- 4 years ago
I’m not TTC right now, but if I *could* time it, I probably would. I have no benefits with my job, no sick days, no vacation days, and certainly no maternity leave days. I mean, I could be gone as much as I wanted, but I wouldn’t get paid for any of it, so that would factor in a lot. My birthday is in December, and I think it would be awesome to *try* to share a birthday with my kid. But I wouldn’t be all distraught if I didn’t.
And I don’t think anyone intentionally says things like that to hurt other people, it’s just, if they’ve never experienced it, it’s not the first thing on their mind to be aware of when talking to other people.
For example, my first husband refused to have children. However, he didn’t tell me this before we got married. I went into the marriage with him telling me how much he loved children, how much he wanted them, etc, etc. After we got married, I would mention wanting to try, and his reason would always be “not right now.” To when I finally asked if he really did want them, and he came right out and said, “No. I don’t want them, I won’t have them, and I only told you that because I knew you wouldn’t marry me otherwise.” We didn’t have sex either, so it wasn’t one of those being able to tell him “oops” either. I’m dead serious, he outright refused. I think there was something wrong with him… needless to say, that was about 85% of the reason we got divorced. AFter all, if he lied about that, why wouldn’t he lie about something else?
Anyway, my reason for bringing that up, was that even knowing that I would, essentially, never be able to have children as long as I was with him, didn’t stop other people from telling me they were pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, or what their baby was doing. So even though I wasn’t physically unable to have them, it still hurt all the same. I’d go to the store and see baby items and cry. Were they being insensitve? No. It’s just because it wasn’t the first thing to come to mind when they said it.
And as for December birthdays, mine is Dec 30, so we were always out of school for my birthday and I never got to have a birthday party on my birthday . I never was able to understand that either. And at my school, when someone had a birthday, it was announced over the PA, the teacher gave a present (usually a pencil) etc. Even those with weekend birthdays got it either on Friday (Saturday birthday) or Monday (Sunday birthday) but for some reason, mine was overlooked Every. Single. Year. It wasn’t really an issue of not being entitled, but it just seemed like I was the only kid in the school who never had a birthday mentioned (first day of school, our friends – – and – had birthdays this month before school started, or the last day of school those with birthdays would have them mentioned but mine was never mentioned, by the school or the teacher, except the second grade where my teacher also had a holiday birthday [hers was Dec 20] and made a card and the class signed it). I always felt like somehow I was singled out for some unknown reason.