Would you tell or keep quiet?

posted 2 months ago in Beehive
Post # 47
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Cheating during bachelor parties is probably a lot more common than people think, although it’s more likely to happen when men go to strip clubs and have lap dances. No wonder someone on the previous page assumed strippers were involved.

You should tell these women, or your fiance should. You said he agrees they should know, and thus he should have no problem telling these women.

Post # 48
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

happiekrappie :  I completely agree with you, but I also think that OP’s fiance needs to stand by his morals and be ready to cut these guys out. If he isn’t willing to do that that means he values his own social interactions over doing the right thing, which would be a dealbreaker for me. But of course, I’m not OP.

I do think that finding an anonymous way to tell the women what ALL the guys know wouldn’t necessarily point at OP’s fiance, and I wouldn’t be opposed to that. 

Post # 49
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’m saying it’s a possibility. A man who truly loves a woman, who knows what he has, is grateful, and really cares about her well being doesn’t cheat on her. 

Call me crazy but I want to marry a man who is well aware of my worth and cherishes me enough to never want to cheat on me. If he doesn’t love me enough to not cheat than he should go find a woman he does love enough to not cheat on her. 

Cheating indicates that a relationship isn’t a good fit. 

 

tobeeeornottobeee :  

Post # 50
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Wow what a shitty friend. He feels it was a mistake and doesn’t want her to leave him over it? That right there shows what an asshole he is. He believes that it’s his call. He is saying he for some reason deserves to keep it from her because he doesn’t want her to be able to make the decision to leave him or not. That’s sick. It’s not up to him to label it a mistake or not. It’s not up to him to say he selfishly doesn’t want her to leave so he plans to take that choice away from her. She deserve to make her own choice to stay or not. He doesn’t get to decide for her. 

Him saying that would have clinched it for me right then and there to tell her. Fuck that guy. 

 

chocco :  

Post # 51
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

chocco :  I would stay out of it. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend told you something in confidence and it could compromise your relationship with him and the relationship he has with his friends if you were to get involved.

Post # 52
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee

Tell. They need to know.

Post # 53
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

chocco :  so then you have three options: 1 fiance gives his friends ultimatums to tell the girls or he will;

2 don’t give the friends a chance and just go tell the girls yourselves, or

3 stay silent. 

What are you leaning towards right now?

Post # 54
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

chocco :  You should tell them. These sleazebags think they can go sleep with others and the girlfriends should remain clueless? If they want to sleep with a load of women, they should have stayed single! 

Post # 55
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

chitownyogini :  He shouldn’t want to remain friends with these sleazy guys anyway.

Post # 56
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I would tell her. This goes beyond the act of cheating and into the possibility of harming her health. If he isn’t going to tell her, someone needs to tell her so that she can protect her health going forward, and get herself checked ASAP. 

Post # 58
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would stay out of it. Your fiancé told you in confidence. Although he has encouraged them to tell the truth he can’t force them. As adults our friends make decisions we don’t agree with and as his significant other you either decide to keep what he told you confidential or you don’t and this will all blow up and he will stop telling you his friends secrets.

 

Post # 59
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

chocco :  your fiance should tell both guys that they should tell their SO’s and if they don’t, he will.  Then follow through if neccessary.  He’s the one that was out with them and saw what happened.  Its what i would expect my husband to do, as a man of integrity. 

Post # 60
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Keep in mind this may not go at all as you plan. I have two friends who have significant others who have cheated on them. One said, it was none of her business what he did and was angry people were talking about them and their relationship. The other said it didn’t matter if he had cheated on her she wouldn’t ask him because it didn’t matter and completely cut out the friend who told her. She said he was her family and she would always side with him no matter what. They loved them and their life together and we’re not going to uproot their lives. 

If the couples stay together they will likely never speak to either of you again and you’ll lose the friend group. If FH makes his friends tell he will likely lose them as friends. If you tell the girls may still hate you for telling them and destroying their relationships, the guys will feel the same way. It’s weird how it works but I’ve never seen telling end well for the well meaning friend. 

In my experience there is a hell of a lot of blow back on the well meaning friend that tells. 

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