(Closed) Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you stay with your SO even if marriage might not happen?

    yes, I love him so much that I would stay with him even if we never got married

    no, I would leave him because being married is very important to me

    it depends (please explain)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    725 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it depends on whether he was up-front in the beginning of the relationship about his views on marriage or if it was sprung upon me once I’ve invested time and emotions. If I thought we were working towards marriage and one day he said “nope, I’m not interested” I would be pretty hurt. But if from the beginning he made it clear that he wouldn’t be interested in marriage, I could decide as we went along whether I could continue a relationship without marriage as a possibility.

    With my DH (minus the immigration issues), I would probably have stayed with him forever with or without the marriage.

    Post # 33
    Member
    5259 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Well, this is a complex issue/ loaded question, so it is difficult to answer.  With my particular SO, yes- I would have stayed with him because the marriage is just a natural thing to what we already had- so actually getting married was no big deal-.  However, obviously that is because he was/ we were committed.  If that had not been there, then of course I wouldn’t have stayed.  So, it wasn’t the marriage, it was the committment that mattered.  The marriage almost meant nothing- if that makes since?  Because we already had that.  It is difficult to explain.  But if he never wanted marriage, that might weird me out because I have family values and that might then change the feelings of committment I was feeling from him.  As it were, he was completely committed, so the marriage was just a no-biggie.  Icing on the cake.

    Post # 35
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee

    @armychica06: Put perfectly! Marriage is extremely important to me and I can’t be commited long term without that commitment from my SO.

    Post # 36
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We talked about marriage on our first date, so I knew pretty early on that it was in the cards. (We were also a little smashed.) But it was just the Jack Daniels talking, we both only wanted to date someone that was open to marriage.

    I believe that marriage is a sacrament, and so I wouldn’t want to live like I was married if I wasn’t. I appreciate the security that comes with it, but more than that I love the meaning that marriage adds to our relationship. I would have got out really early on if it wasn’t in the cards. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    2300 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

    I know I wouldn’t be happy, and I wouldn’t feel valued, so I’d have to leave for my own sanity. That and I really do not want to have children outside of marriage.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I’m one of those new-fangled people who thinks that marriage is lovely, but would rather stay with the one I loved & not be married than get married to someone who I liked less.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    From the other side, I would have stayed with him even if we never got married. Being married is important to me, but being with the right person is just as important. (What I would not do is have kids with someone I weren’t married to. Since having or not having them isn’t a dealbreaker to me, that’s really all the difference it would have made.)

    Post # 40
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would stay. He makes me feel so good about myself and so secure in our relationship, that I would never doubt his faithfulness and committment to me, even without the rings.

    I also couldn’t imagine life without him.

    Post # 41
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It depends. I would stay with him forever, but not have kids unless we are married. He really wants kids so we are going to get married.

    Post # 42
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @bebefly: I agree… you wrote that just like it came out of my head… Boo hickory doo LOL

    Post # 43
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I love him a lot and can’t imagine a life without him, but I would have to leave him if he truly never wanted to get married. Marriage is very important to me and like other ladies have stated, I don’t want to have kids unless we are married. He reassures me all the time that he wants to get married too and is working on the ring so this doesn’t really apply to me.

    Good question @Shirinjoon: !

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