Would you tell?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you tell him?
    Yes he deserves to know : (35 votes)
    29 %
    Yes but tell him anonymously : (42 votes)
    35 %
    No it's not your business : (38 votes)
    31 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    2341 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    View original reply
    WannaBeeAnonaBee :  As messed up as it is, and as tempting as it would be to tell her fiance I would stay out of it. 

    My best friend is having an affair, she’s married. I don’t agree with it but I would never tell her husband, that’s not my place. I encourage her to stop, but that’s the extent of how involved I will get.

    Post # 3
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I don’t think this is your business, but I also don’t see how you can be in her wedding knowing this.  I would only attend or be in a wedding if I fully supported the marriage, and I could not do that in good conscience, knowing he’s being betrayed.

    Whatever you do, do not tell him anonymously, to me that’s pretty cruel.

    Post # 4
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I would absolutely tell. I would be livid if people knew my husband was cheating and didn’t tell me. It would be MY choice if I wanted to work it out or not, but purposely withholding that choice is shitty imo. I wouldn’t want to be friends with a cheater, and I certainly wouldn’t want to protect them by keeping that secret. 

    Post # 5
    1961 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Part of me wants to say stay out of it. 

    But if a friend knew my now husband was cheating me before the wedding and never said anything I  would be so upset. 

    Post # 6
    400 posts
    Helper bee

    I would stay out of it. You have no idea what he knows. 

    Post # 7
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    I agree with PP that if people knew I was being cheated on and said nothing — especially BEFORE the wedding! — I would be devastated and livid!! I would probably encourage her to tell him. And by encourage I mean practically force her to. I’d probably pull a “either you tell him or I will” situation. The man deserves to know. He’s about to commit his life to a person who is in another relationship!! That’s so messed up. I don’t even know if I could keep my friendship if my best friend was doing this. I might drop her altogether. In which case I’d just tell him directly what was happening. 

    Post # 9
    210 posts
    Helper bee

    The one choice I know I would make immediately is to not participate in the wedding in anyway, and as painful as it may be, I would step away from my friendship, at least for the time being.  

    Post # 10
    2447 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If you tell the husband, your friend will probably consider this friendship over. Are you prepared for that?


    I would sit down your friend and tell her what she’s doing is awful and you resent that she has made you an unwilling accomplice. Tell her you don’t want to know anymore what she’s doing, and if her fiance asks you point blank what’s going on, you are not going to lie to his face.


    ETA: I’d say something like, Buffy, you’ve put me in an absolutely awful position and I don’t think this is something friends do. In order to be loyal to you, I have to either evade or outright lie to someone I care about and that’s not fair.


    If Biff asks me again what’s going on with you, I won’t tell him about the other man, but I will tell him he needs to talk to you and I won’t cover for you. If he asks me if you’re seeing this man, all I am willing to say is he needs to talk to you. I won’t say that you’re not, and I won’t say I don’t know. My refusal to answer will likely give you away, but I don’t think it was fair what you expected of me.

    Post # 11
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

    Honestly, I would tell him and drop the friend. I could never stay friends with someone like that, and I would always feel guilty that I let that continue on.

    It’s gonna blow up in both of their faces eventually, it’s better for everyone if it happens before the wedding.

    Post # 12
    6800 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    WannaBeeAnonaBee :  because in that situation I would want to know, yes I would tell, but probably anonymously. I’d also step down, even if they go through with it. I would never stand in support of a marriage where one partner behaved like that. She would not have my friendship any longer unless she had a ‘come to jesus’ With herself about that behavior. 

    Post # 14
    990 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    God, how horrible! I knew of an affair before and it’s awful knowledge to bear. In this case, I would encourage my friend to decide right away as you can’t stand beside her on their day with the lie. It would be one thing in a way if they were already married. In that sense I can see being a bit more distant, but they aren’t married yet. It seems really awful that he could blindly enter this unfaithful marriage. I think you should push your friend to tell, and then maybe tip him off anonymously if she refuses and you don’t feel comfortable telling him yourself.

    Post # 15
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    I would absolutely, 10000%, stay the heck out of it. Not your circus, not your monkeys. BUT as a PP said-I would definitely step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. And I would be honest with my best friend about why. 

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