TO @NickiBee: there are certainly Men (and Women for that matter) who SAY ONE THING… and DO SOMETHING ELSE.
BUT THEN I was taught early on… THAT ACTIONS IN LIFE TALK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
What someone does is way more important than what they say they’ll do.
This is also why… to prevent misunderstandings, and being strung along that Communication is key. (Ongoing Communication is important in EVERY Healthy Relationship)
IF after a period of time it is clear that two people aren’t on the same page, and it matters to one of them about getting more serious, being married, having kids, whatever… then it is up to that person to make a decision… stay status quo, or go.
You cannot cajole a person into marrying you and actually have it work (an Ultimatum… such as “Marry me or I am outta here”)
You can however say, I want to be married. I want to be married by the time I am 30, so I can start having kids. If I am not Engaged by the time you and I are 28, then I will have to consider my options.
That is truthful. No threats. The choice is then ALL UP TO YOU. And what you decide you are willing to LIVE WITH (or some would say, put up with… as the behaviour of your Partner isn’t in line with your LIFE PLAN)
As for women not being upfront…
I’ve certainly heard of situations where women have said they didn’t lay all the cards on the table early on, because they were scared that by bringing up marriage too soon they’d be scaring a guy off.
Possible… ya sure.
But in reality… I think most guys appreciate a strong confident independent woman who knows her own mind… and what she wants out of life (having a LIFE PLAN is a sign of a well organized person / mind). Nothing to be ashamed of there
The Right Man sees this to be an asset, not a woman who is desperate.
Desperate reads differently. Desperate is clingy in action. Desperate is putting oneself and one’s needs behind that of the other person all the time…
“I didn’t want to bring it up, cause I didn’t want to upset him… or see him leave me”
That is clingy… that is desperate. That is WHY this person isn’t married yet.
When you don’t put at least the element of Marriage and how it falls into your LIFE PLAN out there early… you honestlly are cheating yourself. You are allowing yourself to get into a relationship that might not be inline with your Goals… or how you see life to be for yourself.
This is just another element that should be brought forward early on in my opinion, so one can evaluate the compatibility of the other person (and not waste any one’s time… which is fair to BOTH parties).
Marriage – Sex – Drugs – Alcohol – Porn – Cheating – Respectfulness – Relationship Boundaries, these are ALL things I talk about in the get to know you phase.
I get a feel for the other person’s sensitivities / limitations… and IF they don’t check all the boxes OR there are significant differences (ie what constitutes Cheating) then I am free to make the decision to stay or go. Continue the relationship or not.
The idea being, that I am not invested fully… so it won’t hurt so much. And we are both free to go our own way to find someone more compatible to our needs / LIFE PLAN
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PS… I used the “Royal I – We – and You” in this reply… I of course didn’t mean you personally, as I certainly don’t know your own situation past or present.