- 5 years ago
I don’t even know where to start…and sorry in advance for the novel.
TL:DR SO has been acting like a dick, starting fights and being difficult. Communicates with female FB friend, who he obviously given his number to. Shouldn’t have, but snooped at his phone messages to see that she has said she can’t believe she told him he hasn’t had sex for many years. His response didn’t raise alarm bells, but the fact she felt it appropriate to talk with him about it did. Wondering if I should look at his FB messages with her.
The long, drawn out story – I will start with Facebook. SO didn’t have an account, so I set him up with one a few months back. Although I know his password, I never go in there of my own accord. The times I have been in there is because he has asked me to – to upload photos. I do what he asks and I don’t look at anything else. He knows this. He knows I could log in at any time but choose not to. I’ve never had a reason to.
He is friends with a girl from his work who knows he loves dogs, and she will send him cute/funny dogs things as a Facebook message. I know they communicate on there and it hasn’t bothered me. She’s a dog lover too. SO has shown me some of the things she’s sent. He mentioned that she said she was going to ask him and his dog out to the weir to hang out with her and her dog…only SO doesn’t have a dog right now. And neither did she at that point. Our puppy is coming in a week.
She has recently divorced her husband because he was depressed and she was unhappy. She has to go back to her home country in a few months. Her ex got a puppy recently and SO showed me yesterday a picture message she had sent of it – on his phone…he doesn’t have internet access on his mobile, so they have obviously exchanged numbers, which is not cool. I said ‘so is she sending messages to your phone now?’. He said ‘she was at work, so I said just send the picture to my phone’. Still not cool.
For the last 4 days, he has been really cranky, starting fights for no real reason – saying he does more around the house (which is logic given that he works 1/5 the amount of hours I work. I always clean the house when he is at work though. Then he says it’s not about the housework and I should know what the problem is).
I broke all of my own rules this morning and snooped in his phone to see the history of their conversation. The message she had sent a minute before the puppy picture was that she can’t believe she told SO that she hasn’t had sex for years, and don’t share it around. SO wrote back a couple of hours later and said ‘never…cute dog’. These were the only messages in his history with her. I don’t think he is tech savvy enough to know how delete messages (it’s my old phone, and his first experience with a smart phone). This makes my blood boil. I don’t think it’s appropriate for SO to be discussing things like that with a single female, I also don’t think it’s appropriate to give out your phone number to a single girl. What the hell were they talking about that lead to that admission?
I must add – I do message my male MARRIED colleague – like what time his first patient is, how his pregnant wife is (who I’m also friends with). I would never discuss with him, or message anything that I wouldn’t want my SO to know. We don’t talk about sex. There is nothing inappropriate in our history, and if SO looked at our messages, there would be nothing to be misconstrued.
I don’t know if this woman knows about me. I haven’t asked, because I didn’t think it was an issue. We aren’t one of those lovey dovey Facebook couples. I didn’t enter our relationship status when I set it up – I did just the basics. He uses it as a professional page also.
Before I looked at his phone, I asked him last night when he came home in a mood (and a little drunk after having a few after work drinks) if he was cheating. He said ‘are you?’. Uh, I work 9-5, and I come straight home from work. He’s home all of that time – all week. If anyone had opportunity, it would be him. He said his mood has nothing to do with loyalty/cheating etc.
Last week he was happy, this week we have relationship issues but he can’t tell me what they are? WTF?
If he can’t tell me the truth, I can log in to his Facebook and see if there is more to the story with this other woman that may or may not be evident in their FB message history, but I’m really not sure if I should. I feel bad even considering it. I feel bad that I even looked at his phone because that is a betrayal of trust, but at the same time I’m fking angry that he is forming a relationship with another woman who feels comfortable enough to share her lack of sex life with him…
Would you log in to his Facebook and investigate further?