(Closed) Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?
    yes, I love him so much that I would stay with him even if we never got married : (42 votes)
    31 %
    no, I would leave him because being married is very important to me : (69 votes)
    51 %
    it depends (please explain) : (23 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    Hmm if my SO didn’t want a wedding I wouldn’t see it as a deal breaker IF he would be willing to compromise and we both wore rings as our symbols of commitment. Both of us wearing rings without the formal legally binding contract would be fine with me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I didn’t want to get married. SO and life circumstances had to talk me into it. I would have been find just going on as we were! But this whole wedding thing is alright too. 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    At one point in our relationship, my husband had said that he never wanted to get married. There were many times we talked about just being together and never getting married. It never really bothered me. I wanted to be with him regardless. Of course, he came around, but I would have never left him even if we hadn’t tied the knot.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d have left. I’m not waiting around for some guy to change his mind – he either wants to be with me (and that means kids, and that means marriage) or he doesn’t.

    And if he doesn’t want marriage, he doesn’t want kids, and he doesn’t want me. Boo frickity hoo.

    Post # 7
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Marriage is just the icing on the cake to me 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I would definitely leave and while I’m not saying it would be easy because he is my whole world, marriage is important to me. I’ve always dreamed of my wedding and honeymoon. He knows that and if he knew something was important to me and he wasn’t willing to go that extra mile, I’d leave because I want someone to value whats important to me. If he didn’t want to get married at all because he was afraid of commitment, I’d also leave because if our love wasn’t enough to change his mind, then I’d feel like I love him more than he loves me.

    Good thing is though my fiance VERY much wants to get married and is actively helping me plan our summer victorian wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @MrsPinkBONBON:Can I ask a crazy/personal question? Why doesn’t it go the same way? If it was important to your Fiance to not get married, why would your want trump his?

    Post # 10
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    It would depend on WHY he wouldn’t want to be married. If there was a good reason (in my opinion) then I think I could learn to be okay with it. If it were just that “his friends weren’t doing it” or something stupid, then heck no. Marriage is a commitment that I always envisioned myself making and luckily the man I love feels the same way.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3303 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would have left—- it wouldn’t  be easy but I would have needed to find someone who wanted the same as me relationship wise. All guys I have seriously dated all had to have wanted the same end goal to our relationship. Otherwise we weren’t on the same page and I needed to find someone who wanted the same as me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    476 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    To me, its important for couples to have shared goals, both long term and short term. Marriage is a goal, a lifestyle, something you want to look back on your life and be proud about – and I don’t think I could stay with my SO if he didn’t feel the same way I did. I’d always want it, and feel like I was settling in some way, no matter how great he was.

    Post # 13
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @WithoutWax: Because thats just the way it is. If something is important to me like a commitment and he doesn’t want to commit to marriage, then I don’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t see things eye to eye to me. Besides there is no way to compromise something like that since they are on complete opposite ends. I wouldn’t be okay with not getting married and he wouldn’t be okay with getting married. Do you realize there is no compromise? THATS why it doesn’t go both ways.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Marriage is really important to me, too. I don’t think I would have been able to stay with Fiance without that. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1851 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Oooh tough. This doesn’t apply to me either, but I’ve definitely thought about it. I’m not saying I would leave immediately, but I think I’d be much more likely to leave the relationship if we were struggling through a rough patch than I would if we were married. Mostly because I would feel like he didn’t take our relationship as seriously as I did.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I think that I would stay with him for a while, but I wouldn’t be as inclined to stay later. It’s not about the committment because I know the idea of being married wouldn’t change our level of loyalty. It’s just that there are so many legal benefits to marriage and I think it would kind of scare me not having them. It also would cause many arguments in the future I’m sure since I’m the type of girl who’s been planning her wedding since she was born haha.

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