(Closed) Would you secretly replace your diamond?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
crzyorchid:  in the grand scheme of things the ring itself isn’t really that important. Is it bugging you more that you know he could have saved harder to get you a better ring? Sounds like when you look at it it reminds you of that fact. I can sense a bit if resentment there which I don’t think will change if you buy your own diamond In fact it will prob make you more resentful. How about budget into the wedding planning a nice wedding ring and possible upgrade. Tell him that you do love the design but for longer lasting etc that maybe you should get that $2,000 ring and you may as well get it the same time as the wedding ring to make sure it matches etc. technic ally you will end up paying for half of it anyway if you are splitting the wedding costs but it might be a less blunt way to approach it.

Post # 32
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
crzyorchid:  I just read your last post lol you kinda just said exactly what I had suggested anyway 

Post # 34
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
crzyorchid:  if it makes you feel any better I’m the Spender in our relationship. My bf had to actually sit me down one day and spell out to me that I was throwing away my money on stupid things and to think of the bigger picture. when I added up what I had earned the previous year and what I had to show for it I was shocked and I’m 31 and have been living independently long before fi came along. I opened a savings account where I have to give 2 weeks written notice to withdraw cash. i’m not a natural saver either but I felt bad when my Fiance was getting frustrated with me. It did take a good 18 months for me to finally buck it up and get saving properly! Maybe have a good honest chat and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feeling making such a big commitment to someone who can’t put away a few dollars every week.

Post # 35
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Would definitely not do it without his knowledge. What if he ever found out?  And i think I’d feel guilty knowing the first symbol of our marriage was based off a lie. I guess I’d try to wait a few years and get an anniversary upgrade when he more financially stable. I do understand the slight disappointment though 🙁

Also, in reading you update just above me, it sounds like the resentment is in his overall financial outlook. I think you both really need to figure that out/get on the same page before you get married. That’s something that could easily cause long term problems. My husband and I often talk about how we couldn’t imagine marrying someone who doesn’t share our financial goals and ideals. 

Post # 36
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

100% agree with redwine. The financial stuff is a conversation you need to have. It isn’t going to get better because you get married, and it sounds like you already have a lot of justifiable issues with it.

As far as the ring goes, replace if if you want, but I’d tell him. I think he will be hurt, though I also don’t think you should have to wear a ring you dislike so much without alteration for the rest of your life and you seem very reasonable and willing to contribute. You also have a really great opportunity to make wedding ring shopping special. You could tell him how important it is to have a ring of quality that will last, and ask if you two can save up together to buy your wedding bands. It might be a nice way to get him to think about budgeting. Goodluck, and I hope you find happiness with your ring whichever way you go with it!

Post # 37
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It sounds like you have more important things to figure out with him than the ring.. 

You being upset about the ring could change if the other things are fixed first.

I would highly suggest sitting down with a financial advisor.. And talking about the problems.

The topic ‘Would you secretly replace your diamond?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors