Would you tell or keep quiet?

posted 1 month ago in Beehive
Post # 166
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Let’s not pretend that men are the only ones that cheat and that girl code doesn’t exist. Plenty of women keep their friends secrets.

Plenty of women don’t go telling their best friends boyfriend she is still in love with her ex, randomly texts some guy or that she hooked up with someone when she was drunk. “Becky, I don’t agree with it, you need to break up with him, but I’m not going to judge your life.” 

Post # 167
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

elodie2019 :  Is that what you do or have done in the past? Enabled a friend’s cheating and by not telling the SO, effectively helping her carry on?

Post # 168
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

elodie2019 :  No one said women shouldn’t be just as honest and upfront as the men. Women should also not have a girl code that is designed to hide cheating and immoral behavior. And i have NEVER had a girlfriend who did that so I never had to decide if I was going to cover up for her or not. 

I also don’t get the point of your comment. It comes pretty close to saying, well women do it, so lets not be so hard on the men? I really really dislike that mentality. Doing the right thing in one situation isn’t invalidated just because there are other shitty situations going on unchecked. Doing the right thing doesn’t come with a check list of, ” You don’t have to do the right thing if you can point at a situation that is just as bad or worse where no one is saying anything” That isn’t how doing the right thing works.

You do the right thing in spite of what others are doing. You never measure how to do the right thing by what other groups of people are choosing to do. 

Post # 169
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

I would. I have. My OWN best friend was cheating with a plethora of men for 8 years. And in hers and her fiancees bed.

I sat there and shut my mouth for that long. Until she got caught and threw me under the bus and blamed me. “She told me to make out with this guy”. No I didn’t, honey. I wasn’t even there when you did the deed… and it was more than making out… I showed up after the fact and she was locked up in their bedroom with the dude. 

But once her fiancee heard her say it was my fault even HE knew that is not possible because he knew me well enough. I told him the truth. To this day he thanks me. Called off the elopment and has since remarried. Did I mention she had stds doing this? And I don’t even know if he knew while with her. 

It may not be YOUR relationship but I am sure you share morals and friendshipd enough with these ladies to tell. Their health mentally and physically, and their future, are at risk. I would want to know. 

Also your partner is friends with these men. You are who you hang out with. So he needs to end his friendship with these trashy men. Exactly what I needed to do because my ex best friend made me look bad too. 

Post # 170
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

I know a lot of people are in the side of stay out of it but I would absolutely tell them. I would be devastated if I found out someone knew my partner cheated and never told me. They deserve to know. 

Post # 172
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

chocco :  Does your FH know you have made your mind up to tell these ladies? This is about his friendships too and you should check with him if he’s fine that you go ahead.

Post # 173
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

saturnian :  it’s not up to him. They are individuals  He makes his own decisions,  she makes hers….

Post # 174
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

mrstodd2bee :  He told her about his friends’ cheating in confidence. It could put him in a very embarrassing and awkward position with his friends once they know that the women found out because he told OP.

Post # 175
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

saturnian :  I get what you’re saying but if he chooses to hang with cheating types then that’s on him….maybe those friendships need to be severed. The womens health is at stake from these cheaters.  I would tell them too…

Post # 176
Member
6782 posts
Busy Beekeeper

saturnian :  Why do you care more about this man losing some loser cheating friends, rather than the women who’ve been cheated on and have no idea?

eta – also considering the men discussed it with multiple people around, its not like the cheaters told OPs Fiance in private. 

Post # 178
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

chocco :  What about the other girl who you don’t know well? Did you reach out?

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