Your marriage is a balance sheet, but it’s supposed to be a partnership. You aren’t ‘together’ in the full meaning of the word. You are roommates who have sex. And you are bringing a baby into this mess.
I’m very sorry, but your husband doesn’t love you. It has nothing to do with you, and it doesn’t matter if it has something to do with his ex. A man in love, with a healthy respect for his wife, doesn’t make her pay for pregnancy related things alone. He doesn’t insist on paying for groceries separately. He doesn’t split the check in a restaurant. A man in love is affectionate and loving, and a man who respects his wife won’t tell her that if she alters her own body he will leave her, and if she can’t work he will leave her. That isn’t your fault. You are loveable. HE is the one with the issue.
If you could be content with being in a business-like relationship for compatibility, I’d say go for it. However –
– you are unhappy
– he tries to control your body and life
– you have a child
Parents don’t need to fight to mess up a child’s concept of love and relationships. All your child needs to see is the coldness and disrespect for it to mess them up royally. Expect that they are going to need therapy themselves and have dysfunctional relationships, and if you think that’s too harsh you better think again. You and your husband are the primary role models in how to love, how to communicate, how to respect each other, what to expect from a spouse, how to treat others. You need to give careful consideration to how responsible you want to be for your child learning this.
Sometimes people think they have to stay in a relationship if there’s no physical abuse or cheating, but that’s not the case. You stay in a marriage until it doesn’t work for you. You already know this relationship doesn’t work for you, as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise. It isn’t enough. If he can be convinced to go to therapy and work on this relationship with you there’s a shot, but if he can’t be bothered then you shouldn’t be either. There are too many other men out there who will want to make you happy to bother with someone who doesn’t care.
I am very close with someone who had more of a ‘companionship’ situation with her husband. She did love him, but he didn’t love her and it was pretty obvious. She was content because she had her needs taken care of. At 50, after 20 years together, he fell in love, had an affair, divorced her super fast, and moved to another country to live with his new girlfriend. She was inconsolable for a year…and then she met someone who actually WANTED to be with her, spent time with her, and made her feel like she was desired and valued. This man cooks for her, supports her through troubles, spends his free time with her, sends her flowers at least twice a month, and he just proposed to her. She is blissfully happy, instead of just content.
Which brings me to your situation. These things will out. If he doesn’t love you, eventually he will not be satisified with the status quo and he will leave you, and it will not be on your terms. If you stay because it’s easier, if you stay because it’s convenient, it will end up going worse for you in the end.