- 5 years ago
sorry, this may get a bit long, but it is something that has been bothering my SO and I for a while.
SO and I have been hanging out with a couple for almost two years. We have grown close to them as a couple, but especially with the guy as the girl is currently going to school out of town.
a few weeks ago, the guy came to my SO to talk, and I saw he was outside before he knocked on the door. When I opened it, it was clear he was trying to clean himself up from crying. He told SO that he found messages between his girlfriend and one of her best friends (male) of over ten years. This guy friend of hers also goes to school with her, so they spend a lot of time together. Basically, the guy was admitting to being in love with our female friend. He also added that he has suicidal thoughts a bit later in the messages.
Our friends have been together, quite happily according to both of them, for almost five years. Apparently our female friend had a crush on this other guy before, but sort of moved on when she started dating her boyfriend. After our guy friend found the messages, he told her he didn’t feel comfortable with her hanging out alone with the guy anymore. She was extremely upset about it, and said she couldn’t cut ties with her best friend.
He basically gave her an ultimatum of either him or the Friend. She keeps going to the friends house with the intentions of cutting things off, but then comes home and says she couldn’t do it. Currently, she is taking a week off from the friend to think things through, and then she plans to take a week off from her boyfriend the week after. Her boyfriend is absolutely sick over this, and I’m not sure if he can handle another two weeks of her back and forth, but he only wants to be as supportive as possible. He also doesn’t feel that he can even really talk to her about it because he is obviously biased in the situation.
I am absolutely never someone to involve myself in a situation like this, but I keep feeling like I need to talk to her alone about what’s going on. My SO and I went through a similar situation, but we obviously worked through it. Although I would love if they remained together since we are such good friends, we ultimately want them both to be happy, and I don’t think stretching things out will help that. I think she thinks that the longer this takes it will all suddenly go away. I’m sure her admitting that he loves her also brings up a lot of old feelings. Additionally, I’m worried about the control and manipulation factor if she were to decide to date this other guy since he brought up being suicidal right after confessing his love, and she goes over with every intention of breaking things off, but comes back unable to do so.
I am worried about the both of them, and I’m just wondering if I should say something to her or not? If so, how would I go about saying something?