(Closed) Would you sign a prenup?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: Would you sign a pre-nup if it were given to you before the wedding with no discussion whatsoever?
    HELL NO! I'd walk away! : (132 votes)
    49 %
    Yes! I would do anything to marry the man I love! : (94 votes)
    35 %
    other-explain below : (44 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 137
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @Loribeth:

    Interesting way to put it.  Yeah…when I was young I figured out that hate could really be love plus hurt.  The way to tell if you were truly over someone was if you felt absolutely nothing.  If you “hated” them then meybe you still cared…lol

    I will say this…if the indifference was the type of indifferece you describe where you could take or leave, I would take…especially if the other person was still interested in the marriage.  That’s the concept of no divorce.  It can’t always be about current passion.  I think it would have to be something other than indifference…like irreparable loss of respect.

    I also don’t like it when one surprises with divorce.  There should at least be a warning statement and period like “I don’t think this marriage is working.”  Then the other person can wonder whether a divorce is coming and maybe try to work on the marriage.  Divorce should never be a surprise.  People should probably check in twice a year.  That way you never have more than 6 months of dirt to deal with.  IDK.  Another interesting tangent that will die in effort not to thread-jack. 

    Post # 138
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    A prenup right before the wedding is ridiculous. I wouldn’t sign it.

    But prenups are more than just for divorce. In our case, we discussed how our household finances would be handled as well as current and future debt. We made sure to include things we care about like taking care of my mother and his sister. It also forced us to talk about what our wishes were if the other person should pass away. 

    I’m a med student, so as of now, I have a negative net worth. He has a six figure income, house, car, profitable business. Who suggested the prenup? I did. I wanted to protect him, he only signed because he wanted to protect my future earnings and inheritance from my family.

    People who plan for it rarely need it. It’s all of those times that you don’t have a plan that would land you in trouble.

    If you’re not going to get divorced, then what’s the big deal about signing it? Like others have said, it’s just another piece of paper in that case.

    Post # 139
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    If it was handed to me right before the wedding, I would not sign it. Something like that has to be discussed. 

    Post # 140
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee

    Reading a lot of these comments, one person I saw stated it wouldn’t matter because she is the breadwinner…I don’t think everyone realizes a prenup should be about both parties, both protecting what they bring it and considering what happens with marital property. It also gives both people a chance to look at how they are and who they are with regards to finances and even can lay out other beliefs and ideas for what both want in the marriage. It isn’t just about the money and what happens in divorce, it also covers or can cover expecatations of the marriage.

    All that said, if I were presented one right before the ceremony, it would depend on what it said. I negotiate contracts for a living, so I’d read it over and counter if there was something I didn’t like…of course a guy that waited till the last minute to present one to me, I’d probably cancel the wedding right then because a prenup isn’t something to sign at the very end, it should be considered by both parties. And if one isn’t legal savy, then they should have a lawyer review it and advise them.

    Post # 141
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee

    @Socrates: ‘As far as your guy coming after your assests,  I can’t comment because i think I’ve been too brainwashed by hearing guy’s stories as one poster pointed out.  I wish we had some real statistics on how often a guy actually goes after a woman’s assets and asks for alimony vs how often a woman goes after a man’s assets and asks for alimony.  I have something in my head but it would be better to go with facts because it could be wrong.  In my head, I’m not saying you are safe but I feel you could more safely make that statement than a man.’

    The main thing we hear about with prenups is about a woman marrying a wealthy man, but if a woman were wealthy we SHOULD hear about it, but it often doesn’t happen. Now it might just be we aren’t hearing it OR the woman is of the mindset of many of the women on this board that prenup says divorce and they don’t want to go into the marriage that way, which is actually foolish. Any intelligent woman should see it as a way to set out things and protect both her and her spouse.

