(Closed) Would you send these guests Thank You cards?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that you should send a thank you card for any gift you receive whether you wanted that gift or not.  A lot of people didn’t give gifts at our engagement party (we weren’t expecting everyone to), but we chose to send a thank you to every person for their attendance.

Post # 4
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If you will be seeing this relative around the holidays I would send them one and also the friend since she did get you a gift even if it was odd.

Post # 5
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You don’t have to send a thank-you note to someone who did not give a gift. You really do need to send one to your bridesmaid, though. She did get you a gift! Just because it was a gift you did not like and that you did not think is generous enough is no reason not to send a card. That would make you the rude one.

Post # 7
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think people should expect gifts from guests to “cover their plates.” Instead, send them ALL thank yous for sharing in your special day, enjoy your massage (no matter how it was purchased), and move on.

After all, financial situations are sticky, sticky topics…you don’t always know how much people even have to give. The most important thing is they were there to celebrate with you, not how much money you make or all the stuff you get by having a wedding. Right?

Post # 8
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Are you saying you only had a couple of guests attend without giving a gift? That’s actually doing quite well, many brides note that they had a surprising number of guests attend without a gift these days. It’s a bit controversial whether it’s appropriate to give a thank-you note for guests who attend but don’t give a gift, but one argument is that it’s actually more polite to refrain from sending them a thank-you note, because doing so could be perceived as fishing for a gift.

As for the bridesmaid who gave you a gift card, you should send a thank-you note. A gift is a gift, regardless of extraneous issues.

Post # 9
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sending out Thank You cards to everyone who either attended my wedding (regardless of whether they gave a gift or card) or sent a card/gift.  To *me* that’s the proper way to do it, but then my wedding was about sharing the day with others and not who gave what….  🙂

Post # 10
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

your guests are not obligated to give you a gift or money. stop acting so entitled. send them a thank you saying thank you for coming and sharing in our day.

Post # 11
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Send a thank you note to your bridesmaid – she did give you a gift.  A gift does not have to equal a threshold amount to warrent a thank you note.  Your relatives who came and did not give you a gift, I wouldn’t send them a thank you note. 

ETA: Really though, would it kill you to write a thank you note to the relaitves who traveled far to come to your wedding? On second though, if I were in your position, I think I would send them thank you notes also.  It just doesn’t sit right with me not to.

Post # 13
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yes.  You should send a thank-you card.  Stop putting so much of your energy into silly things that make no matter.  I don’t really know why you chose this friend you think so poorly of to be in your wedding party.  Maybe she thought that since SHE enjoys massages, you might, too.  Especially after something stressful like a wedding. 

Post # 14
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You don’t have to send a Thank You card to your relatives, but you have to send one to your Bridesmaid or Best Man. YOu can even take a hidden jab at the present she gave you, like “oh, how unique and personal, I know how much YOU love massages” or something like that.

Post # 15
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@FinallyMarried, I was raised the same way you were- to never go to a wedding empty-handed, to cover my plate, etc.

However, I still think you should send a thank you card to every person who attended your wedding, regardless if they gave you a gift or not. Otherwise you are no different. DH and I had a handful of people not give us gifts, two of them were a couple that he is good friends with- whom we have given many generous gifts over the past several years, including their wedding. They didn’t even give us a CARD. Did it hurt me that they would come to our wedding and not even give us a card? Yes! However, I still sent them a thank you card. Just because they have no sense of etiquette, doesn’t mean I have to behave the same way.

Post # 16
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

View original reply
@FinallyMarried82: I don’t think you are being entitled, for what it’s worth I also think it is beyond rude to show up to any affair empty handed.  And to be honest, as a hostess, one need not thank someone for attending their event. But…I would (probably) anyway. 

Edit: Monkeygirl – you just said that a lot nicer and more eloquently than I did, but those are my sentiments exactly. 

FM82 – I think my first post sounded much harsher than I intended it…I am sorry about that.

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