(Closed) Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with a guy who doesn't want to marry?

    No. I would move on.

    Yes. Marriage isn't that important to us.

    umm... I'm not sure

    Other. i'll explain

  • Post # 77
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Santa Barbara Courthouse

    No. Marriage is very important to me and I want lifelong and legal commitment.

    The only way I would vote yes is if marriage wasn’t important to my SO, but they were willing to get married because it’s important to me. And even then, I would be weary because I would be scared that we weren’t on the same page about the seriousness of marriage/our vows. 

    If it was someone who was against marriage for some reason, then absolutely not. I would move on immediately. 

    Post # 78
    Member
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    I would not stay with a guy that had no intenetions of marrying me. I found out the hard way my first serious relationship. My ex mentioned on numerous occasions that he would not get married until he was 30. Well at that time 30 was 7 years away for him. I refused to stay around for 7 years…but it took until year 4 and having a child by the guy for me to end the relationship. I’m so glad I got out of it. My Fiance told me I was “going to be his wife one day” within a month of dating me. I guess its the connection we had and we knew what we wanted in our future…marriage. It took two years to get asked to marry him but I think its cute that he knew within a month that I was going to be his wife. Also, he isn’t even 30 years old yet. Completely two different guys.

    BTW 

    View original reply
    @This Time Round:  I loved your response.

    Post # 79
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    My SO is 52 and I’m 51… We havebeen and off for 12 years!!! Enough is enough!

    Post # 80
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  I would not stay with someone who did not want to marry within a time frame I found acceptable.

    There are men who don’t propose knowing how important it is to their significant other. These selfish men are only considering their needs. They are not considering their partners. If they truly see their partner as a wife, why make her wait indefinitely, and if they do not, they need to break up and let her find someone else who wants the same things as her.

    I would definitely not wait and wait. There would come a time when I would move on and be with someone who knows what they want.

     

     

    Post # 81
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My partner isn’t ready to get engaged yet, but even if she decided to put it off FOREVER (sadface) I still wouldn’t leave her. Marriage is important to me (and I’m trying as hard as I can to wait patiently, because I would love to spend the rest of my life with her), but the point of marriage is that you’re going to be together forever, right? I would be disappointed, but in the end, being together is what matters. 

    Post # 82
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - Gardens

    My partner and I first started seeing each other when I was 19 and he was 22, I had been engaged before and always saw myself getting married one day but my partner was fully against marriage all these years, it always upset me but I held onto a hope that one day he would change his mind and if he never did than I’d except that because he still wanted to spend his life with me and I him no matter what, but now 5 and a half years later he decided on his own thay he wanted to marry me and I couldn’t be happier! The ring we are having made for me comes early next month and he will be doing a formal proposal then. People can change their minds; if he can Anyone can trust me!

    Post # 83
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I would move on. But I wouldn’t get into something serious with someone if they didn’t share my thoughts about marriage. I want to have children and I wouldnt do that without being married first. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    3083 posts
    Sugar bee

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  I think if I really really loved him and he had a good reason behind for not believing in it I could possibly let it go.

    I am not 100% sure, but I would consider it.

    Post # 85
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I always knew I wanted to get married and that was a non negotiable. That’s why when I first started dating my Fiance, I asked him within the first couple weeks the questions like did he ever want to get married, have kids, etc – I guess there’s the risk that can lead to them thinking you’re nuts but I wasn’t willing to risk getting all attached if it turned out our priorities were a total mismatch!

    Post # 86
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  If I was in a relationship where they guy NEVER wanted to marry? Then yes, eventually I would leave.  My aunt was with her ex-boyfriend for 16 years..and even though they both had bad luck in their first marriages, she hoped that they would eventually get married. She finally had enough and left. So i definitely think it depends on the situation but if someone flat out does not want to get married, and i do?  Thats obviously a big thing to disagree about.

    Post # 87
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee

    I love my guy but he’s always known marriage is important to me and I wouldn’t stick with him if it wasn’t. I would leave him and move on.

    Post # 88
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee

    It would mean we have different values so I think that would be a deal breakers, but my guy wants marraige so not something I have to think about.

    Post # 89
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I would not stay with someone who didn’t want marriage, I wouldn’t even date him. I do not want kids so that does not play into my decision. Marriage is very important to me and not something I would compromise on. I have watched friends go through relationships with men who “never wanted to get married” Only to break up with him and the guy married the next woman he dated. I strongly believe that when a man doesn’t want to get married it is usually that he doesn’t want to marry who he is with.   (Not always but usually). 

    Post # 90
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @arathella:  +1

    EXCEPT that this would never happen with my guy. Fiance demonstrates with his actions time and time again that all he wants is for me to be happy.  If I really wanted us to marry, even if he felt it was unnecessary or did not want to do it, I know he would to make me happy if it were that important to me. 

    For what it is worth, until I met Fiance I said I never wanted to get married.  Within a month of dating Fiance I realized what I meant was I never wanted to get divorced.  I wanted to sign up to be with this man for the rest of my life as soon as possible. 

    Post # 91
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t wait around to see if he will change his mind and propose. I would either take some time to reflect and see if I would feel comfortable without marriage. If I wasn’t and would probably grow to resent him, then I would move on.

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