Post # 1
Five months ago, my sister ran off with her boyfriend and got married in a courthouse in Alabama without telling any of us and then moved in with her mother-in-law’s single wide trailer. She has had barely any contact with my family since that time. Her husband is very controlling and we aren’t sure if the lack of contact is her decision or his. We were a VERY close family before all this, talking several times a day.
Needless to say, her disappearance has been devastating for all of us. Her husband has started responding to messages I send on Facebook. But still no contact with my sister. She is supposed to be my maid (now matron) of honor in August. But her husband said to "not count on her being there" and stated that she "doesn’t go anywhere without him". He is invited too, but he says he is now active military so he can’t come.
Obviously none of her family was invited to the wedding, or even told it was happening. But they have now created a wedding registry. My question is…should I send a gift? I want to, so my sister will know that she is loved. But at the same time, she is trying to shut us out of her life. Would she even want a gift? I don’t think there is any obligation to send a gift since we didn’t even know about the wedding (and it happened five months ago). What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel
That’s tough – sorry to hear about the drama that this is causing your family, and I hope everything works out for the best for your sister. I would see no harm in sending her a gift. In the best situation, she would know that you love her and care about her; otherwise, it at least is something she wants from her registry. Good luck!
Post # 4
I would get her something. At least let her know you’re there for her and love her.
Not to put a dark side to this story, but have you thought about abuse? My ex was abusive and when I finally went and got some help, I heard other women talk about how their husbands isolated them from their family and friends. This way the abuse didn’t get out and it was private. On the other hand, maybe she’s embarrassed or for whatever shutting you guys out for her own reasons, but I would just explore the abusive side just to make sure. Sorry.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you are going through this. That’s so sad! Something definitely seems amiss here… especially if you were all very close before he came into the picture. Her husband sounds so controlling, perhaps she does want contact with you, but he won’t allow it? Is she really TRYING to shut you out of her life or is she really just torn between her new husbands & her family?
I would send her a gift, afterall she is still your sister. I think it may be a nice way to remind her you love her & miss her.
Post # 6
I’ was sorry to read your post; it sounds like you love your sister very much. I too would be concerned about abuse in this situation, especially since, from your post, it sounds like this is unusual behavior from your sister. As IASnoflake said, the first step for an abuser is to isolate the individual from anybody she knew before him – family and friends in particular. I truly hope this isn’t the case here. Can you think of any other explanation for why things happened the way they did? Did your family not like her then-boyfriend/now-husband and perhaps this is why she ran off the way she did? I think it’s important to find out why she did what she did, if you can.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry to hear about this situation! Unless your sister has had some MAJOR problems with your family, I would suspect the relationship with her new husband as well. Any time a man says his wife doesn’t go ANYWHERE without him, be concerned. I would extend the olive branch so she knows you’re out there and send a gift you know will be special to her (not expensive, just personally significant) with a nice card. Let her know she has someone she can reach out to, whether there are problems there now or not.