(Closed) Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

    No. I would move on.

    Yes. Marriage isn't that important to us.

    umm... I'm not sure

    Other. i'll explain

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee

    No, I wouldn’t stay. Not saying it’s true or right but I would think he had issues or he just didn’t want to marry me.

    Post # 33
    Member
    5486 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If my marriage didn’t work out, and I started dating again, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think I’d marry again anyway. But if this was asked to me while dating my DH, no, I wouldn’t have stayed with him. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1346 posts
    Bumble bee

    There is NO way I would stay with a man if he didn’t want to get married.  No way.  Marriage, children, and going through the personal growth and changes required to make a huge vow such as marriage in front of your family & friends is something I want in my life and would never compromise on.  The only time I might reconsider this is if I was retired, in my 60s, a widow, and wanted to just enjoy my life without any hassles, then a companion might be suffice then.

    Post # 35
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MrsFutureG:  I didn’t even notice your date! Haha I know, Thursday is a super weird day, right? We’re having a really small wedding and we couldn’t meet the minimum headcount at our venue to get a Friday, Saturday or even Sunday! Whatever. Non-Saturday weddings are so much cooler 😉

     

    My Fiance and I started dating at 15, so yeah… we werent going to get engaged until at least 5 years in. No regrets. Good luck with your last 2 months of planning!

     

    Post # 36
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Marriage is important to me. I wouldn’t stay with a guy who never wanted to get married. If he did want to get married but he wasn’t ready yet, that’s one thing and I’d wait it out. But if never wanted to get married? I’d move on. Especially now that I am married and I know how wonderful marriage is.

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Our church and then at The Garden Room for the reception

    No. Marriage is too important to me; I’m a traditional girl. I’d feel cheated otherwise.

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee

    Nope. Left my ex after 5 years because he wouldn’t marry me. Although he was for it early in our relationship. will never sacrifice marriage/kids in order to just be in a relationship.

    Post # 39
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee

    Yes- marriage isn’t important to either of us! But if I did want to, I would expect my partner to agree- and if he really wanted to, I would as well.

    Post # 40
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  If he didn’t want to ever get married, I would have to evaluate whether or not I felt we were committed for the long haul and if I would rather be with him and unmarried than be with someone else and married. I guess it would be a question of whether or not *I* wanted to get married that badly, not really about what he does or doesn’t want, because I don’t believe I should have to compromise when it comes to fulfilling my need for commitment (and if my needs are fulfilled without marriage, then that works out great).

    But I’m not in that situation, so that’s why I can’t really say. I have always known that my now-FI wanted to get married someday. Marriage is important to me, but it might not have been had I been in a totally different relationship and come to see it differently. Does that make any sense?

    Post # 41
    Member
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    No.  I trained as a lawyer (before having to give it up due to ill health) and I want the legal protection that being married gives you.

    Sounds unromantic, but I’ve seen first hand the trouble people in long term relationships have when one dies…or they split up and property/children are involved. And I don’t mean minor squabbling over money, I’m talking about people being made homeless and losing complete contact with their children.

    If we are both serious, want a long term relationship and plan to live together, marriage has to be on the table.  

    Post # 42
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    There is nothing wrong with not wanting to marry.

    However, it’s an issue of compatibility if two people love each other and one wants marriage while the other does not. It’s one of those few critical things about which a couple ought to be on the same page.

    Post # 43
    Member
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    QUESTION – Would you stay with a guy who doesn’t want to marry

    ANSWER – Lol, I wouldn’t date a guy who isn’t on the same page as I in regards to a Relationship.  Period.

    My best advice… IF Marriage is important to a woman, then she needs to be very upfront about that right from the beginning.

    This is 3rd or 4th Date talk material for sure.

