Post # 1
I had my baby in March and she’s now 4 months old. When she was 4 weeks old, my MIL passed away. My FIL is now widowed and lives literally probably .25 mi away. This never bothered me before. My FIL is great. However, I’ve noticed recently that DH and I almost never do things alone anymore… FIL is invited to pretty much everything. It’s fine right now I guess, and I don’t want to be mean, but I’m kind of worried about family time as my daughter gets older. Isn’t it important for it to be just our family? Or does it all depend on your frame of reference? I kind of want to bring this up to DH but I also feel like it might be insensitive. Thoughts?
Post # 3
It may be a prob later down the line but four months isnt long at all when it comes to the grieving process… especially when youre adjusting to living alone and not having your spouse with you. I’m sure there will be a point when your FIL becomes more comfortabl being alone, or when your DH recognizes that there’s a bit of a problem. I would def give it more time before saying anything about it IMO.
Post # 4
Give it some time. I am sure that if your DH died, you would appreciate family members making a special point of including you.
I honestly doubt that with a 4 month old baby, you and DH would be doing many activities that would be negatively affected by the presence of your FIL.
Post # 5
I would give it some time too. After my FMIL died, FI & I spent a LOT of time with his dad. I also felt like we didn’t get too much time for ourselves. But his son was all he had and he really held onto him tight during that time. The first 6 months was extremely hard for him. He joined a support group for losing a spouse and got a lot better. I think he just needs some time to grieve. I’m sure being around you guys is helping him a lot & it’s important for him to not feel alone during this time.
Post # 6
I can understand what you are saying, you want some time alone with your new family. It sounds like there has been a lot of changes in the past few months. I don’t think it would hurt to talk to your DH about it. You could still do things with your FIL but maybe have a day or two a week where its just activities for you, hubby and baby?
Post # 7
I agree with what everyone else has said before me. Give it time.
Post # 8
If your DH invites him, I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t want him to be lonely. His wife has only been gone 4 months. Four months is NOT a long time at all. He’s lost his wife, so of course he wants to be near his son and grandbaby. They are a part of his wife.
Just give him time. When it gets to the year point or more, then something can be said to him. Four months isn’t near enough time to go through grieving.
Post # 9
Give it some time. Your FIL is still grieving and at four months out, it is still probably very important and beneficial for him to be around family and to be out of the house and involved in activities.
Post # 10
You don’t want your FIL to be super dependent on your family and feel he HAS to be around all the time. I have seen that happen before from a couple who were just trying to be nice, but it handicapped the mourning person and they took longer to get A Grip because they were relying on the other family members so much…so, be careful.
Also tell your husband in a loving way not when you are a bit upset. Tell him I want to do ____Whatever and just us, you, me, and the baby. And maybe he wil catch your drift.