Would you tell or keep quiet?

posted 1 month ago in Beehive
Post # 16
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

what does your SO say does he think the wifes should know ? I think thats a big indicator here for you on a separate note TBH 

 

i think you and you SO should decide together if you want to continue these friendships with men who cheat on their wives ? no thanks for me anyways 

if you tell and you SO isnt on board this could also be bad for you but again … why would he think that the woman should not no 

 

i think maybe you did say that they were trying to convince him to tell … but still most of the above

 

good luck !!!

Post # 18
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

I would tell, because I would want to know if I were in her shoes. I don’t think my conscience would allow me to keep it secret knowing she was going to marry this liar and cheater.

Post # 20
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

chocco :  a question for you to assist in your decision-making process: how would you feel about yourself allowing this girl to marry the man that cheated on her, when you knew full well that she has no way of knowing? personally, I my conscience would eat me alive if I were in your shoes. I’d have to tell. you can do it anonymously, since the guy admitted it to multiple people it seems. for all he will know, one of the strippers could’ve sought out his fiancé and told out of guilt. 

Post # 22
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

happiekrappie :  Who said anything about strippers?

The internalized misogyny always comes out in these posts.

Post # 24
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

I would tell. It’s nlt fair to the women. As women we should fix each other’s crowns. Only thing I would worry about is how it would affect your SO relationship with these guys so maybe I would do it in a way it does not implicate me. I would find a way to tell though. 

Post # 25
Member
483 posts
Helper bee

It’s not your business no, but shit I would want to know if something like that happened. 

Post # 26
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

These cheated-on women need to be tested for stds. I’d want to know, if it were me–wouldn’t you?

“If you don’t tell her, I will” sounds like the best way to go. But even an anonymous letter might get her to a doctor.

Post # 27
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

I’d rather “stick my nose in someone else’s business” than watch someone unwittingly marry a dishonest, disloyal, reckless person, which could potentially RUIN THEIR LIFE. This isn’t a “he lit up a cig with the boys when I know his partner doesn’t like smoking” sort of thing…cheating is serious, and a threat to health. She deserves to know. Letting him get away with it would be enabling scumbag behavior. 

I second PP who suggest “You tell her, or I will”. It’s best to come from him but he doesn’t get a free pass by being a coward

Post # 28
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

chocco :  I mean look one guy admitted to a bunch of guys that he cheated and the other guys also clearly saw what the other guys did. You are not the only one who knows, and you can use that to your advantage. You can tell these girls anonymously and they guys won’t know where it came from. Create an anonymous email and email them. Send them anonymous letters from a post office in a different town that is within driving distance of everyone (to make it so it can’t be traced back to you). You could also do the “you tell her or I will” thing if you don’t want to be anonymous. Etc.

If it were me, I would want to know. Otherwise, they are marrying that guy under false advertising. Plus, it’s also about health, these women need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

And the worst thing that happens is that the women make a choice to ignore this/not believe what their fiance’s did. Do you really want to be hanging around with people who cheat? Who you surround yourselves with and what you tolerate (even within a friend group) says a lot about you.

Post # 29
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee

glitterati :  how the hell is anything I said reflective of internalized misogyny? excuse the hell out of me for making an error in assumption when SO MANY bachelor-party related posts involve strippers. the OP references a stag-do and I clearly misunderstood the logistics of the groom’s cheating. 

i couldn’t help myself making an assumption. I have so much internalized hatred for all women and they MUST BE SHAMED 🙄

either way, my original suggestion to anonymously report the occurrence. at least that way you can know you got it off your chest, regardless of how she chooses to proceed afterwards.

Post # 30
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m team “tell”. I can understand the mentality some people have of “their relationship isn’t your business”, but my question to those people is if they can honestly say that they wouldn’t want to be told if they were in these womens’ shoes… and I think the answer is “no, if want to know”! I know it would be for me.

As for how to do it, it depends on whether you wanna do it anonymously or not. Letter or fake email could work in that case, otherwise I’d try and talk to them in person.

Even if you don’t want to 100% spill all the details, I think maybe something as simple as “You really need to ask X about what happened at the bachelor party, because I don’t think you know the whole story” would be a way to push them in the right direction toward finding the truth? 

I am no expert in this by any means, just what my gut is telling me. I think you need to let your conscience be your guide here, and it sounds like you are leaning toward telling.

Good luck, Bee!

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