    BEFORE one gets their heart sooo entangled (or other bits) that it gets more difficult to see straight…

    Even in my own case, coming off of a horrific Divorce… and super gun-shy to walk down the aisle again,

    I KNEW MYSELF… and that ultimately Marriage is something I believe in for the long term

    So Mr TTR and I were out on a Date it would have been around # 4 or so… less than a month into our relationship.

    And we were talking about our past relationships, while being all aglow about this one we were launching in on with one another

    And I asked…

    “Are you opposed to / open to marrying again ?”

    And he said…

    “NO, I’m not opposed to it… but it would have to be a very special woman, to get me to trust my heart to do that again”

    And so the words were out there.  He was OPEN TO the idea if the right woman (a very special woman) came along

    In time, I proved out to be that woman.

    In reality, we dated / lived together for 6 years before the word Marriage was seriously spoken again.  At 6 years, I was finally ready to take the leap of faith once more.  (As I said, I KNEW MYSELF right from the beginning).  So I told him that I wanted to get married.  He said he was OPEN TO THAT, and asked me WHEN I saw this happening.  I said within about a year (before the end of 2012).  And so that is what happened.  He being the guy that he is, planned out WHEN he would propose… lol, even if it was 5 months later !!  BUT when he did propose, in his own way (the world famous Non-Proposal) he also had a great number of the Wedding Details worked out in his mind (so there was a REASON that he proposed when and where he did).

    It was perfect… it was more than perfect.

    As I have said many times on WBee… couples need to be 100% HONEST & OPEN with each other from the get go.  As they say, Honesty is the BEST Policy.  If a gal wants to marry, she needs to state that up front.  AND she needs to clearly LISTEN to what the guy’s reply is.

    If the guy says ya, when I’m 30, and he’s 25 now… she knows there is going to be a 5 year window.

    If he says someday… there isn’t a clear answer.

    You either have to be OK with the answer he gives or you aren’t.

    Don’t waste years and years with a guy who doesn’t provide a clear answer if marriage is what you want.

    Infact a 5 year window might not be what a gal wants either… if she sees herself having kids before 30, then this could not be the right person for her.  She should get out of this relationship BEFORE she finds herself at 28, 3 years in, and no Proposal in sight.

    You cannot change a man… you can only change yourself.

    I am a strong believer in exchanging LIFE PLANS

    I knew what I wanted out of life… I had a LIFE PLAN.  Prior to talking about getting Engaged, Mr TTR and I had shared our LIFE PLANS many times.  We were on the same page in regards to everything else.

    IF I had wanted to marry, and he didn’t, then the choice would have been mine to make… stay status quo or go.  BUT it wouldn’t be fair for me to b!tch about the fact we weren’t engaged / getting married.

    I honestly don’t get why women aren’t more upfront about all this stuff earlier on… as Dr Phil says, women spend more time doing research to buy a piece of clothing than they do looking for a compatible life mate / marriage partner.  Something wrong with that IMO

    Exchanging LIFE PLANS isn’t an Ultimatum… it is a statement of fact, a clear deliniation of what one wants to do with their life.

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Nope!  Did that.  Thought I could deal with it but I was in ALL KINDS OF DEINAL.

    I was unhappy but told myself over and over that I “don’t need to be married in order to be happy.”  Well he gave me plenty of reasons to not be happy with him aside from not wanting to ever get married.

    A lot of men say they don’t want to ever get married – they’re just not ready OR they just don’t want to marry you.  Sucks – move on – you’ll be better off.

    Post # 45
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Nope.  Because then he and I would not be a good fit.  If I want it and he doesn’t we are INCOMPATIBLE.  It doesn’t mean he’s wrong or a bad person for not wanting it.  But if he’s wasting my time with lies, then that’s unacceptable.  And if I’m wasting my own time trying to become someone that pleases him instead of pleasing and loving myself, that is also unaccpetable.  But then that would be my fault for putting his wants and needs above my own.  Never do that. 

    Post # 46
    Member
    2039 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Hellllzzzz no. Marraige is important to me.

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