Would you tell or keep quiet?

posted 4 months ago in Beehive
Post # 317
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

saturnian :  Perhaps her fiancé doesn’t want such men, who not only cheated but also refused to be honest with their SOs, to be his friends. 

Post # 318
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

saturnian :  “What about your fiance’s friendships?”

What ABOUT them? The point you’re trying to make is moot. OP’s fiance agreed with her that the women should be told about all of this, so her fiance was evidently fine about losing his friendships. 

Post # 319
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

tobeeeornottobeee :  Exactly! Who cares if the cheating friends don’t want to be friends with him? Maybe he doesn’t want to be their friend anyway. 

Post # 320
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

My point is about the entire group of friends, not just the ones who cheated. If they find out it was OP and her fiance going around telling the partners when it was none of their business, they might distance themselves from her fiance, too. 

Post # 321
Member
740 posts
Busy bee

saturnian :  I’m sure that’s something the two of them considered before making the joint decision to tell the truth to these women.

Post # 322
Member
926 posts
Busy bee

saturnian :  why on earth would anyone want to be friends with people like that? Also, Fiance’s friends told him they had cheated, so it wasn’t really none of his business anymore. If the rest of the group feels like he’s the one who made the mistake in this scenario then, I dont really know what to tell you – sometimes the trash takes itself out I guess!

Post # 323
Member
709 posts
Busy bee

saturnian :  Do you think her FI is so dumb he wouldn’t have thought of that before making the decision to tell the girlfriends?

Post # 324
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

saturnian :  I am 100% sure if you were being cheated on or one of your friends was you would have a very different point of view… but until then. honestly go away.

 

Post # 325
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

chocco :  You did the right thing. I am so glad you told them, even knowing the fallout and the consequences. 

Post # 326
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

saturnian :  Or his real friends they may think of him and an honest, upstanding guy who has a strong moral code and believe he would be a good person to get to know better and have in their lives.

Post # 327
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

desiderata :  I agree with that 100%. They say you want to surround your marriage with people who support it and help you uphold it. Hanging around with other couples who cheat on each other doesn’t help your marriage stay strong. I want friends that help me uphold my values and that I know would call me out on inappropriate behavior. 

I feel incredibly sad for a woman who thinks calling out bad behavior in others as “snitching” because that is basically what saturnian :  is saying. That is a sad way to view the world, that everyone else is the bad guy for calling out the actual person for doing bad things. Wouldn’t be suprised if they are also anti cop, anti laws etc. It is everyone’s fault but theirs. 

Post # 328
Member
3247 posts
Sugar bee

mrsssb :  Exactly. Keeping people accountable for their actions and upholding a set of standards for those around you is not a negative or bad thing. 

And I’m afraid this is part of what’s wrong in the world. Can’t tell anyone what they’re doing is unacceptable. Everything must be accepted, tolerated and even celebrated. Yeah, no thanks. 

Post # 329
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

MsPlucky :  “Everything must be accepted, tolerated and even celebrated.”

Heh, that’s a typically reductionist, overgenerlized perspective. What people are today saying should be accepted are things that have so long been considered wrong but are now being recognized as perfectly fine, such as homosexuality. New movements in human rights are beginning to call out people for not accepting what is, in fact, perfectly acceptable.

On the flipside, now there are [more] movements that push back against shit that’s been tolerated or accepted (a wanton disregard for the environment, perhaps) that should never have been tolerated because they’re disgusting. So just as often as people are saying that certain things should be accepted, they’re saying that other things should not be accepted anymore. 

Post # 330
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

 So true. If your friends drop you for something like this, they are no friends frankly. 

charlie057 :  

Post # 331
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

desiderata :  People expect others to appreciate, even applaud, their honesty but that is not what necessarily happens in real life, and especially not when you interfere in other people’s lives. 

Those guys told OP’s fiance. I doubt anyone wanted others to know through him. The other guys in the circle will most likely think twice before they share anything with him from here on.

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