(Closed) Would you say something?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I say something?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 16
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

    I agree with other bees. Butt out. 

     

    Also – my Fiance has a very good friend who has been open about having feelings for him. I have never said he couldn’t or shouldn’t hang out with her. Because we are adults, I trust him, and I don’t control his life. We’ve discussed him being open with her and not leading her on, because he asked for my advice on it. If your approach is to say “him or me!” you’re controlling. And have watched too many bad movies. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    1979 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Please stay out of it.  But i understand why the SO is upset with his girlfriend.  I would be very vocal and uncomfortable if my Fiance was hanging out with a female friend who has feelings for him.  But this is no business of yours.  Just be supportive and a good listener if they speak to you.  Honestly the SO deserves a better relationship that that.  He deserves a loyal girlfrIend. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    The only way it would be your place to say something would be if you and her were really close freinds. Would she even be open to talking to you? It sounds like its their issue to sort out, TBH, and I would vote to stay out of it. You could try texting her and saying “is everything ok? im here if you want to talk.” and leave it up to her to decide whether she wants to hear your 2 cents. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I agree with everyone who says you can tell her you are there for her if she needs to talk. But only if you plan to be an unbiased shoulder to lean on and support her as a friend while going through a difficult time. Not to tell her that she needs to “speed up the process” in choosing between this ultimatum her boyfriend has presented her. I too wouldn’t feel comfortable with my SO spending hours of alone time with someone who confesses her love to him but I trust him enough to know he will set the appropriate boundaries. The SO should never have put her in this situation and whether you agree with her actions or not, it is in NO WAY your right to tell her how to deal with this.

    Be there to listen and offer support but do not dictate how she handle her relationship. If you can’t do that STAY OUT OF IT.

    ETA: I think you should be more worried about the control and manipulation of her SO, not her friend. How presumptious of you to assume this friend is trying to manipulate her by confessing he’s suicidal. You don’t know his situation or their friendship dynamics. If you dare try to “warn” her about this “manipulative” friend she’s got because he’s suicidal and only using that to get her to date him?? You’ll be outta that friend circle too. At least if it were me.

    As someone who had a male best friend confess his love for me while also being suicidal, I can assure you his depression was not a tool for control and manipulation. My Fiance knew his feelings for me, he knew his depression, and he knew I would never walk away from that friend. He let me hang out with him as often as I pleased and I set appropriate boundaries with him. You know how that friendship is today? Gone. Because he did kill himself. I would change a lot of things I did in that friendship but one thing I would never have done is turn my back on him. And if my BF told me “It’s me or him” you bet your ass I’d choose my friend because how dare my BF demand I abandon my best friend? And if some chick who’s dating one of my BF’s friend’s had the audacity to tell me how to handle my best friend and insinuate that he’s controlling and manipulative, I’d be highly insulted.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by SoonAsYouCan.

    The topic ‘Would you say something?’ is closed to new replies.

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