(Closed) Would you purposely time pregnancy for a specific month?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 46
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not TTC right now, but if I *could* time it, I probably would. I have no benefits with my job, no sick days, no vacation days, and certainly no maternity leave days. I mean, I could be gone as much as I wanted, but I wouldn’t get paid for any of it, so that would factor in a lot. My birthday is in December, and I think it would be awesome to *try* to share a birthday with my kid. But I wouldn’t be all distraught if I didn’t. 

And I don’t think anyone intentionally says things like that to hurt other people, it’s just, if they’ve never experienced it, it’s not the first thing on their mind to be aware of when talking to other people. 

For example, my first husband refused to have children. However, he didn’t tell me this before we got married. I went into the marriage with him telling me how much he loved children, how much he wanted them, etc, etc. After we got married, I would mention wanting to try, and his reason would always be “not right now.” To when I finally asked if he really did want them, and he came right out and said, “No. I don’t want them, I won’t have them, and I only told you that because I knew you wouldn’t marry me otherwise.” We didn’t have sex either, so it wasn’t one of those being able to tell him “oops” either. I’m dead serious, he outright refused. I think there was something wrong with him… needless to say, that was about 85% of the reason we got divorced. AFter all, if he lied about that, why wouldn’t he lie about something else? 

Anyway, my reason for bringing that up, was that even knowing that I would, essentially, never be able to have children as long as I was with him, didn’t stop other people from telling me they were pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, or what their baby was doing. So even though I wasn’t physically unable to have them, it still hurt all the same. I’d go to the store and see baby items and cry. Were they being insensitve? No. It’s just because it wasn’t the first thing to come to mind when they said it. 

And as for December birthdays, mine is Dec 30, so we were always out of school for my birthday and I never got to have a birthday party on my birthday . I never was able to understand that either. And at my school, when someone had a birthday, it was announced over the PA, the teacher gave a present (usually a pencil) etc. Even those with weekend birthdays got it either on Friday (Saturday birthday) or Monday (Sunday birthday) but for some reason, mine was overlooked Every. Single. Year. It wasn’t really an issue of not being entitled, but it just seemed like I was the only kid in the school who never had a birthday mentioned (first day of school, our friends – – and – had birthdays this month before school started, or the last day of school those with birthdays would have them mentioned but mine was never mentioned, by the school or the teacher, except the second grade where my teacher also had a holiday birthday [hers was Dec 20] and made a card and the class signed it). I always felt like somehow I was singled out for some unknown reason. 

Post # 47
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

tribbles:  The women in my family are hyper-fertile (my mom had 3 pregnancies while preventing pregnancy, my sister got pregnant VERY first try, and I got pregnant on my wedding night – which was our very first time not preventing) – and honestly, having a birthday in November in Canada SUCKS – the weather is either winter storm, or cold-ass rain. Both my siblings have summer birthdays, and they get to have BBQs or picnics or things like that. I’m so jealous. If I weren’t 30, with a career window of only about 4 years to have my kids, I probably would have tried to have a spring or summer baby.

That being said, we didn’t have time to wait, and now I’m due Oct. 31st.

Post # 48
Member
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

tribbles:  

I don’t see any problem trying for it. Like let’s say I want an April-May baby so I start trying in July. You either get lucky or you don’t. Plenty of people get pregnant in the first couple cycles. And if you don’t then you’d have to decide if you want a baby bad enough you’ll keep trying after that and get what you get. Once most people start, they don’t want to stop trying so they take what they can get after that. I got pregnant with my Dear Daughter the first time we had unprotected sex when I went off my BCP (and we only had sex once) so on the flip side don’t be dumb enough to think stuff like that doesn’t happen. I was sure one time wouldn’t matter…wrong. That’s how I got pregnant! I don’t see a big deal with trying to plan it for whatever reason you want, just obviously don’t get too upset if it doesn’t happen.

