(Closed) Would you marry someone who cheated on you?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
1644 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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holamarcia:  I think there are soooo many different scenarios that it is hard to say yes or no to the broad statement you have presented.

I don’t see it as much different to staying together with someone who cheated on you.  If I had moved past it and we were still together, then marriage would definitely be a possibility in our future.

I don’t think many truly know what they would do in the situation until they are in it.

Post # 62
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t agree when people say once a cheater, always a cheater. I definitely believe that people can change and learn from their experiences – and plus, you can’t use one tired old line to cover all of those thousands of different scenarios and reasons.

That’s not to say that everybody will change, or even most people, but I do think it’s possible.

Post # 63
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

No and I couldn’t/wouldn’t stay with someone who cheated on me even if marriage wasn’t on the cards.

Yes people can change but whether he cheats again is neither here nor there. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on someone who broke my trust and obviously doesn’t truely love me. 

Post # 64
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

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holamarcia:  Absolutley not, you’d never be able to trust them.

Post # 65
Member
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Having been through this, absolutely not.

Post # 66
Member
9022 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

No. Marriage is built on respect and trust. Someone who cheats on you clearly states that they have no respect for you. I personally have more respect for myself than to stay with someone that would cheat. Plus I would also lose respect for them so there would be no foundation to sustain a marriage on.

 

Post # 68
Member
5088 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

It would depend on a few things: the nature of the cheating (a drunken kiss, a one night stand, an affair, one time, multiple times, etc.), the nature of the relationship at the time of cheating (early, late, engaged, living together, etc.) and how long after the incident I’m finding out about it. 

If, say, I was engaged to a man after 5 years of dating and I just found out that he drunkenly kissed another girl at a college party the first month we dated but has been completely faithful since, that would be something I could get over. If I found out the same man drunkenly kissed another girl a month prior, then that is something I could not likely get over. An affair or multiple incidents of cheating would be inexcusable at any point for me. 

Post # 70
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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holamarcia:  I guess that if the situation was somewhat unique and workable, I can see how someone might choose to stay and work through issues and eventually marry. 

I would personally never stay with or marry someone who cheated. I don’t believe in second chances in this situation and I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life second guessing and questioning his every move. Trust loss is a huge issue.

Post # 71
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. Not at the beginning of the relationship (because REALLY, you hadn’t been together a month and they were already getting it elsewhere?) or at the engagement/start of a marriage. Cheating is a conscious choice to betray the person you claim to care about/love, who you obviously didn’t care about/love as much as yourself and your own selfish desires.

The only way I could (maybe) forgive such a betrayal was if he was out-of-his-mind drunk, at which point I would tell him that if he wanted to stay with me he wasn’t allowed to have more than a couple beers ever again, because he clearly can’t be counted on to remain faithful while drunk. If he doesn’t like it, there is the door.

Post # 72
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Well, it depends….my fiance cheated on me 35 years ago when we were both young and foolish. After all this time of good behavior I think I can trust him LOL!

Post # 73
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Well, it depends…of course if it happened six months ago I would say “no way!”

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  TinderBoxx.
Post # 75
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes. Depending on cirumstances. 

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