Post # 1
We got married yesterday and it was AMAZING! I’ll post a recap when we get the professional pics back, but in the meantime we already might have some drama brewing. My now Mother-In-Law is asking for a breakdown of our gifts. So we sent her a list of who got us which physical gifts, and then said everyone else got us cash. Apparently that wasn’t good enough because she asked for a breakdown of how much each person got us. Is it just me or is this over the line? My husband (eee!!) and I always thought this was private information and think it’s a bit weird/rude to say how much money each couple gifted us. Any input? Are we right in our thinking or is it not that big of a deal?
Post # 2
No I wouldn’t give that information out. Weird enough that she wanted a list of the gifts.
ETA: Also congrats!! Exciting times!
Post # 3
No though I wouldn’t and would simply tell her that you didn’t note the amounts only that you received cash from certain guests for thank you notes.
Post # 4
No, it’s none of her business. The only reason she would want this information is to “keep score” and you don’t want to be drug into that black hole.
Telling her you didn’t keep track of the cash amounts is tactful and not offensive.
Post # 5
No way. That’s so rude. Congratulations!
Post # 6
You and your husband are correct. It is private information. That also may be a good way to start answering your mother when she asks intrusive questions about you and your spouse.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t have given her any information about any of the gifts you received. It’s absolutely none of her business.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
She doesn’t need a single piece of information about gifts.
Post # 9
fourthnoel : did she pay for the wedding? My side of the family was messed up like your mil and my parents along with grandparents made a list of all the guests and how much they gave (my dad asked to read the cards and we didn’t take the money out yet). My husband was horrified and disgusted, but apparently most people that I’ve spoken to (polish) do this. It’s definitely to keep tabs and badmouth the ones that didn’t give “enough”.
Post # 10
One of my friends wedding had this happen. It’s a Chinese wedding and it seemed customary, they had separate wishing wells for the two sides, to keep track of what each side gave :/ And the bride and groom themselves were comparing what each side gave and commenting on how little some relatives gave (like $100 amongst a family of 5, 4 adults). Great way to start a marriage…
Post # 11
Draw some boundaries to preserve your privacy from your mother-in-law. Start with this insanely invasive and rude demand from her.
Post # 12
I think it’s gauche, but I’ve heard of parents asking so they can reciprocate amounts with their friend’s childrens weddings. DH’s parents asked for a list. We told them we didn’t record that information and did not provide it.
Post # 13
fourthnoel : that’s private between you and the people who gifted it. It has nothing to do with her. It’s so rude she asked
Post # 14
I agree with others-do not give out that information.
Post # 15
lifeisbeeutiful : she helped with a few things (ceremony, limo) but my family paid for the majority.
Thanks for the other feedback. We thought it was rude too so we’ll stick to our guns and not tell her.