Post # 1
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
It is basically a destination wedding as all guests live at least 5.5-6 hour drive away; some live more than 10 hours away by car (each way). The couple expects guests to arrive early Friday to attend a lunch cookout on the beach (rehearsal dinner is for bridal party only). Ceremony is on Saturday at sunset with dinner and dancing to follow. Guests are invited to a pay-for-yourself brunch on Sunday before departure (cost was outlined in save-the-date). Hotel rooms are $185/night with a minimum 2-night stay at the preferred hotels (B&Bs really) and it’s minimum $85 fee to take your car on the ferry.
So realistiically, guests will have to take at least one day off from work, drive a minimum of 6 hours or pay airfare & car rental and spend about $500 just to attend (keep in mind gas, tolls, food, etc. as well). The bride is talking about how much in debt they will be by the time the wedding is over (think platinum wedding—she asked her father to mortgage his home to pay for it) and was saying that they need each guest (not couple but guest) to gift them at least $300 (they’re expecting 200 guests) and they printed a card with the save-the-dates that said: “For both your convenience and ours, we’ve chosen not to register for wedding gifts and will graciously accept monetary gifts…” The note also included wording about feeling free to send gifts ahead of time to help with wedding costs and also included a link for electronic funds transfer directly into an account. It also said that “your e-gift will be acknowledged promptly with an electronic thank you card.”
So what I’m asking is:
Would you expect to receive monetary wedding gifts from guests who traveled so far & spent $500 plus gas & food (they’re only providing 2 meals for the weekend)?
If so, how much would you honestly expect people to give?
What are your thoughts on the “no registry” card they included?
Personally, I find the whole thing to be in poor taste and am debating whether or not to attend. On the one hand, I want to support their marriage and attend the wedding of a family member, but on the other I think they are being terribly crass and over-the-top. It’s one thing if you (or your family) can afford a platinum wedding, but to ask your retired 70+ parents to mortgage their home to finance your wedding and then solicit potential guests for money… No bueno in my book.
Post # 3
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
I am disgusted by this story. I’ll just say it. So many things wrong I can’t even begin to enumerate.
Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Uh, if I were a guest at this wedding, I would probably give a $50 gift. Not cash/check, but a gift.
Post # 5
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper
I cant believe they wrote that!
Post # 6
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
Yikes. Um… I stupidly voted before I read the story. I think when it comes to traveling for weddings, people should give whatever they want to / whatever they can afford. If you can’t afford a gift, that’s cool! “Your presence is your gift – gifts are for old rich people,” as I keep telling all my friends. But what that couple is doing is really rude. I’d skip the wedding, to be honest.
Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
@R.Elliott: Okay, I feel better now! I thought maybe it was just me. The really sad thing, the couple are in their thirties and both have good jobs with good salaries. They had money to each have 30th birthday parties a couple of years ago—they rented a yacht for one of them — but didn’t have money to give the bride’s parents a 50th wedding anniversary dinner (so other relatives did and they didn’t even contribute a dime) nor did they do anything for the parents’ 70thand 75th birthdays last year & this year respectively (again, they cited not having any money).
Post # 8
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
Umm…..wow!! I’ve never heard of anything like this! It’s completely out of line and rude! If it’s a family member you feel comfortable talking to, I would consider telling her that you’re concerned guests may be put off by her request/outright demand for money! If you do attend I would get her a card only with a max of $20 in it just to prove a point!
Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
That is apalling. I would probably write a note saying I am so glad to celebrate the day with them but given the cost of attending I am not able to provide the gift they requested” If they can address/request, then you should be able to address it as well.
Post # 10
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
Oh wow…I’m speechless! How gracious of her to send that pre-programmed electronic thank you ;).
Post # 11
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
“will graciously accept monetary gifts…“
Yes, how gracious of them! The electronic thank you cards especially! WOW.
Post # 12
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
This is really horrible and in very poor tast. Personally, I wouldn’t go to the wedding or send them a card or a gift of any kind. I probably wouldn’t even send back the RSVP, just because I would feel so disgusted after receiving something like this. I can’t even comprehend why they did this or even what they were thinking when they did it.
Post # 13
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
@tootietoo2: Wow, what a thoughtless couple.
Post # 14
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
oh my. If i were going I wouldn’t give a gift. If I didn’t go I’d get a physical gift, I like that idea.
That is the rudest save the date ever.
I’m having a Destination Wedding and I’m def gonna say that their presence is the best gift.
Post # 15
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
They really just sound like very self centered people. I would skip the wedding and re-evaluate if I should consider them friends.
Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
A gift, but not necesarily money. If the person in the bridal party is a bit strapped for cash a framed picture frame with a sweet card would be just as nice (well maybe not) as 300 bucks. But I do expect SOMETHING, just depends on what one can afford. So I didn’t answer your poll.
