(Closed) Would you take offense to my comments?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No, i wouldnt take offense.  It sounds like she’s kind of clueless and has a lot of research to do!!  I think it’s good you are asking her some questions – will hopefully get her thinking (and booking!)

Post # 4
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sounds like she’s the dreamer and you’re the realist! I’m more of a realist myself, so I don’t see a problem with your comments – as long as you encourage her in other ways too…I dunno, sometimes it’s nice to just have someone say “that sounds amazing!” instead of telling you that it can’t happen.  You might want her to just draw her own conclusions on whether or not her dream is real.

But I lol’d at the Cuba thing being unique and out there…as a Canadian we don’t consider Cuba unique…moreso that it’s a cheap getaway with bad food! lol

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you’re just telling her how it is.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think I would be offended but she seems like a naive young girl who is dreaming. I just don’t know if you should be the one to crush her dreams, maybe steer her in a direction to figure it out herself. For example if she said she wants to go to Fiji I would say “that’s awesome, hopefully you can find some great deals because I’ve heard it’s expensive”.

Even though I know you mean well I did read a negative tone in that conversation. Offer to help and then when she realizes things on her own after doing research then you can swoop in and be the hero with a plan B.

Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

I think it’s fine. I do notice people tend to take a criticism better if you put a positive in there and spin the negative like roxy821‘s example. I’m a pragmatist myself, and I have to be careful I don’t crush dreams when I chat with people. 😉

Post # 8
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i just wouldn’t talk to her about weddings.  i’d get sick of being the bearer of bad (albeit, realistic) news.

Post # 9
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think your saying anything wrong, shes just not thinking about it realistically and you are. Its not your fault she hasn’t done research if you feel that bad though maybe just smile and say “thats nice” and let her figure it out later on her own.

Post # 10
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i love the “oh, we’ll just go to fiji comment”.

yeah, babe, those overwater bungalows are dirt cheap.

Post # 11
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@roxy821: this!  Great advice.  

 

@mkewed2010: If you are feeling like a downer for her, perhaps ask her if she’d like any help doing ‘x’ or researching ‘x’ and see what she says.  If she takes you up on it, then great – if she isn’t ready or doesn’t want help, then leave her be and just listen to her when she tells you things and be excited for her process. 

I thought I had a pretty realistic view of what things costs and then had to make adjustments as I proceeded with planning as I things were way more expensive than I anitcipated.  figuring that out will be part of her wedding planning experience and if you are starting to feel bad about being the bearer of bad news, maybe you need to let her figure that out on her own.

Post # 12
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@mkewed2010: Does FCIL mean Future Child In Law or what? I’m so confused.

I don’t think it’s offensive. But instead of talking about money you could just say, “Aw I really want to go there!” Or if it can be perceived as negative, just don’t talk about yourself in that situation. Just say, “That’s great! Have you researched it at all yet?”

Post # 15
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think what you are saying is fine – you’re simply being realistic.  But spinning the comments more like roxy821 said wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

Post # 16
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I thought it was future child in law. And when I read it I thought you were trying to sort of tell her the hard truth since you were marrying her father or something like that. But future cousin, no way! Stay positive and let her figure it out all on her own.

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