(Closed) Would you move into the family home your partner grew up in?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

No. New union, new start. Title or leave in our new names! 

Post # 3
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Mlim:  My fiancé and I bought his parents house – the home he grew up in as a kid. 

It really depends on the in laws I guess – my in-laws were really, really good about handing over the keys and saying “it’s your house now, do what you want to it.” They never come over unannounced and they’re really respectful of the fact that it is our house now. Of course they kept a copy of the key as a spare, but we’d probably give them one regardless of the house we bought just in case.

It was a bit weird at first because they left a lot of there stuff in the house, but it didn’t take me long to stop seeing it as their house and start seeing it as my house, especially after we put in our own furniture and started painting and making changes here and there.

My Fiance was really good about it too because he wasn’t attached to anything the way it was before, so I had the freedom to change anything I wanted 🙂

I’ve had no issues, but I guess my situation is a bit different thank what you’re describing because the house is in our name.

So yeah, I say that it really depends on the in-laws!

Post # 4
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well, my fiance was shuffled around a lot when he was young. I don’t think either of us would prefer to have any of those residences though.

I agree starting fresh is more appealing.

Post # 5
Member
47422 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends on the circumstances.

If we needed to live rent free in order to save for our own home? Maybe. But I would change the locks.

Post # 6
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
Mlim:  I would, because DH’s childhood home is beautiful, and also because I trust my in-laws and know they wouldn’t hold something like that over our heads or to meddle in our business (they’re just very hands off kind of people with huge respect for personal boundaries). If my in-laws were crazy, I wouldn’t. Regardless, I would expect to pay at least some rent and would like to have a formal lease or agreement drawn up.

Post # 7
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee

Just want to add – I wouldn’t like it if the house was still in their name. It would make me feel like they had too many rights to it and that they could come over unannounced, leave their stuff here, make changes to it even if I didn’t like the changes, etc. Again it depends on the in-laws 🙂

Post # 8
Member
4103 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would like to live in the house itself because it’s a beautiful 3000 sq ft house. I don’t like the location of the house though, so that would actually be the deal breaker. 

Post # 9
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We live in a “family” home, similar situation except Fiance grew up down the road and his great aunt lived here and it belongs to his uncle although we hope to buy it and some of the land its on. He moved into it shortly after we started dating and i fell in love the first time i saw it.

The family all has keys but after one surprise visit while we were in the bedroom they started calling! We had one cousin ask to move in when his gf split up but we said no and the family agreed we couldn’t be expected to let him move in even if he is family. Fiance thought they may expect it but no one did thankfully. Its only a 3 bedroom 1 bath home and i have a child so that influenced our decision to say no.

Post # 10
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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Mlim:  if my husband’s parents gave us the keys to their home, i would take it haha! its gorgeous and great place to raise children. and if there was clear cut boundaries, i will be good.

my parents own a 3 house property (we lived in 1 of them, which i grew up in), and we recently moved into one of them. there is clear cut boundaries, and we pay the rent, etc. we like it a lot. as needed we help each other out.

Post # 11
Member
7635 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Mlim:  I know someone who did it, but they bought the house.

I would consider it, but only if we had full ownership and keys were handed back and/or locks were changed. 

I would absolutely not do it under the circumstances you mention (mother is owner and other people have keys).

Post # 12
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

For me, it depends how long we would be staying there. A month? Sure. A year+? Probably not, especially if there was a decent chance of a parent having to move in with us.

Post # 13
Member
4259 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
Mlim:  If it had all of our must haves (location, big enough, updated or easy renovations) then I would consider it. When my mother married my stepfather, we moved into his childhood home and I really loved that house. His parents were long gone (passed away) at that point, so that helped in terms of not seeing it as still belonging to them. 

My FI’s parents home has none of our must haves (small town far from our work, smaller, and would need serious construction to make it what we want) so I would not consider moving into their home. 

Post # 14
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I would, but not if the title remained in his parent’s names. If the house is supposed to be ours, then everything to do with it needs to be in our names. My FI’s dad designed the family home and I know my partner would like to hold onto it – especially after his dad passed away suddenly earlier this year. But we don’t think his mum will ever leave the house, so this is something that we hopefully won’t have to think about for a long time.

Post # 15
Member
7579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
Mlim:  No, but not because I see anything “wrong” with doing that. I would never want to live in the state/town that DH grew up in. Additionally, his parents smoke in the house and have forever. I would NEVER buy a home from a smoker, regardless of family or not. No amount of paint, new carpet, etc will that smell out. 30+ years of smoking….BARF. It’s also just not a layout that find that great. Overall, there are enough negatives that it would be a “no” even if it were free.

Aside from the reasons I listed above, I’d totally live in my childhood home. I’m from the south, and most of our homes I lived in growing up my parents built and were just beautiful southern homes. Neither of our parents are the kind of people to hold something over our heads.

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