Would you tell people about money you got for the wedding?

posted 1 month ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

No I wouldn’t give that information out. Weird enough that she wanted a list of the gifts. 

ETA: Also congrats!! Exciting times! 

Post # 3
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

No though I wouldn’t and would simply tell her that you didn’t note the amounts only that you received cash from certain guests for thank you notes.

Post # 4
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

No, it’s none of her business.  The only reason she would want this information is to “keep score” and you don’t want to be drug into that black hole.  

Telling her you didn’t keep track of the cash amounts is tactful and not offensive.  

 

Post # 5
Member
1655 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

No way. That’s so rude. Congratulations!

Post # 6
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

You and your husband are correct. It is private information. That also may be a good way to start answering your mother when she asks intrusive questions about you and your spouse. 

Post # 7
Member
9366 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t have given her any information about any of the gifts you received. It’s absolutely none of her business.

Post # 8
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

She doesn’t need a single piece of information about gifts. 

Post # 9
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

fourthnoel :  did she pay for the wedding? My side of the family was messed up like your mil and my parents along with grandparents made a list of all the guests and how much they gave (my dad asked to read the cards and we didn’t take the money out yet). My husband was horrified and disgusted,  but apparently most people that I’ve spoken to (polish) do this. It’s definitely to keep tabs and badmouth the ones that didn’t give “enough”.

Post # 10
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

One of my friends wedding had this happen. It’s a Chinese wedding and it seemed customary, they had separate wishing wells for the two sides, to keep track of what each side gave :/ And the bride and groom themselves were comparing what each side gave and commenting on how little some relatives gave (like $100 amongst a family of 5, 4 adults). Great way to start a marriage…

lifeisbeeutiful :  

Post # 11
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Draw some boundaries to preserve your privacy from your mother-in-law. Start with this insanely invasive and rude demand from her.

Post # 12
Member
13461 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s gauche, but I’ve heard of parents asking so they can reciprocate amounts with their friend’s childrens weddings.  DH’s parents asked for a list.  We told them we didn’t record that information and did not provide it.

Post # 13
Hostess
7611 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

fourthnoel :  that’s private between you and the people who gifted it. It has nothing to do with her. It’s so rude she asked 

Post # 14
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I agree with others-do not give out that information.  

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