    For me, really, I wouldn’t want to take anything out of the marriage that wasn’t actually my right to have, except if the guy were to cheat on me or hit me…I always refer to it as the “cheat and beat” clause, either of those happens and all bets are off and I’d be after everything…

    Post # 142
    Member
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    To answer the original question, if he gave me a pre-nup to sign with no discussion (kinda like Charlotte and Trey in SATC) I would be out. Mostly bc it is a serious communication problem! Hello, that is something to TALK about and if you cannot talk about money before you get married, how in the world can you talk about while you are married? Or eek, while divorcing! No thanks.

    Post # 143
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee

    @Miss Tattoo: Actually there are prenups with sex clauses in them as well. Although they aren’t so much called prenups as basically some type of contract/agreement…it goes over expectations, housework, cooking, bill paying, and yes, expectations of how often sex is going to be had etc…things people don’t necessarily think about or maybe talk about. These things are important and having them laid out in a contract in this day and age, well, it’s not a bad idea.

    I have one friend already divorced and on her second, I don’t think a prenup was discussed, but she does have more going in and maybe it should’ve been. I have another friend that is going to end up divorced sometime soon and it’s really too bad for her that they don’t have one because she has been breadwinner and he has stayed at home (although he’s a babysitter not a stay at home parent considering she comes home and has to cook dinner, do homework with the kids, take them to school, do most of the cleaning and laundry around the house, but I won’t get more into that because it’s a super long story). We live in a state that is all about 50/50 equity and no fault divorce (big reason for it is verbal abuse that is going on, that actually involves the kids to a degree too, which is unacceptable and she needs to get out for their sake). Marriage he gets half her retirement accounts, she has to buy him out of the house (even though she is the breadwinner and she had seed money from a sale of a house that she owned before their marriage that got them into the house they are now in)…and he’s vindictive enough that I could see him going for alimony and child support, although the state isn’t really big on that and she can pretty much show she does equal parenting even with his staying home…but still this is exactly a situation that a prenup would’ve helped.

    Post # 144
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee

    @ktbrady: Ah no, you’re wrong on that one with SATC, he gave it to her right at the engagement and she had the ability to negotiate. It wasn’t dropped on her just before the wedding. And he even told her it was standard for the family and she should have her lawyer look at it! Which is what I would advise anyone. It should be worked out together.

    Post # 145
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @Marathongirl04:

    LOL.  I like that “cheat and beat” caluse and I wouldn’t blame you for going for broke if that happened.

    Well honestly it seems to be a societal thing.  The cases I’ve seen where couples have broken up and the women have more, I haven’t seen the guy go after her money (whether business, percventage of income, alimoney etc).  I’m not saying it couldn’t happen …especially in the vindictive state of divorce but some guys just have too much pride to do it.  Even if they did, I’m not sure if a judge would feel sorry enough for a guy to give him a woman’s money (I don’t know maybe the judge would).

    So I’m biased but I believe some women can be so strong about “no prenups” because “no prenups” favors women.  There is nothing noble about that.  It would be noble if they were for something that goes against their favor.  It is true that a guy is less likely to become dependent on them after the split, try to sink their teeth into their business or future earnings, demand alimony, capture the kids and take further payments from them etc.

    In the right situation, a vindictive male might just go after things (if he can hide it from his friends).  His friends would likely not be impressed with going after something that isn’t his…from a woman.  Flip it and I can’t say the same.

    Post # 146
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @Marathongirl04:

    Oh please.  People may feel sorry for your friend because she is a woman.  If it was a guy who was the “breadwinner” he would get no sympathy.  Honestly splitting the retirement and value in the home is fair.

    Post # 147
    Member
    7371 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    absolutely if it was given with sufficent time for us both to review. To spring it on right before the wedding is not a good look. To continue with the marriage I’d sign a post nup but I won’t be held hostage sign this or no wedding. Then its no wedding

    everyone who is currently divorced said the same thing, “we are forever”. Real life has way of showing you different. I don’t think its negative –its practical. I used to be against them, until I heard suze orman explain and I now agree with her 100%

    http://biz.yahoo.com/pfg/e25prenup/

    The topic ‘Would you sign a prenup?’ is closed to new replies.

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