(Closed) Would you still attend this wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m not sure if I would go or not.  Just be prepared that if you don’t go to her wedding that will pretty much show where you value your friendship with her so be prepared for this friendship to end.  If you are ok with taking that road, than I say don’t go.   If you think you’d like to preserve the frienship, than go. 

Post # 4
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kaw2be:  

 

I agree. Prepare to end this friendship if you don’t go. Even if you try to rekindle later, you’ll always be the friend who didn’t go to her wedding. 

I think I would just go… but would prefer to take a guest, as you mentioned!

Post # 5
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t go. If she hates you forever, oh well. It’s not like anything will change. You already never talk, so really nothing would change.

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would go, people are busy and not everyone is detailed orientated! I usually think of what someone’s intentions are if I find myself upset about something. Was she intentional or just thoughtless? Go from that answer.

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would go. I don’t think she doesn’t care; I think that she has been busy with everything. I also think that she didn’t proposely ignore the breakup what you went through. She probably just didn’t want to open the wound and make you feel awkward or bad. I say give her the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well I was a maid of honour for an ex-friend. She treated me like crap didn’t appreciate me and the money and effort I put into everything – people told me to pull out of the wedding – I didn’t – and so I went and turns out we ended the friendship shortly after anyways – so how much do you value her role in your life? is she too much drama and no support? too much take and no give? only you can decide this honey – chin up! you sound like an awesome person going through a crappy time- just know that this time will end and you will be happy again!

 

P.s I also went to a girl’s wedding whom i used to be close to and then we drifted apart – she invited me to her wedding – I went – and i haven’t seen her since she doesn’t contact me and i am not sure if I should invite her to my wedding ………oh how weddings can make life so comlicated LOL 🙂

Post # 9
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

On reading the other posts I think I’ve missed something so sorry if this makes no sense.

You broke an engagement with your ex, the logical thing (to me at least) would be that you had broken up completely.  And whilst at the time that wasn’t the case, it is now.  Anyway a lot of brides have +1 rules, often only those who are married or engaged get one.  Ok, she’s inviting 300 people, but it’s still her guestlist (or her and her FIs).  And yes, she could have called.  But she’s getting married, she’s busy, and she’s got 299 other guests too.

She did reach out, ok not loads, but speaking as someone who is rubbish at keeping in touch she tried in a way she knew how.  It sounds like neither are you are great at that.  She wants you to be there because you were implemental in their relationship.  If you don’t want to go (and I totally get not wanting to go alone) then don’t go.  She’ll be disappointed, of course she will, but she’ll get over it.  (If she told you you HAD to go via text, I doubt it was a threat)

(sorry if I sound insensitive, that’s not my intention)

Post # 10
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sure we have all experienced times where we have offended people unintentionally. I’m sure your friend didn’t mean to insult you in any way and it’s possible the stress of the wedding planning has made her a bit forgetful. Since you haven’t kept in close contact, she may not have known or remembered what your relationship status was, particularly because it does sound a bit complicated. I think you are taking what it probably an honest mistake and turning it into a bigger issue than it should be. Be a good friend (even if you feel like she hasn’t been one) and show up to her wedding. None of these minor issues is worth ruining a friendship over and you will cause your friend hurt feelings if you snub her. Then, after the wedding when she is more relaxed, if you are still upset about it, talk to her in a nice way and give her a chance to make it up to you instead of letting it fester.

Post # 11
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that she has several other guests to tend too so she is busy, sorry I only have 60-65 guests and a lot of contact is through text and email. With 300 guests if everyone on the list brought a +1 it would be out of control. Would you be more insulted if she didn’t invite you at all? I have let my guests know that if they are not in a serious relationship 3 months beforehand they are not to bring a guest. Sorry, we can’t afford the extra plate for someone we don’t know when we didn’t invite some people that we do know but couldn’t fit into the venue.. sorry.. I’ll stop ranting. 

The reality is, in the end, It’s an invitation, a choice for you to make and it would be nice to honour people who you set up and see them be successful, she is including you as she is grateful that she met her match. 

If it will be too painful for you to attend the wedding due to your recent end of engagement then I am sure she will understand. 

Post # 12
Member
9649 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

while I don’t agree with your friend sending the invite to your ex FI’s house. I think it was actually thoughtful of her to not put his name on the invitation, as you two had just cancelled your engagement and she probably assumed you had broken up, which now you have, and it would have been awkward for you two to attend a wedding together.

I also completely understand her saying no to you asking to bring a guest. Bride and groom get to decide the guestlist, it is their day. 300 people is a lot already, and who wants to have strangers at their wedding?

I’d say go, you don’t want to lose this friendship over something so minor

Post # 13
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ananeele:  You have been invited AS A GUEST.  This means you have every right and privlege as the other 299 guests – including the right to politely decline the invitation without repurcussions. 

Now, whether or not your friend will honor this right remains to be seen, but you do, in fact have this right.

If you are uncomfortable attending the wedding due to your recent change in relationship, due to your relationship (or lack thereof) with the bride and groom, if you’re unable to travel the distance to the wedding (though that seems like it isn’t the case) or if you have other plans… or if you *just don’t feel like going* you can send a prompt and politely worded note to the person managing the RSVPs. 

Miss Ananeele LastName

regrets to decline the kind invitation of

[Hosts of the wedding, as listed on the invitation]

to the wedding of

Miss Friend’s Name

and

Mr. Other Friend

Due to a prior obligation.

 

If you don’t include the mention of the prior obligation it’s a snub that implies you don’t want to have anything to do with the couple.

You could also just send back the RSVP card and include a little note that says you’re so sorry you’ll have to miss the wedding.

Either way you ought to send a note (or card, if you prefer) congratulating the couple.  Send a gift IF you feel close to them and you would like to do so.  (Based on your post, I’d say that your relationship warrants nothing extravagant.)

Post # 15
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ok….She didnt know you cancelled the engagement…but did you personally tell her? Its tough to keep track of whats going on with people through the grapevine.

With 300 people their you might not even run into your old friends, and if you do? Is the world going to emplode? I would go, look HOT and make the best of it! Who knows what single guys might be there or who you might have a great conversation with. And to be honest, looking after a wedding of 300 people is probley very stressful! And she has a lot going on. Just becuase you havent talked to someone in a long time, doesnt mean you should continue to still not talk. Maybe go out for a glass of wine, or invite her over for dinner and that might change things. But like another bee said, if you dont go, be perpared for your friendship to possibley end.

Post # 16
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would decline.  It just seems a bit off to me, and I wouldn’t be comfortable going.

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