(Closed) Would you still marry this guy?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 167
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@SweetVanity:  I think she was scared and is probably overreacting, but she still hasn’t addressed the question of whether this is a repeated behavior, so we can’t really say if she’s overreacting in the context of their history as a couple.

But a lot of these comments are really not about pointing our her overraction of considering calling off the wedding.  A lot of them are really saying she is unreasonable for being so dependent on him (which is not even relevant to the original post), or that she is somehow unreasonable for expecting him to check on her. 

Post # 168
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I personally don’t think it makes OP dependent or needy just because she was upset that her fiance didn’t check up on her.  It just sounds like OP is the type of person who would check up on her loved ones if she got a text like that and was just hoping for the same concern.   And whether it was the first incident or not it still would be nice for a loved one to show concern. 

@hummingbird2627:  Hope everything is okay, I would definitely follow up with a doctor.  And hopefully you talked it over with your SO.  Unless you are having other issues and this is the straw that broke that camel’s back, give him the benefit of the doubt and focus on why you do love him. 

Post # 169
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

IDK — if it was a true emergency I would keep calling my Fiance over..and over..and over..and over again. Or, more importantly, I would call 911. I can be super dramatic and he knows that if I text him it’s probably just me being ridiculous but if he checks his phone and has 10+ missed calls, shit has hit the fan!

I agree and wonder if this is previous behavior and he is tired of false alarms/dramatic behavior. Or, he just might not care anymore. Or, he could’ve been busy and didn’t check the phone.Or, a million other things!

 

I did text my fiance once something about feeling really really sick (I have meniere’s disease and get super dizzy and sick often) and when I didn’t respond (He didn’t get my text until an hour later & I also fell asleep) he called me like 100 times (while driving to my house.) So…OP, I do understand wanting to know he would care enough to make that effort.

But this post just seems very petty and full of a bunch of “what ifs”
I mean if the OP was truly in danger, she should’ve called 911. That’s what I would’ve done. She should know her body and be independent enough to make that decision.  OP wasn’t in serious danger. She sounds dramatic honestly.

Also, if you couldn’t talk/breathe enough to physically call your fiance, any sane person who was in serious distress would’ve called an ambulance because being unable to breathe is very serious!

Post # 170
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I didn’t read all post here so someone might already said the same thing as I’m about to say.

You texted him that you would take a medication and then you would call an ambulance.  So I think he expected you to call or text him again if you would really need an ambulance.  Also, if you never have allergic reaction to peanut before, I think it’s less likely to be a life threatening (that you would need a needle thing).  He might know that as well.  For waiting for 4 hours to reach out to you (really not sure why, maybe he’s busy? or maybe he expected you to be resting and didn’t want to wake you up?).  You just can’t call off the wedding just because of this reason.  If I were the one receiving the message, I would wonder how serious it could be because it’s really serious, it should be a phone call rather than a text, really.

Post # 171
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ixtlali: Is your FI in the military? Mine is and he is over protective and worries about everything. I have two slipped dic and my back has gone out twice since he has been deployed and given the fact that he is in Afghainstan he asked the soldiers that were at the camp to get in contact with me every hour or 2 until he got back to camp. It is clear how much he cares about my health and I thanked him for loving and being so concerned. It is one of the reason I love him so much.

Post # 172
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He should have drove right over. Allergies are a serious thing. On that note, OP, next time you should call 911.

Post # 173
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I doubt the OP is coming back, but, my thought is this: assuming she didn’t need him to help her and she had the situation totally handled, then essentially she wants to call off her wedding over not calling for 4 hours, which seems insane. My gut is that the OP (as others have said) is having serious doubts about marrying this guy, and this seems like a way better exit strategy than “I just don’t want to marry you.”

I think that is why so many people are focusing on the level of the emergency, believing that it is nuts for someone to want to call off a wedding for failure to check in on a person within a reasonable amount of time. So, the only logical thing to consider is that the OP thought this was a much bigger emergency and that she somehow expected her Fiance to come help her and maybe drive her to the hospital (more akin to if she had called and said “Hey, I fell down the steps, I think my leg is broken and I am stuck at the bottom of the stairs”…if your Fiance waits 4 hours to call you back or doesn’t come to get you/check up/follow you to the hospital I get rethinking the marriage then)

Hopefully I am wrong and the OP will return because I too would like to know whether or not this is a chain of behavior or if she is just really unsure about marrying this man and didn’t want to just say “No, it isn’t working, I don’t want to marry you” 

Post # 174
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m confused. I mean… if my SO texted me that, I’d be concerned, but I’d assume that if he’s able to text (and not call) then it’s not an emergency. As an adult, I’d assume he would make it KNOWN that it’s an emergency…. and call 911 first for help, not me. 

There have been times where it’s been a medical emergency and I called 911 first and then called him and said “COME TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.” A text saying, “I think I MIGHT be allergic to peanuts, I’m having a hard time breathing but I’m going to take some benadryl and call the ambulance if I don’t feel better,” doesn’t scream urgent to me. 

Post # 176
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I won’t take such a big risk marrying a guy like this…

Post # 177
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I don’t agree with people saying the OP is wrong, over dramtic, should have called when she couldn’t breath ect.

I think people’s varying thoughts depend on how they were brought up and how their families showed emotions and love to one another.

 

Sound like the op is more emotional which is not bad thing and wants the same in return.

 

I had a health issue some time back, my boyfriend and I dicussed what should happen if anything went wrong. My boyfriend asked me not to play hero and tell him if I was in serious pain because he felt women have a habit of downplaying health issues ect.

He can be very affectionate but also very distant at times. Like if I’m mad or upset he removes himself mentally and becomes even more distant. With that being said, he is very attentive about medical problems and not feeling well. He’ll text to make sure I’m ok.

I think you need to talk to him and get to the bottom of this. Maybe you guys can work this out.

 

Post # 179
Member
30 posts
Newbee

oh, per texting, many people text versus talk on the phone. Its a new age. I don’t like talking on the phone at all. I have groen to hate it. My boyfriend and I text about most things as neither of us are phone people.

Post # 180
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I just asked my SO and before I even finished asking him he said 911!!!!!!!! and that he would be at the hospital before I got there.

Post # 181
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If it was my Fiance it probably would have been like 2 days before he got my texts. He never checks his phone. Even if he did check his texts regularly I don’t think this is something I’d leave him over. He’s a pretty good guy and good at judging when something is serious or not. If he thinks the situation is serious, he’ll be there, if not he won’t.

About a year ago I was having some issues with my eye (it hurt and my vision was blurry) I called a service we have here that you can call and describe your symptoms and they’ll tell you what to do. I was more needing to know if my eye wasn’t any better the next day should I see my GP or an optometrist or what. After describing my symptoms the nurse said it could be my retina trying to detach and that I should get to the hospital right away, and that if no one could drive me I should call an ambulance.

Fiance was playing soccer so I texted him and left him a note so he would know where I was, I called my dad (who lives a few minutes away) and my dad drove me to the hospital. Fiance got my text at his game but didn’t feel it was a big deal so he met me at the hospital after stopping at home and showering. I wasn’t mad at all. I didn’t feel so bad that I needed him there especially since my dad could be there with me. If it had been a life threatening situation though he would have been there.

On a side note, my eye was injured, the doctor I saw said it was essentially bruised, and should be fine in a few days, he just said to put cold, clean washcloths on it every so often and take advil. If it got worse, he told me to come back and he’d give me drops and/or stronger NSAIDs.

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