(Closed) Would you regret it?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

I sort of paid for my ring. We share all our money, so we both paid. I don’t regret it at all. Once you’re married all your money gets combined anyways, so I don’t see the big deal in helping him pay for things beforehand.

My Fiance didn’t have the whole “less of a man” complex about the whole thing though. He was totally fine with me chipping in.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

both hubby and i paid for my ering together, i never thought for it to be done differently to be honest – we are partners so i thought it was unfair to expect him to be burden with 100% of the cost

goodluck

Post # 5
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In the end it becomes both of your money anyways. If I needed to I would have helped out and I would have been fine with it. It just depends on the big picture. Is it more important that he pays for the ring himself or that you get your proposal sometime soon?

Post # 6
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

We have a joint account, so it’s moot I guess. He’s definitely the breadwinner though.

Post # 7
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@PrettySedity:

If he said you won’t be waiting more than 4-6 months I would trust that.  He probably has a plan.  I know I freaked out right before my fiance proposed to me.  I thought there is no way in hell that he could afford a ring because his financial situation was similar to your SO’s.  I actually sat him down and told him that if he had access to any family heirlooms I would be happy with that because it would be meaningful – even if it wasn’t your typical engagement ring – and then we could always upgrade later.  He lied and said he didn’t and he was saving and that he was hoping to propose in January.  Turns out, he really did have a diamond from his grandmother all along and he paid to have it set in the exact setting I wanted.  He literally had been planning on proposing on December 12th all along which is a special day for me (my freak out was December 8th) so he was trying to throw me off when he said he couldn’t propose until January.  4 days later I was engaged (as he had planned all along) but in retrospect I kind of wish I would have kept my mouth shut and let it just happen.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t offer to help pay for my ring… To me, the ring is a gift.  I don’t pay for any other gifts that he gets me– b-day, Xmas, V-Day, etc.. so I didn’t expect to pay for my ring either.  But, that being said, i don’t think there’s really anything wrong with it.. just wasnt my thing.  I prob would feel different if our finances were combined.

Post # 9
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t have a roblem helping him pay for it, but he’s the type of man who wouldn’t NOT accept money to pay for something he’s giving to me,etc.etc. Yeah, he’s a man’s man.LOL

Try to be calm and wait. He said in a few months, so try to be calm and patient. My SO lost his good job and had to take on a lower paying one, so I’m not at all asking about being engaged because I know how he wants to do things, even if it’s unnecessary to me.

I hate the word girlfriend too. >.<

Post # 12
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a similar story. I was sooo impatient. We knew we would get married, so really, why wait? Well, it was super important to him that we were financially stable before being engaged. I understood that, but that didn’t make waiting easier. At 3 and a half years, we kept setting “goals” like your 4-6 months, and they kept getting pushed back. I never thought about leaving him because of it, it was just so stressful for us. We had been going ring shopping for almost two years. I really wanted it before we moved out of state together, so that was one goal… but it didn’t happen. Finally, it was just a few months shy of our 5 year anniversary, and for my birthday he took me shopping to pick out my ring… but he still waited to propose. That wait was agonizing and really, made me angry! Finally, right before halloween, he proposed– it was a botched proposal, but super sweet anyway. I got my ring, and we’re all happy now.

On paying for it… so, I’m the breadwinner, we live together and have a shared account. He saved before we had the joint account and was able to pay for half of it, and we paid for the other half. He had a problem with it at the beginning, but really, does it matter? You’re sharing your life together… so what if you share the cost of your engagement ring?

Also, I totally understand about the family reunion. I HATED being called “girlfriend.” How would you feel if he proposed and got your ring when he could afford it? I was initially totally against this (why the proposal took so long), but I realized that all that mattered what that he asked and I said yes. The ring will come, but it’s about money… and the proposal should be about love, I think. –That’s not meant to be snarky, we all want the ring! Just, in retrospect, the proposal alone would have made me just as happy. Especially once I realized he really wanted to propose (and would have without the ring), but I made such a big deal about the ring, he felt bad. Now I’m rambling, but I hope this helps!

Post # 13
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I bought my ring with my tax money.  If I had waited until he saved “his money” (we have a joint account) I might still be waiting for my ring.  I don’t even think about it when I show people my ring.  I figure since our account is joint who’s to really say who’s money it was lol.

Post # 14
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

hubs paid for my ering, but I paid for my wedding band, and I will also pay for my real band (couldn’t afford what I really wanted before the wedding, so once I save up, I will get what I really want). Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. Like PPs have said, its all the same money once you get married anyway

Post # 15
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

@PrettySedity: OMG i felt the same way when i went to my bfs cousins wedding! like, “oh great. i get to be inroduced as the gf and everybody will be thinking ‘wonder if we’ll ever see her again??'” well we went to the wedding and everyone was like “_____ has a gf?!” even worse, right? ugh oif he had just proposed already the fam would have taken me much more seriously

Post # 16
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsFoxxy: I agree with Ms. Foxxy, our finances are not combined at this time….but one thing I knew that I did not want to do was pay for my ering. Not that I find anything wrong with anyone who does….. just speaking for myself. I think it all depends on the indiviudal person. If you do not have a problem with it, and he agrees,  then I say go for it 🙂 ….

Good luck…. he just might have something up his sleeve 🙂

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