(Closed) Would you take FSIL into consideration?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think so. Hopefully she is mature enough to realize you and your SO can decide to get engaged at any point and can decide on your date without consulting her. It’s none of her business. 

Post # 3
594 posts
Busy bee

robynrox47:  It’s no one’s business but your own when you get engaged – your engagement is not an imposition! 

Post # 4
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

robynrox47:  Nope! She’s not even engaged. You do what you want 🙂

Post # 5
612 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you should plan your timeline around hers. it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to plan your timeline around hers. If she were getting married in say, April, and you wanted to get engaged in April, I would advise against it. THAT would be deliberatly “outshining” her. Same goes for her, if she does that to yall, In My Humble Opinion. Yes, people may say you only get one or two days to be selfish and make it about you, but there are plenty of other opportunities in the year to do something like that. But neither of you have set plans, so that is not an issue.

If she is jealous, that is her own insecurities showing and she needs to work through them. Hopefully she is mature enough as an older sibling to realize this is how life and relationships work.


Post # 6
50 posts
Worker bee

I think if a person is mature enough to actually be getting married, they should be mature enough to deal with it if you get engaged first, as hard as it may be for them. You don’t know the intimate details of their relationship, and maybe it will never happen. Do you really want to wait around for that? 

Post # 7
224 posts
Helper bee

robynrox47:  No I would  not take her into consideration. She should be mature enough to not be bothered by it and if she is, she should be mature enough not to show. Enjoy ur engagement 🙂

Post # 8
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

you are under no obligation to take her and her timeline into consideration, especially when you get engaged. that being said, personally i would get engaged without consulting with her and then maybe discuss actual dates with her. but again, thats a personal choice and something you can do, if you want, as a courtesy but not because you have to. 

Post # 9
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

robynrox47:  Short answer: no.

The only thing to take into consideration is the timing of the weddings. You don’t want them too close due to relatives who need to travel to both. I’d say in most families, “too close” is less than about 3 months. And since no one has booked a wedding date yet, that is all hypothetical at the moment.

But the engagement – no, do it when you’re ready. There are always life events happening. Delaying an engagement for someone else is silly. I know a brother and sister who got engaged within a couple of weeks of each other (and married a few months apart), no problem.

Post # 10
65 posts
Worker bee

My and my sister got engaged in the same week by some crazy coicidence of planning on the behalf of our SOs. Both of us knew a proposal was coming soon, but neither of us knew it would be that week. My Fiance wanted to propose on our anniversary, and her Fiance wanted to propose before he moved overseas – just happened to work out that both were in the same week.

This hasn’t caused any conflict for us. We are both mature enough to be happy for each other 🙂

Post # 11
5957 posts
Bee Keeper

robynrox47:  I don’t see why you can’t get engage and pick a date, she’s been waffling back and forth on whether or not they are engaged and a time frame and nothing has happened.  It’s nearly the end of the year, I say, if your SO wants to ask you to be his wife so be it.  This is not a competition, but it sounds like her SO is waiting for something.  If your SO has the means to buy the ring and propose to you by October, allow him to do that.  Does he have a time frame on when he wants to get married?  when my husband and I were talking, he wanted to get married by at least the end of the year, I wanted to get married sooner, to which we did (because a friend would be in town to stand at our wedding, Justice of the Peace) and we got married in May.

I would talk to your SO and see what he thinks about his sister’s feelings and what would happen if you got engaged first.

Post # 12
8693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with PPs that you don’t need to take her timeline into consideration, BUT I do think that if both of you end up engaged and planning at the same time, you will obviously have to make sure your dates make sense. Since many of the same family members will be attending both weddings, you should space them out as necessary to accomodate them/any travel that they’ll have to do. So some coordination will be needed there. But other than that, you should plan to your heart’s content and do what makes you happy.

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