Plus, if it’s just seasonal issues, there are positives and negatives to almost any season that I can think of. I had an April baby (which was great because we could sit outside and I was off work in nice weather) and now I’m due around Thanksgiving. I prefer it to Christmas by far but it’s just what happened.  I get free reign to skip on driving to family holidays I don’t want to go to lol. I would have really enjoyed January as well for various reasons. I really didn’t want a baby later than very early April the second time (my first was early April) so January-February was going to be my ideal time for my second. On the positive side, my second will be 6mo at the beginning of the summer so there is more to do outside with both kids all summer. With my first being born in April we had to stay indoors for winter just when she was finally getting active (they really don’t do much the first 6 months).

Post # 49
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I started TTC aiming for the months I would like a baby to be born. Now I just want the dam baby! However I am taking a months break to avoid a february birthday (I did last year too). I am always ill in february so is my mother (who is coming to help when i have one) and adding a newborn in to that would be a nightmare! I’d literally not cope I have had flu every feb for about 10 years even if I get the flu jab. So yes I avoid feb and originally wanted to plan for a september baby as I am an august birthday my brother is september and its much easier being the oldest in a school year then the youngest! 

Post # 50
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My fi’s work is super busy Jan-April but if we’re not pregnant by the time March 2017 rolls around we won’t stop trying because we really want a family.  Actually, if we’re not pregnant by then it’ll be just about time to start the workup/possible fertility treatments as I will be 35 and we will start trying right after our wedding.  If it’s taken 5+ months, I don’t want to chance missing an opportunity to start our family.  I worry a lot about whether it’ll be possible for us – with our without medical help.  I have TWO friends who had babies in their 20s/early 30s without any difficulty.  One even had a bit of a surprise pregnancy 4 years ago.  Now they are both mid-30s and both have been TTC for over a year without success.  

Post # 51
Member
9100 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was hoping my larva would not have a holiday birthday (since I have a holiday birthday and it blows growing up. I was born Christmas Eve.) but I wasn’t particularly keeping track. Turns out she’s due June 2nd, so I dodged that bullet.

I read about a woman on Reddit who didn’t want a baby of a particular zodiac and threatened to put her child up for adoption if it was a Leo or a Capricorn.

Some people are cray.

Post # 52
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d try to time it to NOT give birth a certain month. Mainly, July/Aug/Sept when I don’t want to pregnant when its fucking nasty hot out!

Post # 53
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

double post

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  YogaMama.
Post # 54
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

socalgirl1689:  that’s pretty much how it was with me. I never really cared much, but after 18 months of trying I REALLY didn’t care. I just wanted to have a baby!

Post # 55
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I did mostly by season for our first child and for the second we based when we wanted TTC on how close we wanted them in age. I didn’t want be pregant in my third trimester in the summer, just too got and uncomfortable.

Post # 56
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

Hyperventilate:  Holy moly, that’s insane!

I would love not to be heavily pregnant during the worst part of the summer if I got to pick in some imaginary scenario, but we will be happy to see our future baby whenever he/she decides to appear!

Post # 57
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

tribbles:  I hear friends say this all the time and I just roll my eyes. Maybe I’m jaded from 1.5 years of TTC….

Post # 58
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

We tried! He wanted a Scorpio baby like him but it didn’t pan out.  I wouldn’t omit a month of trying to avoid a due date but only because I’m older and nervous about not trying for no really good reason. We did try extra hard to hit all the right days to get a little Scorpio though.  But hey if you are fertile myrtle and can plan it I see nothing wrong with it! And I thought I was an overplanner!

Post # 59
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve heard of people timing their pregnancy to ensure that their child is one of the oldest kids in the class (September/October birth) so that they are more developmentally advanced than the other kids and can beat them at everything. I think this is only a thing amongst certain psychotic “supermoms” on the UES, though. Even typing it out made me a little crazy.

I can see why some people would target certain months if it works better in terms of their job. That’s fine, but since it doesn’t apply to me, I won’t be doing it.

Post # 60
Member
4087 posts
Honey bee

YogaMama:  I feel too for my friend because one of our male friend’s wife had a baby shower last weekend. She was telling some of us that she and our friend (her husband) planned to start TTC last August so they can have a baby in May (middle of the year) since they both have birthdays towards the end of the year already (both November). They’re lucky that they got pregnant the first month. My friend who has not gotten a BFP yet was giving me the “look” the whole time since I’m the person at the shower who knew the most about her infertility. 

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