(Closed) Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

    No. I would move on.

    Yes. Marriage isn't that important to us.

    umm... I'm not sure

    Other. i'll explain

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2354 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I answered yes because well … I was the one who didn’t want to get married. He worked hard convincing me (well, making subtle comments like : you would look so beautiful in that dress … one day you will be my wife … I imagine you with a ring on your hand, etc.). He admitted he had never thought about getting married before meeting me. So we simply talked about it and decided we would have one, because we will buy our first house in 2 years, and we WILL have to sign legal papers either way, so we decided a wedding would be more fun than just signing papers, that’s why I changed my mind about it. That’s also why I don’t want to make a big deal about traditions, ”extreme etiquette”, we’re having a wedding that’s not formal and we only want an occasion to be with our loved ones, just like we would on Christmas or Easter : nothing too fancy, nothing too formal, nothing complicated or overdone, just all of us sharing a good moment. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee

    Yes.  One reason is because I have a child and I want to set an example for her.  I don’t ever want her to think she should stay with a man forever who isn’t meeting her needs.  I think marriage is a need for a lot of women and if it is, you shouldn’t settle for less than what you want/deserve, because that leads to resentment.  A man should love you enough to invest in you.  I may be wrong, but I want that 100% committment to feel completely secure.  If you don’t need that, good for you, but I do!

    Post # 19
    Member
    1438 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yes, I never wanted to get married but when he asked, I couldn’t say no because I do love him and want to be with him, I didn’t want him to leave me for saying no.   

    Post # 20
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wouldn’t. I’m patient. I have been with my guy for 8 1/2 years and we were together 7 years before he proposed. My attitude is that if you are with the guy you want to spend your life with already, what’s the rush?

     

    However I want something eventually. I never did a timeline or any of that stuff because I knew it would come, but even though we lived like a married couple, getting married does change things. I want someone who is willing and wanting to make that commitment, even if it takes a while to get there. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    No, marriage was a dealbreaker for me. In fact, I left my ex that I was with for over 4 years because he couldn’t promise to marry me.

    Post # 22
    Member
    5708 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Not if marriage was that important to me. But, then again, I wouldn’t enter into a relationship if we weren’t on the same page with that in the first place. If he’d change his mind in the middle of the relationship it would probably be a deal breaker for me.

    Post # 23
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I would move on, I would feel like I was compromising my personal and religious beliefs. Someone who didn’t want to get married would probably have different goals and values in life than me, so it probably wouldn’t work out anyway.

    Post # 24
    Member
    968 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  It all depends. My grandmother and step-grandfather never married, and they’ve been together for something like 40 years. I believe that if my SO wasn’t as traditional as he is, I wouldn’t even be considering marriage. So I think a lot depends on the people involved and their beliefs.

    Post # 25
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Personally? No. I want to get married, that is important to me. I want our children to know that their parents are married and I want that ultimate commitment. I’m very traditional in some ways and that is one thing I’ve always known that I’ve wanted.

    If someone else is okay with it then I don’t see a problem with it, as long as they aren’t expecting the guy to ever change his mind. I would never suggest a woman try to wait a man out and maybe he’ll give in. If he doesn’t want the same things as you do and he makes it clear that he doesn’t want to get married, then you have to decide on your own how important that is to you and could you live forever without getting married.

    Post # 26
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would. I believe that love is more important than marriage. As long as you’re both on the same page in terms of goals and what you want in life, I don’t see a problem.

    Post # 27
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

     

    My attitude is that if you are with the guy you want to spend your life with already, what’s the rush?

    @MrsFutureG:  exactly how I feel. I was with my Fiance for 10 years before he proposed. We had talked about marriage and both knew that we wanted/planned to get married, but I felt no need to run to the altar in my early 20s. We’ll be getting married this October after being together 12 years! Yes, we had a long engagement too, haha 🙂

    Post # 28
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @adoc86:  High five for a near-date buddy! (Thursday? That’s even weirder than Sunday!) We knew we were going to get married by the 2 year mark when we stopped being an LDR and moved in together. However we were waiting until we could afford to have the wedding we wanted without going broke. It took longer than we expected.

    Post # 29
    Member
    6386 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Yes I would stay because I never really cared about getting married, and I never want kids.

    Post # 30
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee

    Just something to throw out there.  SO, as well as several other men I’ve known (I know this story is all too common), was in a long term relationship previously and he did not want to marry the girl, and never wanted children with her.  At the time, he held the stance that he never wanted to marry or have children again.  A few years after they split he met me, and that all changed within a few months.  He talked about wanting to marry me and have children with me.  He said he thought he would never want these things again because he did not desire them with his ex.  My feeling is if he is the ONE, then eventually he WILL want these things.  Also, my ex husband claims he did not want any of these things and basically did them to “shut me up”.  That did not work out well for me, obviously, and I always felt resented that he could no longer live his lifestyle the way he wanted.  This may not be the case for everyone, again, circumstance matters, but generally I think if he is the one, he will want to marry you eventually!

    Post # 31
    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  I think I would have been fine with a domestic partnership.

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