(Closed) Would you still expect gifts? If so, what price range?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you expect to receive monetary gifts from attending guests? If so, how much?

    No, they've spent enough

    Yes, whatever they can afford is fine, I'm thrilled they made the trip

    Yes, $0-$50

    Yes, $51-$100

    $101-$150

    Yes, $151-$200

    Yes, $201-$250

    Yes, $251-$300

    Yes, >$300

  • Post # 62
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee

    Reading this actually made me feel physically ill. I am surprised/disappointed her parents indulged her demands. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    1404 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I would go and give them a card with a little bit of money.  Like $40.  I would not go on Friday though.  I would just drive there on Saturday for the wedding, stay one night at the hotel, and leave on Sunday without going to the brunch!  Who says you have to go on Friday for the lunch?  Doesn’t seem worth it to take off of work on Friday!

    Post # 64
    Member
    702 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    LOLOLOL! If they seriously believe they are going to get $300 from most of their guests, they are in for one rude awakening!

    I had a similar semi-destination wedding, just a bit closer for most guests (about 2-3 hours drive). Still, most guests had to stay overnight at least one night, and many stayed for the entire weekend. We did pay for their meals on Friday night (wedding night), Saturday night and brunch on Sunday, plus a modest meal for those who arrived Thursday night, as well.

    We made a point to let guests know that their “presence” was far more important than their “presents”… we realized we were already asking them to shell out $$ to attend, and that was all that mattered.

    Post # 65
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    No no no no no! This is all wrong! I was in the “give them a crappy token gift” boat until I saw that they recently attended your wedding without giving even a card! I say go, have a great weekend and don’t bring them anything. If she asks (which by the sounds of her, she will) smile sweetly and say so were strapped for cash since, and she of all people must understand, it cost you so much to pay for your recent wedding! Sometime’s being the bigger person is a nice way to go but that is just ridiculous!! Please don’t give them any money!

    Post # 66
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee

    I. just. would. not. attend……..Or…….lol….. I would and just give them a card with NO cash………  

    Post # 67
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Putting anything about gifts, let alone monetary gifts, on your wedding stationery is just plain tacky!

    I had a destination wedding just a few weeks ago, and we did not expect any wedding gifts.  We received a couple here and there from close family anyway, but we were pleasantly surprised by anything that we got!

    My parents hosted a larger-than-average wedding shower for us a few months ago, and we registered for shower gifts, but we put on our website that wedding gifts were not at all necessary.

    I’m in a similar boat as you right now though, I’m afraid.  I’m the bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding, and i don’t think that she has considered how much it is going to cost most of her guests to travel for her wedding!  

     

    Post # 68
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Whoa…..craaaaaaaaazy! And just plain rude. I know a couple people who have put something about cash gifts on the invitation, but one was so they could go on a mission trip to Haiti and the other was to contribute to their inner city ministry. This is a whole different story. I probably wouldn’t go (what other hidden costs might surface?) but I’d probably send a nice handmade card 🙂

    Post # 69
    Member
    3423 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If she has the audacity to keep asking you about money and telling you how much she needs as a gift, you so should somehow point it out that she didn’t even give you a card, let alone money.  Make her feel like a douche.

    Post # 70
    Member
    3457 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is disgusting, especially the part about asking her parents to mortgage their house for her wedding! And the electronic thank you card ?!?!!?

    I’d send her an anonymous card with $10 in it and tell her to buy a clue.

    Post # 71
    Bee
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

    Will GRACIOUSLY accept monetary gifts? Wtf? Who says that in ANY wedding?

    Post # 72
    Member
    417 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    A party to celebrate buying your dress?  Really?  Man, just think of all the parties I’ve missed out on having….

    I’m another one who can’t believe her parents are letting her get away with this–my folks are the same age and as much as I’d love a contribution, they need the money themselves now that they’re retired!

    Post # 73
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee

    Relative or not, she’s a spoiled brat and deserves to be treated like one. I’d decline the invitation and not send anything, and just laugh when I heard she dropped a hissy fit (which she will).

    I feel sorry for her parents, but her attitude is probably a result of a long pattern with all of them. Think of the poor guy marrying her.

    Post # 74
    Member
    3949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    How about getting them a nice Etiquette book to help them out?   That way you can get that auto-generated thank you note.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1187 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This post is absolutely dreadful. I can’t believe they got away with actually sending those save-the-dates and invitations out! Were there no close friends or relatives to bring her back down to planet earth?! This is the most crass thing I have ever heard of. It would make me want to decline the invitation. But since its family and you may feel obligated to go I would not buy them a gift. A simple card wishing them happiness is enough, your presence is the gift. People should not go into extreme debt to pay for a wedding, nor should they expect their family too, its all very sad. I’m considering a destination wedding and the only way we will do it is if we can pay for airfare and hotel for our guests, and we by no means are printing money in the basement 😉

    Post # 76
    Member
    3930 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    you should send them $300 in monopoly money and tell them that you of course assumed they were joking. 

    if you are really feeling generous, you could get them the whole board game.

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