(Closed) Would you tell a friend that ex-friend may have given them an STD?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?
    I would tell them immediately : (20 votes)
    37 %
    It's not my place to say, I'd stay out of it : (24 votes)
    44 %
    I'd announce that she has it to the group so they're aware without being outed : (1 votes)
    2 %
    I'd subtly inquire to find out whether they already know before getting involved. : (6 votes)
    11 %
    Other : (3 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Hmm. Can you talk to each brother privately so that brother1 doesn’t need to find out about them? maybe instead of asking them if they know, just briefly inform each one and then let them ask you if they want more info. I think it would be pretty awful to announce it to a group of people, even if she isn’t your friend anymore. 

    Post # 5
    8681 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I would find a way to anonymously let them know. An unsigned letter encourgaing them to go get tested. 

    Post # 6
    708 posts
    Busy bee

    If she were as safe as she claims, she would have her partners get tested before any sexual contact and known who could have exposed her to Save-The-Date Cards (which, if she truly was only with these two guys before her positive test, is probably one of them).

    That said, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to get involved. These are sexually-active adults who are reponsible for their own health and choices.

    Edit: In the instance of HPV, that it’s not routinely tested for in men is reason to be wary that you’re potentially exposing yourself with unprotected sex.

    Post # 7
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Id stay out of it

    Post # 8
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would tell them. What’s wrong with calling?

    Post # 10
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @j_jaye:  +1

    @HonoraryNerd:  Send an anonymous email or letter to each of them individually.  In nursing school I learned that there are websites designed to help people anonymously warn their past partners about their STD status.  Telling others that they should be tested is truly in the best interest of public health, as people who are not tested generally then unknowingly spread the disease to their future partners.  It’s an ugly cycle.  Do not embarrass your ex-friend or state her name.  Stay out of that side of the personal issues completely.  Simply send each man a separate message warning him that he may have been exposed to HPV from a past partner and that he should seek medical assessment.

    Here is one such site: http://www.dontspreadit.com

    Post # 11
    5955 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    To me it doesn’t sound like you are good enough friends with any of these people to get involved.  You said that you don’t know when you’d see either of them.  And by all means, do not announce this to the “group.”

    If you don’t feel comfortable with not telling them, then I’d suggest sedning them each a seperate email that tells them that someone you belive they selpt with in the past confided in you that they were diagnosed with HPV, you were under the impression that they hadn’t been told, and you wanted to recomend they get tested.  There is no need to name names.  They will probably know who your talking about.  

    Post # 14
    805 posts
    Busy bee

    Oh man, that’s really difficult! I would do as other posters have said and send them an alert through an anonymous website – that way you don’t get any fallout from being the messenger and they have at least been alerted.

    Post # 15
    3150 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @HonoraryNerd:  something like 80% of people have strains of hpv. I have never heard of my friends that have it mentioning to past partners. I think you should mind your own business, personally. 

    Post # 16
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s HPV not aids. The majority of sexually active people will have hpv at some point and most will never know it. Its not your place to out her when she confided in you.

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