(Closed) Would you tell her to step-off?? ..(kind of long but need advice please!!)

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you see yourself spending time with C after the wedding and continuing to be friends, don’t ask her to step down. She might have some issues that are taking precedence over your wedding.  Or she might be bad at prioritizing.  Clearly she doesn’t understand RSVP etiquette, so who knows really?

If you don’t think you will have much of a friendship after the wedding, ask her to step down now.

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

If she hasn’t bought the dress, I’d cut her, or reimburse her for the cost of her dress.  It’s so weird they just dropped off like that.

Post # 8
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m an advocate of honest, direct communication, which it seems you are too.  I’d ask her to meet up face to face and just lay it all out….  you noticed she’s been distanced, you’re unsure why, you’re concerned about your friendship…make sure that stuff is the forefront.  Hopefully she’ll be able to give you some answers and if that will lead to a conversation about if she is really interested in being in your wedding party.  I would advise against initially making the convo about the wedding…but definitely try to steer toward it to get some answers.  

Post # 9
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rubybride718:  I have to agree with Ruby on this one. 

A face-to-face conversation is the best course of action, get her side of the story, let her know how you feel and how it seems she is ditching you guys and your wedding, but reason with her that you understand that life happens it would be nice though if she kept you in the loop. 

I am all about being direct and to the point, my FI says that can be a down fall of mine since I don’t always cushion the blow. For you though, I think you two as women need to clear the air because something seems to be wrong in this situation between you two. Maybe something has been going on in her life that is very personal and private and she hasn’t had the heart to tell you yet since your friendship is still new? 

Maybe she wants to drop out the wedding party but doesn’t know how to tell you either so maybe that is why she is neglecting her duties as a BM. In the end I think you should flat out ask her, “Do you want to drop out of the wedding party?” Let her know that you understand if she does want to quit. If she gets upset at any point in the conversation ask her why she is getting annoyed with you, usually that can calm people down when they are confronted with their emotions. 

For me though I would politely ask her to step down after I got her story on why she has been neglecting me and the wedding. I would sympathize with her being busy (if she even is) and just say, “I don’t want to be added stress to your life right now, and my wedding planning is moving so fast I don’t want to bombared you with a whole bunch of phone calls and texts of the updates of the wedding, plus there will be times that I am going to need my whole bridal party with me while we make plans and I need to know that I can count on you, but at the same time if you’re so busy it would be unfair of me to take you away from your life. So why not come to my wedding as a guest? Your precense there would still mean a lot me.” Sometimes it is not easy, and you might get some back lash no matter what you say, but if she is a reasonable person hopefully she’ll understand. If she is going to make a fight out this there is nothing you can do other then damage control and keep yourself calm.

 

I am sorry you have to go through this, it isn’t easy but in the end I think your family is right, and I think that you know it too now it is just time for the hard part and asking her to step down. I would reherse what you want to say to her, try to look at each outcome and possiblity of how the conversation might go, so you can be well prepared and in control of this situation and it will help you remain calm if anything bad does happen. 

Don’t get me wrong, if she is busy with her life there is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes life can get so over whelming that maybe she doesn’t know how to tell you she cannot be commited and is just feeling as if she is drowning in a sea of commitments and responcibilities, maybe she does really need this talk. 

Post # 12
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@FutureMuniz:  Yeah, this BM is giving you way too many red flags. Ultimately this is not fair to you as the bride to have to stress over a BM and be left wondering why she isn’t participating in your wedding like everyone else is doing. Plus, it isn’t fair to your mom and your aunt and everyone else in the wedding party if she is not helping. What really puts a sting on this is that she won’t even text, or communicate to anyone in the bridal party and that is very frustrating. She is taking the fun out of planning your bridal shower and your wedding, she needs to be talked to. 

This does suck, I am sorry you have to deal with this! Once this is over have your FI give you a back massage, LOL! No matter what happens after talking with this girl go back to enjoying planning your wedding, don’t let her take away any of your happiness. 

Post # 14
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

You could also message her and say that since you haven’t heard anything, you’re assuming she’s resigned, and to please let you know if that’s not the case. She may be looking for an out.

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