(Closed) Would you tell someone's SO that they did this?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m actually a little shocked by the hostility in here at the OP. 

I hardly doubt she is trying to create drama…if she wanted drama then she wouldn’t of posted here. She would have went straight to his sister’s boyfriend and told him. So, I think it’s perfectly fine that she came here asking for advice. We all live by a different moral compass and this is something the OP is struggling with. 

To give my two cents…I generally side with telling. I have no problem with possibly not being believed and no problem with being the messenger that’s shot. I would want to know if it was me and so generally I go by that. That said, this isn’t a situation that screams cheating or affair and there’s no concrete proof. She may feel very regretful at this point. 

I would drop it. It’s not worth the damage it would cause. She may have learned or she may have not. If you see her do it again, I would pull her aside and say something to her in the moment. Otherwise, talk to your fiancé and let him address it if necessary.

Post # 48
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

Oh helll no girlfriend. Stay out of it. Your loyalty is to C, not anyone else. This is a battle you do not want to fight!!!!

Post # 49
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

My advice from watching a lot of the interplay here over the past couple of years is to not waste your time looking for advice from random online strangers as far as family matters go. The Relationships board in particular is full of cattiness and judgement and “omg mind your own business” from a lot of people who vicariously enjoy getting into everyone else’s.

NOBODY here witnessed the situation, NOBODY here knows you or your hubs or any of the other people involved so they’re not going to be the best judges of how to proceed.

Be true to your own conscience, but before you do or say anything confer with your hubs and find out what he thinks —  it’s always the best idea for you both to be on the same page and he’ll have a better idea of the history and situation behind his sister and her partner. As long as you two have the same opinion of how to proceed, that’s really all that matters. You’re a team now so what affects the one will affect the other for better or worse.

Post # 50
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

mrsc6815:  Two things

1. Your loyalty is to your sister in law not her boyfriend. If you saw her having sex with someone else…keep your mouth shut. If your marriage works out you are going to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Unless her behavior DIRECTLY affects your own marriage keep her secrets. It may be worth discussing with your hubby but if he wants to tell then HE should, it HIS sister and HIS choice.

2. What your describing sounds like this…two drunk people danced closely and held hands…later on she was collapsed on him in the cab. Even if their intent was to have sex the moment you exited the cab, with the information you have your SIL could explain it away and likely you’ll look ridiculous. Further even if you have PROOF of an affair…see above…

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  jily.

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