(Closed) Would you still marry this guy?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@hummingbird2627:  

FYI, I would schedule a doctor’s appt. ASAP. With anaphylactic reactions (throat closing up, difficulty breathing, etc), you can sensitize yourself to the allergen and then repeated exposures can be worse. Hopefully they can prescribe you an epi-pen you can carry in case you have another similar experience.

Post # 48
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you aren’t even married yet, and are upset enough to go to an anonymous website and type—multiple times—” I don’t think i can have kids with this guy.”  Then you have answered your own question—DON’T marry him! 

 

 

Post # 50
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

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@cmbr:  Thank you, I was just typing the same thing!

Post # 51
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 You said “He works 30-35 minutes away” meaning he’s at work. Then say he works morning shift and was off work and he also told you you’ll be fine to wait 10 minutes to wait for the Benedryl to kick in. Which is it? Was he at work? Off work? You made it sound like you texted him and he didn’t communicate with you at all for 4 hours. The only thing you can complain about is he waited 4 hours . Could he possibly be smart enough to know Benedryl makes people sleepy and you’re sleeping? Lets say he could have called you in an hour after you took the meds so you’re not going to marry him, have kids because he called a few hours later. Ok, maybe he’s at fault for being insensitive but thats about all.

Post # 52
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@hummingbird2627:  It seems like you’re looking for a reason not to marry him. THIS isn’t it. When I text my Fiance and he doesn’t respond and I get mad (which I do all the time because he makes a point to not check his phone when he’s out) he says, “if you really needed me, you’d text more than once or you’d call.” If you dont trust that this guy really loves and cares about you then no, you shouldn’t marry him.

Post # 53
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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@hummingbird2627:  you took a Benedryl and were fine. I don’t think your life was in danger. Yes, I understand you were scared and would like his support. But it is up to you to ask for it if he doesn’t automatically offer it. DH would have no idea that I would want him to drop everything and rush home if I wasn’t feeling well since generally I want to be left the eff alone. 

Edited to say, I came off sounding like a jerk. I am not a doctor and your life could have been in danger, but if you felt that way you should have called an abulance and called Fiance to meet you at the hospital not just taken an OTC medicine. I am prone to overracting but I would rather overreact than wait too long to seek medical attention.

Either way, I think you may be looking for a reason to end things with this guy. If that is the way you feel, don’t look for an excuse. Just do it.

Post # 54
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@hummingbird2627:  Being upset is understanable….I just think your pointing it at something palpable…aka your Fiance.  Tell him how scared you were, he’ll get with the program…but take it easy will you?  Everything’s ok!

Post # 55
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

do you have these sorts of emergency needs often? my DH would laugh at me because I’m clumsy and always thinking I’m sick.  

I, too, think this has to be part of a larger issue.

Post # 56
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@hummingbird2627:  The whole thing just strikes me as so weird OP, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I expect a lot out of my partner, and give a lot in return. So, I really do understand why this is so devastating to you. I mean, really? Four hours??

I consider blatant lack of care equivalent to cheating. I understand other bees may not see it that way, but I certainly do. It doesn’t matter if you texted or called. It doesn’t even matter if it was a real reaction or a perceived one. What matters is he saw you were in distress, and he did not try to help you. I mean he wasn’t even at work!

I think you really need to examine what happened and talk about how much this has hurt you, and how much it has hurt your trust. Only you can decide if this relationship is worth it or not.

ETA: It never occurred to be that someone might not know how severe a peanut allergy is. Ignorance isn’t really an excuse, but I could understand how this might have affected his actions. That is, if he didn’t know about anaphylactic reactions.

Post # 57
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m going to agree with others that you should have called gasping and his responce probably would have been different. People are right, an e-mail and text doesn’t relay an emergency like a phone call, no one can hear the pain, urgency in words. Unless you type “Help, come home. i cant breathe”. You also told him what you were going to do and he thought you were able to take care of yourself. Everyone handles situations differently and just because you wanted him to react a certain way you should have told him.

If you’re thirsty ask for water, don’t expect someone to bring you a glass of water just because they see sweat on your forehead!!

Post # 58
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@nushka:  But he did see the texts, he was writing her back.

Post # 59
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe he is unaware of the severity of a peanut allergy.  Off topic but you should definatley go for testing.  Everytime you expose yourself to the allergen your reaction becomes more severe.  You may need an epipen.

Post # 60
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

This seems to me like a fairly minor incident. It’s hard to tell how important things are by text. If it was truly urgent then you would have called an ambulance, and called him. THEN I would have expected him to come to your side at once. But men sometimes think girls are drama queens and don’t see the urgency. For me, if I received a text from Fiance saying he was sick like this, I would text back telling him to be safe and call an ambulance if it got worse. However, I wouldn’t be so quick to call back later because I would worry that he was sleeping and that I might wake him. It could be something simple like that.

I suspect that this is not the real issue here, though. For you to be having second thoughts over this incident, I think that there are other things bothering you and that this latest incident is just the thing that tipped you over the edge! Think about what’s really wrong here…

Post # 61
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had something like this happen to me, but with an apple. I was going into shock, and my Fiance was 10 feet away. He asked me if I was okay, said I sounded funny (wheezing & gasping)… and continued reading his book. WTF Right?!?! Was my Fiance some cold hearted caveman? No, he’s just never been sick before in his life, other than the occaisional cold. And he has NO IDEA how dangerous allergies are so he doesn’t take them seriously, plus I have several health issues that are always flaring up – it could be anything. So he assumed this was a normal “Just Asi feeling a little sick again, will be back to norma soonl!”. And I usually do recover quickly, plus I hate being fussed over. But this time, I was seriously scared to die and started looking up hospital addresses & cabs and writing them down for him (we were on vacation). I had to tell him what to do incase the benadryl didn’t work, and I passed out. I also notified my parents by text. AT THAT POINT he started paying attention and taking it seriously. Until then, he had no idea it was a big deal.

So, your Fiance might not have known how grave the allergy was and might have assumed you were just being a hypocondriac. Is that cool?! NOOO!!! But, I think if you talk to him about it, he’ll learn and it will never happen again. My Fiance is the most caring & attentive guy I have ever known, but his unfamiliarity with anything medical has lead to more than one “amusing” incident! He’s learning fast though… He automatically asks whats in any dish when we go out to eat b/c I am allergic to lots of foods (sadly). He won’t even order anything I can’t eat so we can share. 🙂 If you love this guy and its not an overall symptom of him not caring about you in other areas, maybe you could give him the chance to learn.

 

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