after almost 4 years together, and while the relationship ultimately didn’t work out we did both want to try and work it out at the time.  I always thought that infidelity was an automatic deal breaker for me, until I was in that position and had to actually live it.

Post # 54
Member
47 posts
Newbee

No.  Not marry them.  But also not even date that person either.  Do people not have any self respect?!

Post # 55
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

Fiance and I have discussed infidelity and ways we can avoid situations that could lead to temptation and making a mistake. We have both agreed we would not tolerate cheating. As distressing and heartbreaking as it would be, I would leave and move on. With the amount we have discussed it, it would have to be a pretty deliberate choice to cheat from either one of us. I would know I need to move on.

Post # 56
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Nope, not a chance.

If something happened YEARS into marriage, then maybe it would be worh working through, but if they didn’t love me enough prior to marriage not to stick their dick elsewhere, then that to me is a clear cut sign it’s never going to work.

Post # 57
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t.

My friend has been cheated on three times by her husband. Clearly he hasn’t learned nor cares to stop. She doesnt trust him, and why should she?

Post # 58
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Personally, no not a chance and I do have a personal story. I was engaged to a man when in my early 20’s and I found out he cheated on me the first couple of months of our dating while we were in separate states with a girl a few times involving sexual actions other than intercourse. We were supposed to be exclusive. He was in his late 20’s. We were engaged when I found out almost 2 years after it happened. I left him. He wanted to work through it with counseling and the whole 9 yards, my friends didn’t understand my decision, his family thought I was completely nuts, but I couldn’t shake my gut feeling of “LEAVE.” All the other aspects of our relationship were great and he hadn’t seen or spoken to that other girl from all those years ago when it happened so there wasn’t a threat … I just couldn’t do it.

He moved on within a few years and married a really nice girl I worked with (big hospital so it wasn’t weird like we had to see each other or anything). They got married inside of 2 years and were together for 10 years total in what appeared to be bliss. But guess what? He freaking had an affair with her coworker after a decade of being faithful.

Now, I am not saying “once a cheater always a cheater” but I will say “once a cheater always without me” I’m not going to wonder.  You have my trust until,  well, you don’t then why would I bother especially if we aren’t married I feel I have an easy out. Now, to each their own but I just can’t do it.

Post # 59
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It always depends on the situation and this is coming from someone who has gone through this. When I first started dating my fiance, he was upset and got himself very drunk one night made a poor decision that truly meant nothing to him. It was very upsetting for me at the time, but it didn’t happen because he loved someone else.. and he didn’t have some huge affair! He just made one extremely poor decision. Years later, we are the happiest we’ve ever been and will be married in a year! And I’m definitely not ashamed for being with him. He is an incredible person, very trustworthy, and I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else. He had some serious growing up to do and he did just that! People make dumb decisions but can definitely grow up and learn from their poor choices. It definitely doesn’t mean a relationship is doomed. 🙂 People should just do what makes them happy, besides.. I really can’t judge what anyone does because I don’t know the whole story. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  seaofatlas.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  seaofatlas.
Post # 60
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Err I’ll put myself in the ‘it depends’ camp. If Fiance had drunkenly kissed someone in the beginning of our relationship and was truly, truly sorry and told me about it BEFORE I found anything out myself, then I’d probably be able to get past it. But a full blown affair? Hell no, never. Nothing can excuse a consciously made decision like that. Affairs would – I imagine – require quite a lot of thought and planning, as well as deliberate deception, none of which would be ok in my book (nor FIs). That is just so disrespectful.

That being said, after EVERY one of my ex-BFs cheated on me in one way or another I have a serious paranoia of drinking and forgetting that I did something wrong. Which is daft, because I’d rather cut off my own hand with a butterknife, and I don’t drink to excess OR have ever even ‘blacked out’. But yea, being cheated on can do some serious psychological damage.

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