(Closed) Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?

    yes, I love him so much that I would stay with him even if we never got married

    no, I would leave him because being married is very important to me

    it depends (please explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee

    I would have to leave. I personally am not interested in having kids out of wedlock and would feel like I wasn’t “important enough” to be married to.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Yes, marriage was his idea.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1035 posts
    Bumble bee

    If my SO didn’t want to get married as much as I love him I would leave him.  Marriage is very important to me and something I want so it would be a deal breaker.  We talked early on where we say the realtionship headed and marriage was eventually going to be in our future.  If he would of told me he wasn’t sure or that it was a no go I  would of be done a long time ago.

    Post # 20
    Member
    496 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Beluga: Same here! My fiance was much more into the idea of marriage than I was. Obviously now I’ve come around to it :).

    Post # 21
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee

    This is a tough question…. I probably wouldn’t stay. I’d like to get married one day and have all the legal benefits of marriage and have my future kids raised by two married parents. I would not want to just live with someone, never marry and have kids out-of-wedlock. I don’t judge people who do it that way but it’s something I don’t want for myself in life.

    Post # 22
    Member
    760 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It is important to me, and important for my future children.  It would not be something I could compromise on. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would have left him. If he didn’t want to get married, we probably would have different values anyways, though. Marriage is important to me for many reasons- legal/security, kids, and my general want for marriage and I would never want to miss out on something I wanted so badly. I’ve never cut myself short on anything else I’ve wanted out of life and I don’t think marriage is any different.

     

    Note: I don’t think its wrong for people to not want to get married, its just my opinion and choice

    Post # 24
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would not stay with Fiance if he did not want to get married. I would feel that it would be unfair to both parties involved.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @Beluga:  I’m a little like you, I was the person who was reluctant to get married (for a whole lot of reasons).

    At the end of the day though I want to have children with my DH and I couldn’t do that without being married.

    So here we are, happily married for six weeks (!) and this wedding and marriage thing is alright!  I’m very lucky that my then BF chose to stick it out and wait for me whil I got myself ready 🙂

    By The Way sometimes the reluctance to get married is part of the bigger picture (growing up, settling down etc), not just the commitment and happily ever after.

    Post # 26
    Member
    829 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I come at this from a different point of view. I was married at 20 and divorced by 24. Then I had two relationships that lasted several years each, that did not end in marriage. I told myself in both of these situations that I didn’t need it, that I’d been there, done that, didn’t care if I did it again. The truth of the matter was that both of those men were not marriage material. They were not long term thinkers, and I think that they may have loved me, but they sure as hell loved themselves more, loved their careers more and loved not being completely tied down. My Fiance is as different from these guys as a man could be. He is someone I can see as my husband, and someone I want to bind myself to for life, legally and in every other way. And the fact that he feels the same about me is amazing. I feel a little sad for myself sometimes, because I feel like I wasted many years of my life on men who really weren’t there for me. But at the same time, if I hadn’t gone through those relationships, I wouldn’t recogize the blessing I have now.  

    Post # 27
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I dont think I could ever understand enough to be happy to stay if my Fiance had decided he never wanted to get married.

    I would always not understand why he couldnt bring himself to take that step, especially as it was wildly important to me.

    It would ruin the relationship any way, because I would live to resent him for it.

    Post # 28
    Member
    3928 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I would stay because I love him forever and always. I have also been the one who has been reluctant to get married for various reasons that I will not go into here, but I can let you know that those reasons have nothing to do with him.

    That being said, I am an encore bride and I have had my children and will not be having anymore. If I was younger and we were going to have children, we would have to be married, in my opinion, and if for whatever reason, he didn’t want to get married that would be a deal breaker; just because that I believe that children should be brought up in a home where the couple is married.

    Right now, I am just happy that I have found my prince charming, and I am happy to stay with him whether or not we would be married.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I’ve decided to stay, even though I freely admit that I will not be 100% happy without marraige, I will be even more unhappy without him.  I can’t see how it makes sense to tell him I love him so much I want to spend forever with him, but if he doens’t marry me, I’m going to leave him forever.  That means I’d love mrarriage itself more than him.

    This is not an easy decision, and yes, I feel very sad at times that we’re not married, but I try my best to understand what in him makes marraige so terrifying and try to remember that it’s mostly him, not me, that is having issues about it.  He’s slowly changed his thouhgts, so maybe we can eventually celebrate our 20th year together by getting married 😛

    Post # 30
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I said that I would stay even if we never got married. I love him for who he is as a person and whether or not we get married does not change how I feel about him. I’m also absolutely OK with having children and not being married. This might be because I know plenty of couples who are unmarried and have been together for 10+ years and have kids, own a house together and are absolutely happy to live the life they live. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’d stay for sure… he’s the absolute love of my life.  Of course, the why would make a difference.  If he were the “no woman’s gonna tie me down type” , well, frankly he wouldn’t be the love of my life now would he?  If it were a matter of coming from a very liberal, “marriage isn’t necessary for commitment” I’d have no problem with that.  It’s funny actually, to be trolling around the “waiting” board, anxiously anticipating the ring, since marriage hadn’t been terribly important to me before either!  However, one trip to the jewelers, and that sparkly on my finger for just FIVE minutes has turned me into a breathless waiter!  🙂

    The topic ‘Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors