(Closed) would you redesign a family ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Oh wow that is very busy. I would be honest bee, say that you love the sentiment of the family ring, but that you would prefer to use the stones and gold to create something more dainty/modern/practical that reflects you and your relationship. 

Post # 3
Member
7973 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

No. If it truly a family ring I wouldn’t destroy it to cannibalize it’s parts. What I would do is tell him how honored you are he chose to propose with a family ring, but that you would like to be able to help choose the ring you will wear forever. The family ring is a very specific style that wouldn’t appeal to most people, so I’d tell him you want to wear it on special occasions but not every day. You deserve a ring that symbolizes your own relationship, not someone else’s. 

Post # 4
Member
3115 posts
Sugar bee

That looks like it would snag on things and possibly scratch you/other people.  If you think he/his family might not be open to redesigning it, maye slowly start mentioning it snagged your favorite sweater, keeps catching on your hair, accidentally scratched someone, ruined a silk scarf in a store, etc.  then suggest redesigning it by using the stones and metal to make a new, more practical ring?  Something bezel/lower set, etc. 

did you have any discussions before he proposed about rings, your style, etc?  Or did he spring this on you? 

Post # 5
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

I guess it depends on the context of the ring and how offended the family would be about you having it re-made.

 

My engagement ring was made from my FI’s grandmother’s rings. While her rings were lovely they were not my style. The family was happy that the ring was being repurposed and love that the diamonds/gold have turned into my gorgeous engagement ring. Nobody was offended, they are all happy for us and happy that the diamonds/gold have a new home

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’ll redesign mine one day, but not soon. I’d like to put all the diamonds in a thin chevron band eventually, but on my wedding day I’m wearing it as a RHR and that’s where it’ll be worn until I can get it changed. Its going to be my something old on my wedding day. 

Post # 7
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

How long have you had it, what were the circumstances of getting it as your engagement ring, is the original owner alive? There are a lot of factors, but unless someone has specifically expressed that they’d be sad to see it changed, it’s worth raising the question at least.

I redesigned a family ring. When I learned that he had a family ring (before I knew what it looked like) I asked my guy whether it would be OK if I wanted to reset it. His mom (the original owner) had passed on, and he had no problem with it, so it was fine. 

Some people do put conditions on a ring when they pass it down, so if it’d cause some family drama to change it, you may want to pick a new ring of your own (or ask him to do so). 

Post # 8
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It looks uncomfortable, and like it would snag on just about everything. Maybe re-use the gold and diamonds and put it in to something more you and easier to wear? 

Post # 9
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I’m a very sentimental person and I would never redesign a family ring. I would be very honoured to be given a family ring I would wear it proudly. It’s not that important if it’s my style or not, it’s the thought that I was welcomed into the family that has a lot of meaning

Post # 10
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
robjohns :  I’m assuming this is an heirloom on your FI’s side. In which case, I would tell him that you would like something more your style and more desirable for everyday wear. Aka. I want my own ring.

Post # 12
Member
1687 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

Ok I get heirlooms, but I can see why this one isn’t your style.  I don’t have a lot of good suggestions, but you shouldn’t have to wear a ring you don’t like.   It should be “you” 🙂

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