(Closed) Would you raise your baby gender-neutral?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How will you raise your children?
    Gender-neutral, I don't want to put any expectations of pressure on them at such a young age. : (38 votes)
    12 %
    Gender-oriented, boys with boy stuff, girls with girl stuff. : (46 votes)
    14 %
    A mix of both. Primarily gender-based, but if they show different interests, so be it. : (222 votes)
    70 %
    Other. Please explain! : (12 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 121
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    silkspectre94:  “I DO share your opinion, mostly, but to say someone is uninformed and just doesn’t accept your point of view because they don’t understand it isn’t right either.”  She is MISinformed, and it’s not because she doesn’t acept my point of view.  She is not aware of facts.  There’s a huge difference between those two things.  Transgendered does not mean a person is born with two genders.  Gender neutral does not mean raising a girl as a boy or a boy as a girl, and it certainly doesn’t mean cutting off a boy’s penis!  Her not “accepting” those things is not a difference of opinion.

    Post # 122
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’d like to remind all you lovely ladies that gender is what your BRAIN thinks you are. And sex is what you PHYSICALLY are. Your gender and your sex can either match, partially match, or not match at all. Please do not say “this is what they’ll always be regardless of surgeries and hormones” because that is not true. You’re not conditioned to be a boy or girl. You’re born with it. 

    Post # 123
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’d raise my kid with a mixture of the three. Boys toys and girls toys, but if it’s a boy I wouldn’t put him in a dress. Just like if it’s a girl I wouldn’t put her in a tux. I’d teach them it’s okay to be whatever you want to be and if you wanna dress like a boy, fine! If my son wants to dance ballet and wear makeup, I’ll sign him up and teach him how to apply it! It’s about being comfortable with who they are as a human being. 

    Post # 124
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    silkspectre94:  peachacid:  nestle:  

    here is the thing; I don’t think an opinion based on misinformation is valid. I think it is very sad that Nestle doesn’t see that her botched-circumcision example as proof that what is physically on the outside (physical sex) does not necessarily match gender. “You have no penis, therefore you cannot be a boy” is a very damaging message.  “You have no penis, but you get to tell us who you are as a person” is much better. That person can be super girly girl and that is okay. That person can be hyper masculine and that’s okay. That person can be neither or both at once. That is okay. Trust me, kids know from a very young age what they gravitate towards. The trick (I think) as a parent or adult who interacts with kids is to not stifle that by being uncomfortable when a “boy” wants to dress in a tutu and then run around playing basketball.

    Please don’t spin this as an intellectual argument that does not affect anyone. It affects me; my partner is trans. Transgender is a huge umbrella term that covers a heck of a lot of variation. When I see “opinions” that boil down to completely dismissing the existence of people like the one I love, it feels incredibly frustrating and dehumanizing towards our experience. Honestly, it is a gift and a privilege to not have others question or disbelieve your inner self because your insides and your outsides perfectly line up. That’s called being “cisgender.” When it doesn’t happen it doesn’t mean that person is bad, wrong or implausible. 

     

    Nestle, I don’t believe that your opinion makes you a bad person, but I DO believe you are misinformed about the complicated topic of gender vs. sex. People who have both male and female genitalia are “intersex.” Many varieties of being intersex are not easily apparent. If you have both a penis and a uterus, how can you tell with a visual inspection? Male testes descend well after birth – so what if they don’t because they happened to develop as ovaries? The inner labia are the same tissue structure as a scrotum – so if the labia fuse in utero they completely mask the vagina. All these would be times where the physical sex appears one way (male) but is actually either both or more female. The best way to deal with that (studies have shown) is to let the child lean one way or the other naturally, and be upfront with how they are special.

    Besides that, a person can understand (from a very young age) that there is a male and a female gender… And that everyone else has a decided opinion on what gender they are that isn’t what they know they are.  Kids in rigid households learn very early on to hide their gender exploration or gender variance… And it makes it VERY difficult for them to open up about their big, traumatic secrets later in life. Also… The longer they hide secrets from their families and friends, the harder it is for those family members and friends to accept it.

     

    How would you feel if your father retired, then told you and your family that now he doesnt have to face discrimination in the workplace anymore he will be exploring his female side, and dressing as a woman? What if that were your husband? How would it be different if you knew right from the get-go that your dad sometimes was another mom and your new ‘boyfriend’ was very happy to take you out shopping because ‘he’ could browse alongside you?

     

    one more thing I want to point out that I don’t believe the public at large is totally aware of: there is a big difference between transgender (being between genders) and being transsexual. Transsexual people are the ones who know their body is WRONG and they need to take steps (hormone therapy all the way out to gender reassignment surgery and facial reconstruction) to deal with making things match.  Not all transgendered people need to make the outsides match the insides. For some that do need to make the two match, sometimes clothing is enough.

     

    regardless of how you raise your kid, they are going to be them, I think the big trick is lovin them for exactly who they are and letting them know it is okay to be them.

    Post # 125
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    babeba:  Exactly.  

    Post # 126
    Member
    2016 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would not raise my daughter gender neutral but she has always been a tom boy. Shes 15 months and very much into cars, dirt, kicking balls and definately prefers jeans and a shirt over dresses and skirts.

    Her favourite colour however is pink currently which surprised me and for the first year of her life she had practically no pink belongings what so ever, until she showed an interest in all things pink. I didnt deny her pink, i just dont like pink all that much and bought her clothes I liked. She has lots of clothing from the boys section too. Just because its blue doesnt mean girls cant wear it. 

    As she grows older I look forward to watching her likes and dislikes develop. We have signed her uo for little kickers which is a football (soccer) training class from the age of 18 months and I will probably take her to dance class when shes 3 too. 

     

     

     

    Post # 128
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    capitalbee:  you’re welcome.

     

    I read a few more posts on this thread… And I don’t know that a few people realize how early experiences can affect kids.  My SO knew as far back as he can remember (four or so?) that he very decidedly liked how girls got to dress, and also that it wasn’t for him even though he wanted to wear pretty things and sit like a lady.

    Post # 129
    Member
    1312 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    babeba: You posted what I wanted to post but with much more power as you are closer to this than I am. Thank you for bringing the real world into this hypothetical conversation. It’s important that people understand that whatever their values there is no guarantee that only other people will have trans* kids and that pushing herteronomitive cisgender on their children could cause harm well before they know their child’s gender.

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