(Closed) Would you pay for your own or put money towards your own engagment ring?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Would you pay for your own or put money towards your own engagment ring?
    Yes : (146 votes)
    65 %
    NO, NEVER! : (70 votes)
    31 %
    Other : (10 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    886 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I offered but he refused. something about his manly pride. ;P

    Post # 33
    Member
    1575 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Absolutely not! I already have two diamond rings I DO NOT WEAR and I told my Fiance I did not want another one. But he got me a nice .5 ct. diamond anyway because “that’s how it’s done”. I only wear it when we go out or I know I will not be out doing field work with my employment. I certainly did not need a ring to know I am engaged. So no, there would be no way I would help pay for an engagement ring. Now a new stereo for my car would be a different matter!

     

    But I AM paying for the wedding bands!

     

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Our finances have been combined for over a year now so technically I guess I did but I didn’t think about it that way. We are paying for our own wedding too.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee

    Aboslutely. I don’t want him breaking the bank and I don’t want him to buy something I only think is ok. That would be a total waste of money. If it was only ok I rather he not buy a ring and just propose without one. I don’t need a ring that bad. I told my guy that I would pay for the difference of anything above his price point. He accepted. Or so I thought. When he went to actually buy the ring he kicked me out and didn’t let me contribute a penny then said he only agreed to letting me pay to make me shut up. Smile

    Post # 36
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    My ring WAS mine… it belonged to my grandmother and I inherited it when she passed. My darling did pay to have it sized (a little spendy due to the size difference), so… I guess my ring was free? But I provided it.

    ETA: I’m surprised how many of you all would be fine plunking down money for your ring! Pleasantly surprised, I just would have thought the ratio would skew more towards “umm… no”

    Post # 37
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    No thanks…

    I did that the first time, and I have regretted it ever since.

    My first husband had a lot of issues in regards to relationships / commitment etc, and low self-esteem and self-loathing… by the time our marriage was over (20 Years later) he was clearly an Alcoholic with Abuse issues.

    I should have seen some of the RED FLAGS when I met him, but it was I WHO WAS SO IN LOVE

    It was I who thought… what the heck, all the money is both of ours (or going to be soon anyhow)

    This time round…

    I am a lot more cautious, and have kept a bit more of my ties to what is mine BEFORE we get married, including holding onto my condo … I am not making a full commitment to combine things until we are truly married (yes I have had some major trust issues to deal with in this relationship as a result of my first one)

    My Fiance though has been great, he’s never given me a reason to doubt his commitment to us (mind you he is a mature man of 60+ and not a kid fresh out of University at 23 like my Ex was)

    My Finance recently purchased a fabulous ring for me… quite expensive.  And he did it 100% on his own… by using some of his savings for this purpose (looking back, I think he’s been saving for awhile).  He was thrilled to buy me a ring that I LOVE… saying he wanted to get me something that I truly wanted, and would be proud to wear, and he said he loves it when I am happy… and he KNEW that such a ring would make me happy (and indeed the ring, his effort, and his caring about US in such a way, makes me all of these things)

    So much different from my first time round… when my Ex saw shopping for my ring as a Pain in the Butt… some sort of “necessity” that had to be met to get married.  So that is what makes me sad (mad) I ended up shelling out money for my own ring, versus him being keen to do this thing for me… as a visual representation of our love, and his promise to our commitment / marriage (BTW, it wasn’t a very big or expensive ring the first time round… so the effort wasn’t that great to begin with if you ask me)

    Lesson learned.

    Having a Man KEEN to marry you and show you that (on his own) and his having to plan for it, make it a surprise whatever… is a million times better.

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I wanted to. but my Fiance refused. It would have been nice to have a 1/4 more of a carat but I still love my e-ring and given the chance to swap out the diamond for a bigger one.. I wouldn’t do it 😀  and it does make me feel special that he chose it all on his own with his own money (which is big coming from him since he HATES spending money)

    Post # 39
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2023

    I proposed to him, so I’d bought his ring. Then he decided I needed to have one too.

    However, he was struggling in a job which didn’t pay well, so I bought my own ring and had it posted to him. He got to ask me to marry him back and didn’t have to go into debt doing so.

    Good times!

    Post # 40
    Member
    4109 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Probably not. I had no idea the ring or proposal was coming & paying all or partially for the ring would have ruined the surprise, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. I like that he handled such a large purchase for a gift to me.

    Post # 41
    Member
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We had a deal.  I put the downpayment on our house, he bought me a fab ring!  It all worked out in the end 🙂

    Post # 42
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Fiance and I had lived together for a while before we got engaged. Our finances were already combined long before the ring came so even if it had been a complete surprise, technically I would have been contributing since our spending comes from one big pot.

    Post # 43
    Member
    775 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I considered doing this when I received a big bonus at work around the same time we started seriously talking about getting engaged. However, Fiance (then-BF) had been telling me for a while that he didn’t have the money to propose, despite going on vacation (with me, mind you) twice a year. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he could have the money for a ring if he really wanted to, but getting married clearly wasn’t on his priority list at the time. I knew that giving him the money to buy my ring would not make him anymore ‘ready’ for marriage than he could be on his own. 

     

    When he did propose about 6 months later (using his own bonus from work), I knew it was the real thing and hadn’t been pushed into it. If I had paid, I would always have doubts in the back of my mind. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee

    Absolutely not ever.  When we get married, our finances will be combined.  But at the time of engagement, they are not.  Honestly, I’d be concerned about getting married to someone who couldn’t afford an engagement ring for me.  Not that it has to be lavish, but at my age, I need someone who has been fiscally smart enough to at least have enough to buy me a decent ring.

    Post # 45
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Sure, why not? If it’s financed and you get married soon thereafter, you’ll be paying for it anyway ;] We decided that he buy the e-ring, and I buy both the wedding rings. He ends up spending more, but hey, whatever 🙂

    Post # 46
    Member
    7295 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i might have seen this thread 6 months ago because i remember asking my Fiance if he would be ok with me doing that and he said no, it was something he felt he had to pay for.  I personally wouldn’t mind when i think about it….but i think at the time we got engaged, i liked the whole romantic aspect of him getting the ring and surprising me with a proposal.  Although we did look at rings together and i had an idea of his budget, so i picked one in that range.  It didn’t occur to me at the time to offer to help pay for it if i wanted something different/bigger.   That could also be due to the fact that we were both grad students and it was not like i would have had much money to offer. Maybe if i was already working and making more than him it would have been different?  who knows.

    However, now that we ARE making a bit more money and i have learned SOOO much more about rings and options from weddingbee, i decided i want to upgrade my ring – i just want to change the setting to a more plain solitaire and i want a slighty bigger carat size for my diamond (like to go from 1/4 to 1/2).   Fiance doesn’t mind if i do this, but i am not expecting him to pay for it as a present or anything. It something we will do together when we are financially capable.  I think I will get the new setting soon, but due to our baby on the way, the diamond upgrade is going to have to wait a couple more years!

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