Post # 1
So, we have just gotten our thank you cards out. These were photo cards from our photographer, so we had to wait months for them and just got them last month. We had one no-show who never sent their gift. We had one guest who just showed up with a guest, my husband’s co-worker, who came and gave nothing, AFTER telling my husband he “forgot” and would bring it into work the next day. Sorry, but to me that takes some BALLS and I will not send him a thank you card from us.
I also had 2 relatives on my side who drove from a different state to come to our wedding and gave a card with nothing in it. I found out AFTER the wedding that my grandpa who paid for half of the wedding told them, and without telling me and my husband beforehand who also paid for the wedding, that they could come with no gift. They stayed over at his house too, got taken out the next day for dinner so they got like a weekend get away for free. Again, the type of person I am I would never attend any event without giving a dime and even if someone told me to come empty handed, I would still put at least something in the card or not attend at all.
My bridesmaid, who I’ve known since I was a kid, she did pretty much zilch during the planning process. Since the wedding, we briefly talk every couple of months. She paid for her dress, which I kept the cost down for, her hair/makeup which was optional and as a gift I got her a coach item which alot of people told me was more then generous to get her being how she was. She also had many affairs at the hall I had my wedding at, had no problem asking me how much per plate my recpetion was, she probably knew anyway, and ended up giving me a gift card for a back massage as a gift, which I found really odd. I don’t go for massages, but she does, so it was like she just gave me somethinng she knew I would never use and that she liked. I also found out, we checked the amount that was on the card, that the amount was for like 70 dollars..and she bought it with a gift card. I found this to be tacky and wierd for a supposed close friend. We received money from all our other guests, that’s what common in our ares. She brags about eveything so it’s not that she didn’t have at least the money for cover he own plate. If I went to a close friends wedding, you would bet I would give a more than generous gift and not a gift card I bought with a gift card.
As of now, I’ve mailed out the thank yous, but did not send a thank you to my relative or her. I am kind of up in the air about these two though. Then again, honsetly, I wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t receive a thank you card. I know some of you may disagree with me but what would most of you do in this situation?
Post # 3
I think that you should send a thank you card for any gift you receive whether you wanted that gift or not. A lot of people didn’t give gifts at our engagement party (we weren’t expecting everyone to), but we chose to send a thank you to every person for their attendance.
Post # 4
If you will be seeing this relative around the holidays I would send them one and also the friend since she did get you a gift even if it was odd.
Post # 5
You don’t have to send a thank-you note to someone who did not give a gift. You really do need to send one to your bridesmaid, though. She did get you a gift! Just because it was a gift you did not like and that you did not think is generous enough is no reason not to send a card. That would make you the rude one.
Post # 6
The relative I spoke about is a distant relative I see literally once every 8 years or so with no contact in between. I know for sure I won’t be seeing them any time soon.
Post # 7
I don’t think people should expect gifts from guests to “cover their plates.” Instead, send them ALL thank yous for sharing in your special day, enjoy your massage (no matter how it was purchased), and move on.
After all, financial situations are sticky, sticky topics…you don’t always know how much people even have to give. The most important thing is they were there to celebrate with you, not how much money you make or all the stuff you get by having a wedding. Right?
Post # 8
Are you saying you only had a couple of guests attend without giving a gift? That’s actually doing quite well, many brides note that they had a surprising number of guests attend without a gift these days. It’s a bit controversial whether it’s appropriate to give a thank-you note for guests who attend but don’t give a gift, but one argument is that it’s actually more polite to refrain from sending them a thank-you note, because doing so could be perceived as fishing for a gift.
As for the bridesmaid who gave you a gift card, you should send a thank-you note. A gift is a gift, regardless of extraneous issues.
Post # 9
I am sending out Thank You cards to everyone who either attended my wedding (regardless of whether they gave a gift or card) or sent a card/gift. To *me* that’s the proper way to do it, but then my wedding was about sharing the day with others and not who gave what…. 🙂
Post # 10
your guests are not obligated to give you a gift or money. stop acting so entitled. send them a thank you saying thank you for coming and sharing in our day.
Post # 11
Send a thank you note to your bridesmaid – she did give you a gift. A gift does not have to equal a threshold amount to warrent a thank you note. Your relatives who came and did not give you a gift, I wouldn’t send them a thank you note.
ETA: Really though, would it kill you to write a thank you note to the relaitves who traveled far to come to your wedding? On second though, if I were in your position, I think I would send them thank you notes also. It just doesn’t sit right with me not to.
Post # 12
Not feeling entitled, just maybe the way I was brought up, which was not to attend events empty handed, especially for family. And yes, you came to my wedding, you were not forced to, ate, drank at an open bar..yes it would be nice to get maybe even a card? Again, you don’t have to agree with me but to ME it’s not in proper etiquette to show up empty handed to a wedding and I would and a lot of other people would never think to do that. And you are right, On second thought, my relatives did drive 2 hours to the event so it wouldn’t kill me to write them a thank you card and bm.
Post # 13
Yes. You should send a thank-you card. Stop putting so much of your energy into silly things that make no matter. I don’t really know why you chose this friend you think so poorly of to be in your wedding party. Maybe she thought that since SHE enjoys massages, you might, too. Especially after something stressful like a wedding.
Post # 14
You don’t have to send a Thank You card to your relatives, but you have to send one to your Bridesmaid or Best Man. YOu can even take a hidden jab at the present she gave you, like “oh, how unique and personal, I know how much YOU love massages” or something like that.
Post # 15
@FinallyMarried, I was raised the same way you were- to never go to a wedding empty-handed, to cover my plate, etc.
However, I still think you should send a thank you card to every person who attended your wedding, regardless if they gave you a gift or not. Otherwise you are no different. DH and I had a handful of people not give us gifts, two of them were a couple that he is good friends with- whom we have given many generous gifts over the past several years, including their wedding. They didn’t even give us a CARD. Did it hurt me that they would come to our wedding and not even give us a card? Yes! However, I still sent them a thank you card. Just because they have no sense of etiquette, doesn’t mean I have to behave the same way.
Post # 16
I don’t think you are being entitled, for what it’s worth I also think it is beyond
rude to show up to any affair empty handed. And to be honest, as a hostess, one need not thank someone for attending their event. But…I would (probably) anyway.
Edit: Monkeygirl – you just said that a lot nicer and more eloquently than I did, but those are my sentiments exactly.
FM82 – I think my first post sounded much harsher than I intended it…I am sorry about that.