(Closed) Would you still write Thank you notes if you didn't have to?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I no one expected one, would you still write Thank you notes?
    Yes : (69 votes)
    52 %
    No : (54 votes)
    41 %
    Sort of (explain) : (9 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I wouldn’t dream of not writing a thank you note. I write them for anything that is given to me, birthday, Christmas, just because, etc. Maybe that was just the way I was rasied. I also love pretty stationary.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I was brought up writing thank you notes for gifts of all sorts.  The first Christmas that Fiance and I received a present from his grandparents for the both of us (rather than one just for him), I wrote a thank you note and his grandmother was FLOORED.  She’d never received one from him before.  I just think it is a nice gesture for people who went out and bought something nice for you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I always write thank yous (for a birthday card/gift, hosting me for a weekend or dinner, etc). I do it because I want the giver to know that I appreciate them and their efforts, and to follow up (ie, “Thank you Aunt Margo for the lovely dinner and conversation. Please let me know how Uncle Bob’s speech goes!”). Also, I have a whole lot of monogrammed correspondence cards I need to use up before I get married and change my last name 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I think you need an option for “sort of” lol. I would definitely have wanted to write some regardless. Some people really put themselves out to travel here (like my grandma who stayed in a hotel for the first time in like… decades… for me) or gave us really particularly thoughtful gifts. But I probably wouldn’t have done it for everyone. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I definitely would. I think it is good manners to let someone know that you appreciate their presence at your wedding and the gift they gave. I’ve been to weddings where the bride didn’t send thank you notes and I thought it was in poor taste.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Honestly, no (I know that’s not the classy or popular opinion but whatever).  I’m writing them because it is what is expected of me, but personally, I think the in person thank yous should be enough.  Also, I’m the type to have people over to see the item they gifted me being used and I would thank them again at that time, but I know this isn’t enough so I will be sending formal thank yous.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I was not raised up to give thank you notes (I don’t think it is a part of Chinese culture), so if I knew it wasn’t expected I would not.  That being said, FI’s family is really big on etiquette so now I know that I have to 😉

    Post # 10
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee

    Where I live, thank you notes are not expected at all…so no I wouldn’t. 

    If there was someone special to thank, I would write an email or send a message. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ll be honest. If no one on this entire planet wrote Thank You notes, I probably wouldn’t. I’m in the middle of writing all of them out and it is much more tiresome than I expected since they have to be handwritten. Given the prevalence of computers and smartphones, I simply don’t handwrite this much anymore.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Honestly, I wouldn’t write thank you notes if it wasn’t expected. I like to thank people in person at the time, not a month after the fact. I feel thank you notes are impersonal, I would much prefer that someone came and gave me a hug and said thanks for a gift then sending a note.

    Post # 14
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    As many pp have mentioned, I grew up writing thank you notes for any/all gifts I receive, so it just makes sense to do it for the wedding, too. I also love nice paper/stationery and I love receiving mail. Imagine how nice it is for your guests to go to the mailbox and see a lovely, thoughtful card from their good friend Miss Toadstool! Worth the effort to make each and every one of your guests have a reason to smile about your wedding several weeks thereafter!

    Post # 15
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I definitely wouldn’t.  I’m actually kind of ready for this tradition to die.  And I think some of my dear friends take it too far.  For example, I once gave one of my friends a small gift for helping me move.  She wrote me a thank you note.  I was like, I don’t need a thank you note for a thank you gift.

    Another friend’s mother died very suddenly.  She was distraught (for obvious reasons) and never thought to write thank you notes for people who sent flowers.  Someone COMPLAINED to her about not getting a thank you note.  I wanted to kill them for upsetting my already upset friend.  Who sends flowers to a funeral and then expects a thank you note?  I don’t care if it’s tradition, I think it’s rude to require a person who just had a family member die suddenly, who now has to settle and estate, pay bills, organize a funeral, clean out a house, the list goes on and on….sit down and write out thank you cards to everyone that attended a funeral or sent flowers. 

    I absolutely think this is a stupid tradition. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Having said that, I will be sending thank you cards after the wedding.  But only because american society expects me to (fiance is Sri Lankan and they do not typically send thank you cards.  In fact, they also don’t send invitations to close family…his sister was almost offended that I sent one to her and her family).

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