Post # 47
We’re living apart right now because I’m abroad for work (although will be returning soonish), and will have to do it again next year for the same reason.
I love what I do, and to me one of the benefits of my career path is these long term trips & living abroad for extended periods of time. I wouldn’t do it permanently although I know plenty of people in my field who do do that, but it’s what I need to do to advance in a career that I enjoy very much.
Post # 48
No, I wouldn’t. Where we live is a joint decision. If he didn’t want to move, I’d find another job. A job will come and go, a life partner (hopefully) will not.
Post # 49
Thanks for sharing your story! It happens…obviously its not the ideal situation.
I hope you guys find a way to be together soon. Good luck with everything!
Post # 50
Like some others, this is a tough one for me to answer because my response has changed over the years. My now-husband and I lived apart for three years while we were dating because a job opportunity arose for him in a different city while I was still finishing grad school. Like you, OP, my thoughts ran as follows: I can’t put my foot down and ask him to stay local at the expense of his career when I am unwilling to do the same (i.e., leaving grad school to follow him).
So we toughed it out for nearly 3 years with no exit strategy (an approach I do not recommend). Finally things worked out to allow us to live in the same city again. We quickly agreed never to live apart for work reasons again. Since then we’ve gotten married, which only solidifies that decision in both our minds — either we both go, or neither of us do (allowing for short transitional periods, <3 months max).
I used to think I wanted one career so badly that the other stuff could just fall in line around it. Nowadays I feel like there is no one single job description or career path that I want enough to justify living separately from him again. Bottom line, you’re either “live to work” or “work to live” people. We discovered we are the latter — fulfilling, awesome jobs are great, but ultimately they are not much more than a vehicle to provide us with the life that we want to live together, and not the be-all end-all in and of themselves.
Good luck to you OP! You have to do what is best for you, and bystanders can’t define that for you.
Post # 51
I will or he will if necessary for our family, but temporary until the other one can move
Post # 52
IMO it’s a very person choice that will vary from couple to couple.
SO and I decided that I would move overseas to accept a really well-paying job. We were long distance for 7 months and saw each other once in that time. He then moved to where I was and we’ve being living together for over a year now. I renewed my contract till the end of next year and unfortunately, SO is having to move back to our ‘home town’ so we will have another year apart, though this time we will be seeing each other every 5 weeks which is much more manageable.
By spending next year apart, we’ll have enough money to travel for 9-12 months, then move back home, put a deposit on a house and buy two new cars. Obviously living apart is hard, but the benefits we get from doing so are worth it for us – but only for one more year!
Post # 54
@gromble: I moved 2000 miles away for a great job opportunity. It isn’t permanent though, only a year. I haven’t seen Fiance in 4 months, but I would move away again in a heartbeat. What is 1 year out of the rest of our lives? I was worried that if I turned down my dream job, I would resent him later. And I thought if he moved out to be with me, then he would resent me later (Have you seen 5 year engagement?). So right now we may be apart, but our relationship is stronger than ever and we both get to live our dreams.
Post # 55
I could never. I’d be miserable.
Post # 56
Would I move away from my now-husband? No.
Would I have moved away from him 2 years ago when we were STILL living together, with no sign of an impending engagement? Definitely.
We had been living together nearly a year when I started widening my search area for a job. I didn’t know definitively if he was going to propose or if his “Yeah, we’ll get engaged” was just going to drag out forever. So – I was looking out for myself. We were not married and I wasn’t going to limit myself as though I was. I’d spent enough time doing that.
I wanted a better job. And if a better job was 200 miles away…and it was one I wanted…I was taking it.
But when you’re already engaged? No, I wouldn’t do it. The intention’s been made and presumably you’ll be getting married.
Post # 57
No, neither of us even see that as an option. I mean we would discuss moving for a job together, but I wouldn’t move away for one. I don’t know/heard of anyone that has done that IRL, I see it on here and other online places but it’s not common around here. I think everyone in my circle/family would be shocked if someone moved away from their partner for work.
Post # 58
Yes if my fiance did I would just move with him. 🙂