(Closed) Would you tell his wife?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you email the wife?
    Heck Yes : (143 votes)
    72 %
    No. That's just mean. She'll figure it out. : (56 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 46
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    daisyb214:  I’d want to know, you’d want to know, most women would want to know. She deserved to know. It’ll be worse if she finds out after a few years than it would now. Seriously, you’ll be saving her some major trouble – what if they have kids and then she finds out?

    Also, the “they might be in an open relationship!” some people give is not a reason not to tell her. If they’re in an open relationship, guess what? No harm, no foul! She’s not going to care that you tell her, whoopee! Win win.

    The other one I’m sure you’ll get is the “it’s none of your business!” which is equally silly because this douche canoe very directly made it your business when he propositioned you for sex.

    At the very least just give her the information anonymously, and then from there the ball is in her court, and you’ve done your due diligence. 

    Post # 47
    282 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    jackie86:  Yeah if you do tell her tell her anonymously 

    Post # 48
    1082 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would send screenshots anonymously, and write that you don’t want to hurt her but would want to know if you were her, do with it what you will. 

    Post # 49
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Instead of inviting a world of drama into your life, why don’t you just meet up with him in public and tell him what an ass he’s being? Sometimes people just need to get some sense knocked into them. 

    Post # 50
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    daisyb214:  I would ABSOLUTELY want to know.  She’s only been married for 73 days, and if he’s already looking for a hook-up then he’s not really invested in the marraige and she deserves to know who her husband is.  You have concrete evidence and a long history with this guy – without one of those items I’d say tread carefully, but this isn’t a rumor or a potentially misunderstood text message, his intentions are clear and she has a right to know what they are. 

    Post # 51
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Everdeen:  seriously?  I’ve been cheated on.  I was NOT abused.  That’s totally ridiculous.  Irresponsible in fact to throw that term around over a text message asking to meet up.  If you want to talk about what’s wrong with this world I’d say yelling abuse over a text message invitation to meet up is a much bigger problem.  

    It is disappointing that not meddling in other peoples business & relationships & private matters is of zero value anymore.

    Post # 52
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    So much appalling advice. 

    He is no longer part of your life. You are no longer part of his life. Stay that way! Tell him no thanks and moooove on. Seriously. The last thing you want to is to get dragged into this. You think she is going to act grateful for this information? MAYBE, down the road. This is THEIR issue. Keep living your life. 

    Post # 53
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    Sure, you could tell her, but prepared to be publicly disparaged by him.  I’d cut off all social media contacts with him first so she/he can’t trace you. 

    I personally wouldn’t tell her if I were in your shoes, simply because you had a history with him. 

    Honestly, this whole cheating business and what’s right or wrong is sort of ironic to me.  Technically you were enabling his cheating a long time ago when you knew he had a girlfriend and now you feel you have a moral obligation to tell his wife.  Stop browsing his online wedding photos and move on with your life.  He will lie in the bed he made one day. 


    Post # 54
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I would just forward the texts and emails etc to her as anonymously as possible, along with a few words which are as polite and neutral as you can manage. She’s a big girl and she can take it from there.

    Once you’ve done that, I’d just stand well back and avoid them both as much as you can. Let them sort their own mess out. Block, change phone number, and avoid.

    And hey… if they are in an open relationship, no harm has been done, right? Doubtless they will just laugh it off and move on. If she doesn’t believe you, that’s her call… but at least you tried. Besides, what have you got to lose? It’s not like you will lose a friendship or a job over this, right?

    Post # 56
    836 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d send her a letter asking her if she truly trusts her man? Because he has been sending explicit and innapropriate messages. That he has intentions to cheat on his wife and will if given the opportunity. She can do with that information what she will, but you won’t have to sleep with a heavy conscience. 

    Post # 57
    4231 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

    To be honest, I wouldn’t tell her. It’s not my business. I would however block him and threaten to tell his wife if he EVER contacted you again.

    Post # 58
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If I was her id want to know, but id also have a lot of questions and if someone told me this anonymously then cut all ties I would be extremely upset. She will question her husband and he will probably deny it, if you sever all ties she will probably be in absolute hell trying to work out if he’s telling the truth or if this ‘anonymous’ source is in fact that truthful party. if you want to tell her then be prepared answer her questions – I actually think it’s a d**k move to throw this out there then just disappear into the abyss.

    If you’re not up for this then don’t tell. If you’re going to tell her then do it properly. 

    Post # 59
    39 posts

    This they may have an open relationship is BS. I’ve dated guys who are in open marriages and their wife is aware of what’s going on and I’m informed upfront. They, more than likely, are not in an open relationship. I dated a guy who cheated on me all the time and I got an infection, something that could be cleared up, and I wish someone had told me-what if he sleeps with someone and contracts something. If she doesn’t believe you and continues to stay with him, she can suffer the consequences of her decision. But I don’t think it’s fair for him to lay around and her be unknowing and then suffer the consequences of his actions with no say. TELL HER!

    Post # 60
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee

    Id leave it alone seriously, dont tell her and dont hook up with him.  His true colors will come out sooner or later be it months, days, or years.  Let it happen on its own without you stirring the sh*t pot. 


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